Coming to terms with your kids getting a worse education than you did

[Anonymous]

I am not seeing it with my DD. She is going to the same HS I did, but seems to be getting a much better education. In 1980, in order to take Computer Science, I could not continue with language, for example.

There were six periods vs. 7 today, so she gets more electives.

I was only able to take advanced courses in math, DD is in all honors, and one year ahead of where I was in math (even though I am better at math than she is).

Her grades are better too. The culture in the school is much more supportive of high-achieving students: nerds are looked up to rather than degraded. The only thing is it was easier to get into a good college in the 80's than today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC are getting a far better education than I received (even though I somehow managed to get into an Ivy). Maybe that feeling varies by school. My DC still in ES, but they are far ahead of where I was in both math and critical writing skills.

+1. I envy my kid's public education, and I went to private.

Same. My DCs go to MCPS and they are receiving a much better education than DH or me. We have satisfying careers and a hhi in excess of 500k so i''m not worried about our kids from an academic perspective. I do worry that they have no clue about the real world or what it means to struggle.

[Anonymous]

I went to a horrible catholic school. My kids go to a fabulous Montessori. They're better off for now, but I'm worried about middle/high school.

[Anonymous]

My kid is getting a better education than me at this point (two languages, drama, clubs, etc.). When/if it becomes an issue we will switch to private. If you have an issue with your child's education you should seek another school (either private, public, or charter) or move. I agree with pp's that interaction and education at home is also essential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd is getting a way better education than I did.

Me- Shop, home economics, band, chorus
dd- coding, graphic design, 3 D art, movie making, etc.

Me- Tracked for general education throughout school
DD- Access to AP, Honors, DE, general ed

Me- Clubs..what clubs?
DD- Too many to write down.

Op...you need to move.
DD-

+1

[Anonymous]

My child is getting an equally bad education as I did.

[Anonymous]

Two points, based on my personal experience:

1. As a parent with a stellar education, you know how to academically supplement, converse with and what to expose your child to, considering the education he is receiving now.

2. Your kid might do more with the education he has than what you did with yours.

Point 1 is on you now, Point 2 is on your kid later.
You know what to do, so get on with the job, OP!

[Anonymous]

NP here. I got an average education, average schools, and later got a great college and law school education. But I really came from nothing, and always wanted my kids to start with more opportunities than I did.

My DD got herself into a very high ranked school (west coast). She is doing well academically although could do better (doing dumb things like not turning in homework). Socially, though, she hasn't clicked with anyone and she's lonely, missing her old friends, and has considered switching to the local public.

Our public is no great school in comparison to 1) her present school, 2) the NoVA public schools or 3) my own high school. That last point...worse than my own high school, irritates me....after all my own hard work, I'm going to send my kid to a worse school than my own? Parent Fail!

Anyways, clearly, I had to really come to terms with my own feelings about this.

First, with respect to the high-ranking school, I always told my DD, "It's only a great school if it's great for YOU" and now I had to fully internalize this belief. (this point might not be relevant to your situation, OP)

Second, I had to decide that the beauty is that this is America and you can come from nothing and if you work hard, you can make it. It may take a bit longer because you are starting on a lower rung in the ladder, but I know it can be done. I'm proof of that, so I'm lucky in that I'm a bit unshakeable in this belief.

Finally, there is something to be said for that lower rung, where you don't have that silver spoon. One way of looking at my own DD's situation is that she's so spoon-fed that she doesn't get the value of her present situation, so she squanders it. *Not having* can be a great gift. It certainly motivated me.

Don't worry, OP. If your kids want a great education, they'll get one later on. I may not be able to recite Shakespeare, but last I checked, no one has asked me to.

[Anonymous]

I don't know that I can compare. My child is different than me. I was gifted, my child has ADHD and learning issues. Times are also different with the teaching to the test mentality. But we can't afford private school.

I feel like we're lucky to live in a wealthy area that actually has a decent variety of resources for their schools. We have great teachers and staff at our school who have been helpful to me as I navigate the needs of my child.

