Reply to anyone have experience w/ DH with multiple personality disorder?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here- thanks!  My couples counselor has suggested that my DH get individual treatment, maybe CBT or medication, but my DH is refusing to go to either couples counseling or individual counseling.

At this point, my counselor is seeing my individually and making diagnosis based on the past year of couples counseling..... she says there is hope that I can have a functional relationship with someone, and is advising me on how to deal with his multiple personalities....basically, I am now supposed to be his "mirror" and put him in touch with the parts of him, learn to be  my DH's unofficial therapist .......which sounds excusing and what am I getting out of it?

Basically have confirmation of what Ive suspected: that my DH is self-absorbed, even when relatives are dying he makes it about this, blames me for his unhappiness and physical ailments, even when I have serious things happening with my family's health or work, it is all about him. It is as if I am talking to a wall and he is insulted if I have any problems because that is drawing the attention away fro him - and he threatens to divorce me. Then the next day acts as if nothing happened.

It just feels crazy to me.  I don't engage anymore. The swings in mood/personality are so extreme for a period of 12-36 hours then back to usual. There is usually a build up, then an "Explosion" (e.g. a threat to divorce me - one something mundane - like how I exhaled,etc - or a perceived slight where there was none intended on my part).

After the mood "explosion" (where he says he definitely wants to leave me, that marrying me was a mistake, that he will be out the door soon) then reversion in next 12 hours back as if "normal" -- lovey dovey, cute, etc.

it is hard to reconcile the parts. I absolutely adore partner when he is normal -- but the "mood swings" that happen -- typically every 6-12 weeks -are building up more and more.

It seems that if there are multiple personalities (which I don't know for sure) or personas, that this is getting more extreme.

HE was abused as a child, I believe, and this may have contributed to some of this..... he also made it to his 50s being single before he married......[/quote]

OP, I posted at 9:25. I worked with a couple a while back one of whom had DID. Here are a couple of things for you to consider.

1) There is a difference between dissociation - which is a coping mechanism that many people experiencing trauma use to escape from the terrible situations they are in - and DID. Many people who experience trauma dissociate to cope with those experiences. Not everyone who experiences trauma develops DID.

2) A lot of what you're describing sounds to me as like borderline personality disorder than DID. Without knowing more about your partner's alters, it's hard to say what's going on. Usually the personalities are fairly different - different genders, different speaking styles, different personal histories, etc. Is this the case with your husband?

3) If you want to stay with this person, you need to have agreements about behavior and support. For example, the couple I worked for had a safety contract in place. The partner with DID often engaged in self-destructive high risk behavior (e.g., unprotected sex with multiple partners, drug use, etc.), and one of the agreements they had was that they would both be tested for STIs monthly. The non-DID partner was pretty concerned that monthly was not regular enough, because the DID partner was not really able to report accurate what their behavior was during an episode once it was over.

4) You really need to consider the extent to which you are willing to stay in a relationship with someone who is not willing to address serious mental health issues. It sounds like your therapist is trying to give you tools to help him when he's not willing to help himself. That is not going to be healthy for you. At what point does it become too much?[/quote]

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