Pick up drop off fight with DH.

[Anonymous]

You are sleeping too late. Get your ass out of bed at the same time he does if you want things to be equal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he's been up working since 5:45am and has 0-15 minutes of overlap with you and the kid, and you expect him to do basically get your kid ready to go in that 0-15 minute overlap? I agree you need to wake up earlier. He could easily just wait until you've left at 7:30 to come back from PT if he wanted to, which he'll probably start doing if you keep nagging. Pick your battles. You take morning, let him take some other responsibility that's his, like bath time or book reading before bed.

This. You're not being fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are sleeping too late. Get your ass out of bed at the same time he does if you want things to be equal

Preach! Wake up and start your day at 5:45

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of job do you have where you need a written agreement to arrive at 805 instead of 800?!

That alone would be a deal breaker. I'm used to being a professional who gets my work done without anyone hovering or micromanaging me.

Right. That seems ridiculous to me too.

[Anonymous]

What time do you get up, OP? He gets up at 5:45 for work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Army wife and it never ceases to amaze me the women who get into this not thinking of what it means long-term. The time between PT and work is not free time. I'm surprised he hasn't started getting ready on post rather than coming home where you nag and bitch. Military spouses are the ones who have to compromise because the military does not. Find a daycare with more suitable hours (7am-7pm or something similar). Find a more flexible job. I work 50-60 hours a week, but I changed jobs and negotiated contracts until I was able to build the flexibility we needed. Good luck if you have any deployments leaving you a single parent for a year.

Another military wife here and I'm flabbergasted OP's DH even comes home between PT and work. Usually, they all shower and dress at the gym and eat breakfast in their offices. OP, I agree with the PP. Your DH should definitely help out around the house but this particular 30 minutes shouldn't be the hill you die on. My DH leaves the house at 5:30 and gets home at 7. We have 3 kids and I work 45 hours a week. All kid-oriented things fall to me during the week, including taking them to practices, Scouts, etc... at night (also coordinating Dr's appts, carpools, remembering lunch money/making lunches, fixing meals, etc...). However, during the week, the kids fall mostly to DH. He takes everyone to their games (I watch too but usually show up on-time as a spectator instead of 1 hour before for warm-ups), makes lunches, grills out, gets the cars filled with gas, etc... It's compromise and the two of you have to decide how these things are going to be divided. Just be prepared: his schedule will change on a dime and you'll get stuck picking up the pieces many, many times. You have to roll with it because that's what you signed up to do. Just make sure he helps WHEN HE CAN. And, seriously, you need to wake up earlier. 7:30 wake up is a dream!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Army wife and it never ceases to amaze me the women who get into this not thinking of what it means long-term. The time between PT and work is not free time. I'm surprised he hasn't started getting ready on post rather than coming home where you nag and bitch. Military spouses are the ones who have to compromise because the military does not. Find a daycare with more suitable hours (7am-7pm or something similar). Find a more flexible job. I work 50-60 hours a week, but I changed jobs and negotiated contracts until I was able to build the flexibility we needed. Good luck if you have any deployments leaving you a single parent for a year.

Another military wife here and I'm flabbergasted OP's DH even comes home between PT and work. Usually, they all shower and dress at the gym and eat breakfast in their offices. OP, I agree with the PP. Your DH should definitely help out around the house but this particular 30 minutes shouldn't be the hill you die on. My DH leaves the house at 5:30 and gets home at 7. We have 3 kids and I work 45 hours a week. All kid-oriented things fall to me during the week, including taking them to practices, Scouts, etc... at night (also coordinating Dr's appts, carpools, remembering lunch money/making lunches, fixing meals, etc...). However, during the we[b]ek, the kids fall mostly to DH. He takes everyone to their games (I watch too but usually show up on-time as a spectator instead of 1 hour before for warm-ups), makes lunches, grills out, gets the cars filled with gas, etc... It's compromise and the two of you have to decide how these things are going to be divided. Just be prepared: his schedule will change on a dime and you'll get stuck picking up the pieces many, many times. You have to roll with it because that's what you signed up to do. Just make sure he helps WHEN HE CAN. And, seriously, you need to wake up earlier. 7:30 wake up is a dream!!

**during the weekend**

[Anonymous]

What is PT? I think your DH needs to step it up. I'm team wife here.

I do 100% when dh is on travel and it's tight and I too feel squeezed from all sides. I can't even stop for gas on my way to or from daycare pickup because it would make me late for work or late to pickup from daycare (there's a fine). It's so darn hard.

And yes, your dh can do it all in 45 minutes from 7:15-8am especially if you help a little. I get the baby up, change diaper, clothes and then she drinks her bottle (in the bathroom with me) while I brush my teeth and change clothes. I wake at 7 and get both of us out the door at 7:40.

Why can't your dh at least just drop off at the daycare? That alone is a huge help when my dh is home to do that.

[Anonymous]

He needs to stop coming home to shower. You need to get up earlier. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I DONT WAKE UP AT 7:30am. I LEAVE THE HOUSE AT 7:30 am. How could I wake up at 7:30 and have an 8:05 start time? (Which I agree is so insanely stupid and offensive that I had to get a MEMO for, but my boss/job are great in most every other way)

My DH also travels a lot, and he is gone his fair share over weekends, and I need to be really clear. He's NOT deployed. He has a desk job, he is not in harm's way. We are both well educated, and we both have reasonably important jobs. His life is not harder than mine, his personal time is not more valuable. I made a choice to marry into the Army, but he made a choice to be in the Army, and have a child with a professional woman. I'm literally asking that he does maybe 10-12 minutes of help in the morning with OUR child.

[Anonymous]

What time do you get up, OP?

[Anonymous]

Is there any reason he can't do drop off every day on his way back to work? I would consider asking that of him, if what he's doing in the mornings is smoking (really?) and playing with his phone.

Or find some other onerous daily task that you hate and ask him to do it--maybe leave some of the dishes for when he gets home.

It does feel like you are getting the short end of the stick in the let's have a 50-50 marriage department--but, that is also really hard with spouse in the military.

--Former military wife, DH got out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What time do you get up, OP?

I get up at 6:30, shower and start getting dressed. At 7 DS wakes up, so I get him situated, finish getting ready, get him ready, and we go downstairs at 7:20, where we do teeth, shoes, socks, jacket, and get in the car. I just wish DH could do the downstairs portion. It would help SO much. I feel stupid saying how much those ten minutes would help, but to just know that stressful little portion of the morning that kills my back and tests the limits of the Lycra in my suit are being taken care of would make my morning so much better.

[Anonymous]

This is really a time management issue. OP, my DH leaves well before yours does (he's not military but works on a military installation). Most days I get up around the time he leaves (5 am) just because I like the peace and quiet in the mornings. Some days I sleep a little later because I'm tired, but we are still up and moving well before 730.

Not every day/time/cycle in a marriage is going to be "fair." In this case, you sound a little rushed in the morning, and you probably need to make the accommodations to get up a little earlier. Why be rushed to get out the door if you can have a few extra minutes? IT also sounds like DH leaving and coming back is hard on the morning routine, in which case, maybe he just stays at work. If he is going to come home in between, he needs specific tasks he can do in about 15 minutes.

But if this was me, I'd try to solve everything but getting up a few minutes earlier and having a set morning routine.

[Anonymous]

Get up at the same time he does and then you will have an extra 45 minutes in your morning. No rushing at all