special bond with first grandchild

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. In my family the first was the favorite, but it was because the grandparents helped raise him because my aunt was a single mom. On the other side, the first was definitely not the favorite. I'd argue that the last grandchild (20 years younger) was the favorite because they were completely retired then.

I don't think being male vs female makes a difference in favorites. A lot of men are obsessed with granddaughters, even my FIL who is a man's man.

My baby is the only grandchild so far and I wish there were others to take the pressure off us. All 4 grandparents want her constantly.

Male vs. Female made a big difference in my family. As a PP noted the lack of a penis made a big difference.

I think it depends on your ethnicity. Some care more about males (Indian, Asians especially)

[Anonymous]

I had an unbelievably close bond with my grandmother. She was my best friend growing up. She loved my cousins dearly, but I think having that family move into her home for awhile changed their relationship. She couldn't just be a doting grandmother, she had to be a daily caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the person. My MIL definitely favors my oldest. I hate it. It's so obvious. My dad's mom favored me, and it was so uncomfortable for me with my siblings. My mom's loved us all equally. She was a great grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree if the grandparents are well adjusted people.

+1

My in laws now have 9 grandchildren and I am constantly amazed that, with each single one, they have the ability to develop a special and unique bond with each one. The oldest is 9 and the youngest is 2 months. They're wonderful and I intend on impressing upon my kids how lucky they are to have such loving grandparents (on both sides, actually).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree if the grandparents are well adjusted people.

+1

My in laws now have 9 grandchildren and I am constantly amazed that, with each single one, they have the ability to develop a special and unique bond with each one. The oldest is 9 and the youngest is 2 months. They're wonderful and I intend on impressing upon my kids how lucky they are to have such loving grandparents (on both sides, actually).

Yup I feel the same way- my kids are very lucky that their grandparents don't play favorites. That's awful.

And I'll say, I had very disfunctional grandparents on both sides (alcoholism and mental illness) but despite their many flaws, they never favored any of their grandchildren over the others. Grandparents who do this are really messed up.

[Anonymous]

Agree. My MIL absolutely has a preference for our older kid--has sewn multiple outfits for older kid, made blanket when older kid was born, sends postcards addressed only to older kid. none of that for our second.

[Anonymous]

Disagree, just based on my experience. Obviously others have different experiences. What I've seen most commonly is that a new baby gets the most attention, so the youngest is the "favorite" for a while until a new youngest comes along, and then it evens out once all the kids are older.

[Anonymous]

Not automatically, no. We saw that on my side of the family with my first niece, but not on my spouse's side with our first nephew.

With my own grandparents, the youngest boy (of 21 grandkids) had a special bond with one grandfather, the other grandfather was special to everyone, and the grandmothers did not appear to have stronger bonds with any one over another at all.

[Anonymous]

For my kids and my SIL's kids, no. My MIL favors whichever grandchild is the baby. SIL's kids are 8 and 11 and MIL has basically lost interest in them in favor of ours, who are a newborn and 3. The 3 year old will lose her interest when she hits about 4. There won't be any babies after this.

I was, however, the favored grandchild of my maternal grandmother. I was not the eldest, but was the eldest girl. On her deathbed, she told me I was the greatest joy of her life. She had lots of other grandchildren. She was a woman who was basically illiterate and raised 7 children in poverty and I was the first grandchild to not get pregnant out of wedlock and drop out of school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. In my family the first was the favorite, but it was because the grandparents helped raise him because my aunt was a single mom. On the other side, the first was definitely not the favorite. I'd argue that the last grandchild (20 years younger) was the favorite because they were completely retired then.

I don't think being male vs female makes a difference in favorites. A lot of men are obsessed with granddaughters, even my FIL who is a man's man.

My baby is the only grandchild so far and I wish there were others to take the pressure off us. All 4 grandparents want her constantly.

Male vs. Female made a big difference in my family. As a PP noted the lack of a penis made a big difference.

I think it depends on your ethnicity. Some care more about males (Indian, Asians especially)

We are white Americans with Irish great grandparents. No Asian /Asian American or Indian / Indian American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. In my family the first was the favorite, but it was because the grandparents helped raise him because my aunt was a single mom. On the other side, the first was definitely not the favorite. I'd argue that the last grandchild (20 years younger) was the favorite because they were completely retired then.

I don't think being male vs female makes a difference in favorites. A lot of men are obsessed with granddaughters, even my FIL who is a man's man.

My baby is the only grandchild so far and I wish there were others to take the pressure off us. All 4 grandparents want her constantly.

Male vs. Female made a big difference in my family. As a PP noted the lack of a penis made a big difference.

I think it depends on your ethnicity. Some care more about males (Indian, Asians especially)

We are white Americans with Irish great grandparents. No Asian /Asian American or Indian / Indian American.

I wrote first about the lack of a penis. My ILs are Mayflower types.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws have a favorite and it is my SIL's son. Whenever she visits with us she never talks to my kids or asks them questions about their life. My other SIL says it is the same with her two kids. Actually she has never shown any interest although she asks me questions and when invited will attend a show or play that they are in. So, she cares in some way but it is confusing to them. Not sure about favorite grandson's brother and if he is a favorite ( but I doubt it)

My Mom has a close bond with my older DD but, only because she saw her more when she was a baby. She loves them all and tries to do the best she can ( at 84) My brother lives out of the country with his wife and two kids and she tries to visit but also respect the mom's space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. My granddad had a dozen grandchildren. We each wanted to eulogized him, as we felt we had the special connection with him as "favorite grandchild." What a special man!

Love this!

+1

Wonderful parents become wonderful grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. In my family the first was the favorite, but it was because the grandparents helped raise him because my aunt was a single mom. On the other side, the first was definitely not the favorite. I'd argue that the last grandchild (20 years younger) was the favorite because they were completely retired then.

I don't think being male vs female makes a difference in favorites. A lot of men are obsessed with granddaughters, even my FIL who is a man's man.

My baby is the only grandchild so far and I wish there were others to take the pressure off us. All 4 grandparents want her constantly.

Male vs. Female made a big difference in my family. As a PP noted the lack of a penis made a big difference.

I think it depends on your ethnicity. Some care more about males (Indian, Asians especially)

We are white Americans with Irish great grandparents. No Asian /Asian American or Indian / Indian American.

I wrote first about the lack of a penis. My ILs are Mayflower types.

Oh very cold, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree if the grandparents are well adjusted people.

+1

My in laws now have 9 grandchildren and I am constantly amazed that, with each single one, they have the ability to develop a special and unique bond with each one. The oldest is 9 and the youngest is 2 months. They're wonderful and I intend on impressing upon my kids how lucky they are to have such loving grandparents (on both sides, actually).

Yup I feel the same way- my kids are very lucky that their grandparents don't play favorites. That's awful.

And I'll say, I had very disfunctional grandparents on both sides (alcoholism and mental illness) but despite their many flaws, they never favored any of their grandchildren over the others. Grandparents who do this are really messed up.

+1