I also feel pretty lucky to live in a district with the diversity we do. My child has been exposed to so much more life than I ever was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Join me if you are struggling with this. Due to a variety of factors, my husband and I are doing much better than my parents did at our ages, but my children will never get the experiences in school that I got. Our schools are much more crowded, offer fewer high quality clubs and activities, and make it much more difficult to access advanced curriculum. Should I find a way not to care, or should I take extraordinary steps to change our situation? What have you done? It hurts me knowing what a great education I got, and not giving something similar to them. Yet it seems that the world has changed so thoroughly that my 1980s education (mid size town, not high cost of living, excellent public schools, well funded) doesn't exist anymore.

Wow, where did you grow up and where are your children attending school?

I grew up in a suburb outside of Boston that was known for its schools (and still is) and my children are growing up in a DCUM top 5 FCPS school pyramid. I feel that they have been given a better education than me. The expectations are certainly higher here, and the were definitely no low where/when I went to school. The expectations have risen in both places. Both have gotten further in math and science than either my DH a or I and we were also math and science kids.

[Anonymous]

I understand your feelings, OP. My father was wealthy and I went to one of the highest ranked high schools in NJ. My income is good, but not good enough to afford a good school district in MD, and so my DS is definitely getting an inferior education. Not much I can do about it.

[Anonymous]

If you don't think your child is getting enough enrichment, then you need to step up your game. Don't blame the schools.

As for over crowding, we moved. Left the area, moved back home and there are 15 kids in my daughter's K class with a teacher and a full time aid (who taught K forever, just didn't want to do the paperwork anymore).

[Anonymous]

Thank you to those people who have posted with suggestions for supplementing my kids' education and changing my perspective on what makes for a good education. I don't really understand why people have posted saying no, their kids' education is much better than their own -- good for you, but that is the opposite of my situation. We will keep our eyes open and supplement where we can, and consider the nuclear option of moving if we absolutely have to.

To those who couldn't understand how this was possible: my story is not uncommon given the rising inequality in this country and the tremendous differences in cost of living. I'm not going to name names and get into a discussion of specific schools, but I grew up in a mid size college town far from big cities, with little poverty but also very few super rich. I now live in the D.C. metro area within commuting distance of the city, where the rich are doing great but there's very little middle class, and significant numbers of quite poor families. The hollowing out of the middle class is real, and it's amplified in urban areas. Combine that with a trend away from advanced classes (or just calling everyone "advanced" now) and what I see are classes with an extremely wide range of needs, with nobody really being taught exactly at their level. I'm sure I sound sentimental and I hope I'm wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't think your child is getting enough enrichment, then you need to step up your game. Don't blame the schools.

As for over crowding, we moved. Left the area, moved back home and there are 15 kids in my daughter's K class with a teacher and a full time aid (who taught K forever, just didn't want to do the paperwork anymore).

But...but...flyover country!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to those people who have posted with suggestions for supplementing my kids' education and changing my perspective on what makes for a good education. I don't really understand why people have posted saying no, their kids' education is much better than their own -- good for you, but that is the opposite of my situation. We will keep our eyes open and supplement where we can, and consider the nuclear option of moving if we absolutely have to.

To those who couldn't understand how this was possible: my story is not uncommon given the rising inequality in this country and the tremendous differences in cost of living. I'm not going to name names and get into a discussion of specific schools, but I grew up in a mid size college town far from big cities, with little poverty but also very few super rich. I now live in the D.C. metro area within commuting distance of the city, where the rich are doing great but there's very little middle class, and significant numbers of quite poor families. The hollowing out of the middle class is real, and it's amplified in urban areas. Combine that with a trend away from advanced classes (or just calling everyone "advanced" now) and what I see are classes with an extremely wide range of needs, with nobody really being taught exactly at their level. I'm sure I sound sentimental and I hope I'm wrong.

Well, yes...DC is literally the most unequal of the 51 "states." The other 50 states are all better in the distribution of income...every single one. In that respect, literally moving anywhere else in the country would land you in a less unequal environment.