Daughter tanked every midterm -- all As to all Bs (possibly one C)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not Lyme disease, she's been checking out, i.e. senior-itis, and it's been a constant source of drama in the house. I never trust the grades prior to exams because teachers tend to inflate them with 100%-score busy work and easy projects.

Note, I think senior-itis is fine, within reason, for kids that have college plans solidified. She doesn't and probably just closed a lot of doors.

I'd calm down, OP. Getting upset or punishing her isn't going to do anything. My older DD had a period of senioritis when she'd been accepted to colleges, and decided she didn't want to do any work. But it was SECOND semester of senior year, not first. We had a little chat with her, and she pulled herself together.

You may need a family counselor to sort things out. If you are pressuring her too much, there may be deeper issues you all need to sort out. Kids don't always want the same things their parents want for them, and they don't realize how much harm they are doing to themselves when they stop studying. There's still time to apply to more colleges. We just got an email from Gettysburg college that they are extending their application deadline. If she's aiming for top schools, she's probably screwed herself, but so what? There are lots of great schools that will accept her now, even if they dont' have top "names". Look around and let go of your expectations for your daughter. She can be a star at a less competitive school, then, if she wants HYPS, she can work hard and transfer into one of the really top ones. Give her that choice.

Bless your heart for thinking we'd reward her with backup plans if she strikes out. Not happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not Lyme disease, she's been checking out, i.e. senior-itis, and it's been a constant source of drama in the house. I never trust the grades prior to exams because teachers tend to inflate them with 100%-score busy work and easy projects.

Note, I think senior-itis is fine, within reason, for kids that have college plans solidified. She doesn't and probably just closed a lot of doors.

I'd calm down, OP. Getting upset or punishing her isn't going to do anything. My older DD had a period of senioritis when she'd been accepted to colleges, and decided she didn't want to do any work. But it was SECOND semester of senior year, not first. We had a little chat with her, and she pulled herself together.

You may need a family counselor to sort things out. If you are pressuring her too much, there may be deeper issues you all need to sort out. Kids don't always want the same things their parents want for them, and they don't realize how much harm they are doing to themselves when they stop studying. There's still time to apply to more colleges. We just got an email from Gettysburg college that they are extending their application deadline. If she's aiming for top schools, she's probably screwed herself, but so what? There are lots of great schools that will accept her now, even if they dont' have top "names". Look around and let go of your expectations for your daughter. She can be a star at a less competitive school, then, if she wants HYPS, she can work hard and transfer into one of the really top ones. Give her that choice.

Bless your heart for thinking we'd reward her with backup plans if she strikes out. Not happening.

Are you OP, saying "bless your heart"? If yes, you are completely clueless. When I was 17-18 I went through a period where I just did what I wanted to do. Nothing my parents said or did would have made a difference. I left home, moved to another country, got myself a scholarship and finished college. Let me assure you, 100% that you are doing your child absolutely zero favors by treating her like she is a toddler. These are choices she is making, she will have to live with them. Back the F off. She knows by now what the consequences are. If you don't want to pay for college, then don't. Stop dangling it in front of her nose like it's something she should owe you for.

[Anonymous]

The girl is going to have a "B" average in these classes. It isn't like she flunked herself out on her b*tt.

I think it's time to step back and take a chill pill Op.

[Anonymous]

If her decisions over the past week or two cost her rejection letters what she learn from still getting $20,000-60,000 per year to attend backup colleges? Nothing. You're rewarding her defiance and immaturity. And if that happens she probably, even subconsciously, knew she could bomb the next two terms and mommy would bail her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The girl is going to have a "B" average in these classes. It isn't like she flunked herself out on her b*tt.

I think it's time to step back and take a chill pill Op.

Nearly flunked all exams. I don't know anyone who fails high school classes. Maybe kids that never show up, I guess?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girl is going to have a "B" average in these classes. It isn't like she flunked herself out on her b*tt.

I think it's time to step back and take a chill pill Op.

Nearly flunked all exams. I don't know anyone who fails high school classes. Maybe kids that never show up, I guess?

If she is new to AP she might not have studied to the extent that was needed to do well on those tests.

