My good friend is having an abortion

[Anonymous]

My abortion was upsetting, but it did not affect my attitude and enjoyment around my close friends' weddings. Not an iota. FWIW, I am the poster who aborted a wanted pregnancy because of uncovered lies about the father's life. The worst thing a friend could have done for me in those difficult early months after the abortion would have been to treat me as fragile or broken.

[Anonymous]

I would approach it only as something like, "Are you doing okay? Do you think this will be too much?" Perhaps you could include her in the wedding as is but make it possible for her to not have to come as frequently as she was going to come, if she'd rather not. I wouldn't suggest her leaving the MOH position, and I also think it's possible for her to not do a ton of stuff as MOH, if you can be willing to shift the responsibilities around a little if she needs it.

[Anonymous]

I'm pro choice but why is she sleeping with an absolute dirt bag? I don't see anything wrong with checking to make sure what MOH duties she can handle or would rather not have to deal with.

[Anonymous]

I think you should focus on just her for the next few days. Keep the wedding talk on the back burner for a little while unless she brings it up as a distraction for herself.

[Anonymous]

I think you may be focusing on the abortion more than she is. Why did you make that the title of this post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pro choice but why is she sleeping with an absolute dirt bag? I don't see anything wrong with checking to make sure what MOH duties she can handle or would rather not have to deal with.

How is this relevant at all? You should know that people don't actually like to be friends with people who come off as judgmental instead of answering or giving advice to the question presented.

[Anonymous]

I had an abortion. Went to work next day and didn't bother me one damn bit. You are bring a ridiculous drama queen, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pro choice but why is she sleeping with an absolute dirt bag? I don't see anything wrong with checking to make sure what MOH duties she can handle or would rather not have to deal with.

Maybe he is effing fantastic in bed! Who knows and who the hell are you to judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion. Went to work next day and didn't bother me one damn bit. You are bring a ridiculous drama queen, OP.

This, basically. Nobody knew, I was fine after the actual day. Took the afternoon off and that was the end of that.

[Anonymous]

It's stunning that your friend is going through this and you are making it about your wedding which is TWO MONTHS later.

Call her after and check in on her. Call her a week after that and check in again. The next week gauge if she's ok. If so, let it go. If not, be sensitive and empathetic at that time and do what needs to be done to make her feel comfortable about the coming events.

I was pregnant during the festivities for my "best friend"'s wedding and had a 4 week old at the wedding. She made it clear I was cramping her style and said something like you suggested, going so far as to say if I wanted to bail she had the next girl picked out and could I please tell her because she needed to know. I said I'd opt out of the bachelorette party with a 2 week old but that I'd be fine and drive myself to the church, etc... the day of. It was fine. But we grew apart. Because it's hard not to when you're in such different places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I've had an abortion and was an emotional mess. I had morning sickness and constant cravings. I was in a shitty situation as she is now and trying to be happy for other people was definitely tough, for me at least. I'm just basing this off my experiences though, she may handle it completely different. And I'm not planning on talking to her about bowing out of the wedding party unless she brings it up.

I had an abortion and was NOT an emotional mess. I spent a day and a half crying about it when I had it done, and then was able to be sad about it in the shower or at bedtime while still fully participating in life. I was still able to be happy for others.

Had one at 8 weeks. Went to work later that day. Couldnt/didnt tell a soul.

[Anonymous]

Totally agreeing with the concensus here.

Do not assume that your experience is what everyone experiences OP. Do not make assumptions for your friend. Do not make this about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally agreeing with the concensus here.

Do not assume that your experience is what everyone experiences OP. Do not make assumptions for your friend. Do not make this about you.

Op and the friend actually sound perfect for each other. Both obviously make everything "about them,"

[Anonymous]

To sum up OP's post, "me, me, me, me, my wedding, me."

Be a friend and shut up about your wedding already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To sum up OP's post, "me, me, me, me, my wedding, me."

Be a friend and shut up about your wedding already.

Ha! That just came to mind.

OP. She's your friend. Respond to her as you would anyway as a friend. If she's not returning back to normal life within a day or two (I'm not saying an abortion is nothing, but it isn't everything) then deal with your friend's emotional crisis in the best way you know how as a friend.

And, please keep your mouth shut about the abortion.