anyone have experience w/ DH with multiple personality disorder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks! My couples counselor has suggested that my DH get individual treatment, maybe CBT or medication, but my DH is refusing to go to either couples counseling or individual counseling.

At this point, my counselor is seeing my individually and making diagnosis based on the past year of couples counseling..... she says there is hope that I can have a functional relationship with someone, and is advising me on how to deal with his multiple personalities....basically, I am now supposed to be his "mirror" and put him in touch with the parts of him, learn to be my DH's unofficial therapist .......which sounds excusing and what am I getting out of it?

Basically have confirmation of what Ive suspected: that my DH is self-absorbed, even when relatives are dying he makes it about this, blames me for his unhappiness and physical ailments, even when I have serious things happening with my family's health or work, it is all about him. It is as if I am talking to a wall and he is insulted if I have any problems because that is drawing the attention away fro him - and he threatens to divorce me. Then the next day acts as if nothing happened.

It just feels crazy to me. I don't engage anymore. The swings in mood/personality are so extreme for a period of 12-36 hours then back to usual. There is usually a build up, then an "Explosion" (e.g. a threat to divorce me - one something mundane - like how I exhaled,etc - or a perceived slight where there was none intended on my part).

After the mood "explosion" (where he says he definitely wants to leave me, that marrying me was a mistake, that he will be out the door soon) then reversion in next 12 hours back as if "normal" -- lovey dovey, cute, etc.

it is hard to reconcile the parts. I absolutely adore partner when he is normal -- but the "mood swings" that happen -- typically every 6-12 weeks -are building up more and more.

It seems that if there are multiple personalities (which I don't know for sure) or personas, that this is getting more extreme.

HE was abused as a child, I believe, and this may have contributed to some of this..... he also made it to his 50s being single before he married......

OP, I posted at 9:25. I worked with a couple a while back one of whom had DID. Here are a couple of things for you to consider.

1) There is a difference between dissociation - which is a coping mechanism that many people experiencing trauma use to escape from the terrible situations they are in - and DID. Many people who experience trauma dissociate to cope with those experiences. Not everyone who experiences trauma develops DID.

2) A lot of what you're describing sounds to me as like borderline personality disorder than DID. Without knowing more about your partner's alters, it's hard to say what's going on. Usually the personalities are fairly different - different genders, different speaking styles, different personal histories, etc. Is this the case with your husband?

3) If you want to stay with this person, you need to have agreements about behavior and support. For example, the couple I worked for had a safety contract in place. The partner with DID often engaged in self-destructive high risk behavior (e.g., unprotected sex with multiple partners, drug use, etc.), and one of the agreements they had was that they would both be tested for STIs monthly. The non-DID partner was pretty concerned that monthly was not regular enough, because the DID partner was not really able to report accurate what their behavior was during an episode once it was over.

4) You really need to consider the extent to which you are willing to stay in a relationship with someone who is not willing to address serious mental health issues. It sounds like your therapist is trying to give you tools to help him when he's not willing to help himself. That is not going to be healthy for you. At what point does it become too much?

[Anonymous]

Op please just get out now.

[Anonymous]

OP, get a new therapist. Your counselor shouldn't be pushing you to become even more codependent with your husband. It's not your job to become his amateur therapist, and it's not healthy for you. That's why you feel all this is wrong and crazy. Because it is.

You got involved with a severely damaged person who is going to continue to use the coping skills he has developed to deal with his childhood abuse. He holds it in until it bursts out, over and over. It's so ingrained that he's barely conscious of it, and every time he does it, it feeds his negative feelings about himself, which he then reburies.

Obviously this is damaging to you, since you figuratively get covered with his explosions of festering pus on a regular basis. If he can't see this and commit himself to seeing his own therapist, then he will never be able to break this pattern and do his own healing work, and you will be damaged over and over, and be worn down. And you never know if it will get worse.

First, get a new therapist for yourself. Then, with the new therapist's support, do what's going to make you safe and in a healthier place.

[Anonymous]

Please please please you need to end this relationship and move on; you need to find a new mental health professional to help shepherd you through this break up.

Your counselor is playing armchair psychiatrist and should be kind of ashamed of themselves.

It's going to take you a few years to undo all of your twisted mental wreckage but you are far better off alone then with this type of person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Please please please you need to end this relationship and move on; you need to find a new mental health professional to help shepherd you through this break up.

Your counselor is playing armchair psychiatrist and should be kind of ashamed of themselves.

It's going to take you a few years to undo all of your twisted mental wreckage but you are far better off alone then with this type of person.

Hey now. It's entirely possible that OP's counselor IS a psychiatrist. Don't jump to conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Please please please you need to end this relationship and move on; you need to find a new mental health professional to help shepherd you through this break up.

Your counselor is playing armchair psychiatrist and should be kind of ashamed of themselves.

It's going to take you a few years to undo all of your twisted mental wreckage but you are far better off alone then with this type of person.

Hey now. It's entirely possible that OP's counselor IS a psychiatrist. Don't jump to conclusions.