I would talk to her and ask her what she thinks happened.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, but you represent everything that is wrong in the schools in/near DC. We have three college grads. One in college. One high school senior. Life is long and this is one tiny snapshot in time. It really doesn't matter nearly as much as you believe it does. There are Ivy grads living in their parents' basements because they can't find/keep a job. And kids who never went to college making six figures. And everything in between.

You don't punish an 18 year old adult. If she limits her college choices (assuming she wants to go straight from high school to college) then it's on her.

Also, B's and a dreaded C are hardly worth getting worked up over. This is exactly why so many kids have serious mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

If the reason is senioritis then she will have to live with the consequences. The acceptances she thought were givens might not be coming. Hopefully she has a variety of applications in. Some wait list replies to her top choices might spur her to make more responsible choices for next term..

Now if you didn't know the cause of the poor grades, that would be another issue to tackle. . .

[Anonymous]

OP here: I want to stress I am easy going and I would be the first to let her relax a bit once college letters were received. Most of her friends have their college plans handled. She does not and I reminded her of that frequently. I honestly think she was/is unable to grasp that her friends could afford to lay off the gas and she couldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girl is going to have a "B" average in these classes. It isn't like she flunked herself out on her b*tt.

I think it's time to step back and take a chill pill Op.

Nearly flunked all exams. I don't know anyone who fails high school classes. Maybe kids that never show up, I guess?

If she is new to AP she might not have studied to the extent that was needed to do well on those tests.

I would talk to her and ask her what she thinks happened.

That was a clumsy way of putting it. I meant she did so poorly on exams that there is only so far grades can fall. I think exam is 15-20% of final semester grade. It was about the worst showing of midterm week a student could have. And not specific to any single hard class, it was a full-on checkout.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girl is going to have a "B" average in these classes. It isn't like she flunked herself out on her b*tt.

I think it's time to step back and take a chill pill Op.

Nearly flunked all exams. I don't know anyone who fails high school classes. Maybe kids that never show up, I guess?

Logical consequences are good to a point.

A friend's DD went to a midwestern college on a huge scholarship and flunked out. She decided to take a break while in college and have fun.... Well she got kicked out, came home, went to CC and worked to pay for it because her mom said, NO effing way are we paying for college for you. She got straight A's at CC and transferred to a competitive college, where she did well and graduated with honors. Her mom helped pay for the competitive college, but not for the CC. She felt her daughter had to learn how to stand on her own two feet. It was not pretty for the mom (or the daughter) for a while, but in the end, it worked out.

As long as you are certain your DD is just pissing away her college chances, OP, then don't give her a second chance and let her learn the hard way from her mistakes. But make sure, because you don't want her to resent you forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I want to stress I am easy going and I would be the first to let her relax a bit once college letters were received. Most of her friends have their college plans handled. She does not and I reminded her of that frequently. I honestly think she was/is unable to grasp that her friends could afford to lay off the gas and she couldn't.

Her prefrontal cortex is not yet completely formed. Kids that age do not yet understand the long-term consequences of their actions.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, OP. It must be extremely stressful. I would not punish her though. I can't see anything good coming from you punishing her. She has to accept the consequences of her decisions, bad as they may be, and dig herself out of this hole. Let her do it, and step back unless she asks for help. Best of luck to both of you.

[Anonymous]

Good grief. She bombed the MIDTERM, not the final. She needs to get her crap together right now and get those grades up.

Lots of state schools (not community colleges) are available if she can't go to her higher ranked choices. She can find one, get a job and get to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The girl is going to have a "B" average in these classes. It isn't like she flunked herself out on her b*tt.

I think it's time to step back and take a chill pill Op.

Nearly flunked all exams. I don't know anyone who fails high school classes. Maybe kids that never show up, I guess?

If she is new to AP she might not have studied to the extent that was needed to do well on those tests.

I would talk to her and ask her what she thinks happened.

That was a clumsy way of putting it. I meant she did so poorly on exams that there is only so far grades can fall. I think exam is 15-20% of final semester grade. It was about the worst showing of midterm week a student could have. And not specific to any single hard class, it was a full-on checkout.

I'll bet she slacked off on studying. She may have only studied what she thought was going to be on the test and neglected to study the rest of the material. Ugh, teenagers! (kill, kill, kill, kill)

Don't panic, yet, though. Her averages are probably o.k. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Colleges love upward trajectory. I would never risk my job on someone like OP's daughter.