I don't know any marriage counselors who are psychiatrists. If you go to the trouble to get an MD, it's more lucrative and less draining to do quick meds management appointments with more patients. You refer out for therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thanks! My couples counselor has suggested that my DH get individual treatment, maybe CBT or medication, but my DH is refusing to go to either couples counseling or individual counseling.

At this point, my counselor is seeing my individually and making diagnosis based on the past year of couples counseling..... she says there is hope that I can have a functional relationship with someone, and is advising me on how to deal with his multiple personalities....basically, I am now supposed to be his "mirror" and put him in touch with the parts of him, learn to be my DH's unofficial therapist .......which sounds excusing and what am I getting out of it?

Basically have confirmation of what Ive suspected: that my DH is self-absorbed, even when relatives are dying he makes it about this, blames me for his unhappiness and physical ailments, even when I have serious things happening with my family's health or work, it is all about him. It is as if I am talking to a wall and he is insulted if I have any problems because that is drawing the attention away fro him - and he threatens to divorce me. Then the next day acts as if nothing happened.

It just feels crazy to me. I don't engage anymore. The swings in mood/personality are so extreme for a period of 12-36 hours then back to usual. There is usually a build up, then an "Explosion" (e.g. a threat to divorce me - one something mundane - like how I exhaled,etc - or a perceived slight where there was none intended on my part).

After the mood "explosion" (where he says he definitely wants to leave me, that marrying me was a mistake, that he will be out the door soon) then reversion in next 12 hours back as if "normal" -- lovey dovey, cute, etc.

it is hard to reconcile the parts. I absolutely adore partner when he is normal -- but the "mood swings" that happen -- typically every 6-12 weeks -are building up more and more.

It seems that if there are multiple personalities (which I don't know for sure) or personas, that this is getting more extreme.

HE was abused as a child, I believe, and this may have contributed to some of this..... he also made it to his 50s being single before he married......

This is not DID, borderline, or narcissistic personality disorder. It's abuse, plain and simple. Build-up, explosion, and honeymoon period is "the cycle of abuse." It's a classic domestic violence pattern - and yes, it can still be domestic violence without physical abuse. The "crazymaking" behavior is also a classic abuser tactic.

Your therapist is giving you terrible advice. You can't "fix" an abuser and should not be in couple's counseling with an abuser in the first place. Domestic violence escalates and you need to keep yourself safe before this becomes physical. Please contact a domestic violence resource and get help from someone who is trained to deal with these issues.

Cycle of abuse: http://www.dvsolutions.org/info/cycle.aspx
National Domestic Violence Hotline: http://www.thehotline.org/

[Anonymous]

Oh sweetie, just get out now. You are trying to find a reason for why he is acting this way so that you can excuse him. WHY he does it, doesn't matter. You don't deserve to live like this.

[Anonymous]

Agree with all the others. GET OUT NOW.

You're in a codependent mess and need mental support yourself - find a new psychologist who can help YOU. No social worker therapist either.

Mostly, though, get out now.

[Anonymous]

Op here / the couples counselor is not a psychiatrist - thanks for helping me realize that the multiple personality thing sounds like BS -- honestly it sounds like something out of a bad soap opera and I didn't think it could be multiple personality --- he DOES shift to being a different person -- has memory loss (or he alleges) of the crap he tells me -- I don't know if it is borderline personality or abuse -- but it does suck to have this happen.

I will work on myself and be vigilant not to be a frog in the frying pan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here / the couples counselor is not a psychiatrist - thanks for helping me realize that the multiple personality thing sounds like BS -- honestly it sounds like something out of a bad soap opera and I didn't think it could be multiple personality --- he DOES shift to being a different person -- has memory loss (or he alleges) of the crap he tells me -- I don't know if it is borderline personality or abuse -- but it does suck to have this happen.

I will work on myself and be vigilant not to be a frog in the frying pan

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/dissociative-disorders/what-are-dissociative-disorders

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't, but is he seeing a therapist? Actual Dissociative Identity Disorder (it's no longer called MPD) is caused by extreme childhood trauma. If that's not his circumstance, he may just be an abusive asshole (based on your very brief description). I would ask for permission to talk to HIS therapist about this. If he's not seeing a therapist for this diagnosis, he needs to be.

+1 DID is incredibly rare. More likely he's just an abuser, and an armchair diagnosis of mental illness is not going to help you.

This. Most practicing psychiatrists have never seen a case of DID. Odds are he’s just your average Jeckyll and Hyde abusive ass.

[Anonymous]

Couples therapists do not routinely see one half of the couple individually.

[Anonymous]

OMG is it boat wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Please please please you need to end this relationship and move on; you need to find a new mental health professional to help shepherd you through this break up.

Your counselor is playing armchair psychiatrist and should be kind of ashamed of themselves.

It's going to take you a few years to undo all of your twisted mental wreckage but you are far better off alone then with this type of person.

Hey now. It's entirely possible that OP's counselor IS a psychiatrist. Don't jump to conclusions.

I don't know any marriage counselors who are psychiatrists. If you go to the trouble to get an MD, it's more lucrative and less draining to do quick meds management appointments with more patients. You refer out for therapy.

This comment just shows your total ignorance and lack of professionalism. I don’t care what you do or who you think you are, you are not qualified to comment on OP’s situation.