would you forgive your sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your sister have a husband and/or kids?

Yes, she's been with her husband 12 years. He considers my dad his dad so they consider him a blood relative.

Well, that's just fucking weird.

Maybe let her know that the more she antagonizes you and your wife, the less likely it is that you'll spend Christmas together with her ever again.

[Anonymous]

First off stop texting with her. Text messaging with crazies just results in drama. Try and stick to the regular phone. People with BPD are very quick to say crazy things and lash out over text or email. Less so when talking on the phone or in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to be more specific.

The first time she started a fight with DW. Yes she started it. DW stood her ground but was polite. Next thing you know my sister is texting me the names of divorce lawyers. This time was a bit more passive aggressive still leaning towards aggressive. Asked me to exclude DW from Christmas with my family. When I told her I wasn't ditching my wife and child on Christmas. She replied with "well you would bring Darla of course". Mind you, she has zero reason to treat my wife badly. I responded with "we're done here. I won't be seeing you at all for Christmas" theb she says "I understand that you have to listen to your wife and make her happy." Then she texts my wife and says "we hardly see my brother lately and were hoping to see him and Darla just them this year. Just the blood relatives."

Block her and be done. Seriously it the best thing you can do...just cut her off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to be more specific.

The first time she started a fight with DW. Yes she started it. DW stood her ground but was polite. Next thing you know my sister is texting me the names of divorce lawyers. This time was a bit more passive aggressive still leaning towards aggressive. Asked me to exclude DW from Christmas with my family. When I told her I wasn't ditching my wife and child on Christmas. She replied with "well you would bring Darla of course". Mind you, she has zero reason to treat my wife badly. I responded with "we're done here. I won't be seeing you at all for Christmas" theb she says "I understand that you have to listen to your wife and make her happy." Then she texts my wife and says "we hardly see my brother lately and were hoping to see him and Darla just them this year. Just the blood relatives."

Block her and be done. Seriously it the best thing you can do...just cut her off.

I say cut her off from text messaging.

[Anonymous]

Your sister has problems and is very rude. Reminds me of my MIL. We keep communications very dry and to the minimum.
I wouldn't necessarily forgive her, just change your expectations and discuss with your wife what she feels is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

No, I would not forgive my sibling for telling people I am getting divorced and saying terrible things about my spouse.

No, I would not forgive my sister for saying she only wants me and my kid for Christmas because my spouse is not a blood relative when her spouse is invited.

Your sister is a horrible person. I would completely cut her off.

[Anonymous]

Just disengage. She is trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not forgive my sibling for telling people I am getting divorced and saying terrible things about my spouse.

No, I would not forgive my sister for saying she only wants me and my kid for Christmas because my spouse is not a blood relative when her spouse is invited.

Your sister is a horrible person. I would completely cut her off.

Agree. My DH is the father of my child and my priority over my sisters. If either of them tried to cause problems in my marriage (for any reason other than an abusive situation), I'd stop contact until they knocked it off, taken whatever steps possible to fix the damage done, and apologized.

[Anonymous]

Yes you can forgive her but forgiveness is not trust. You can't trust her.

You can forgive her for being petty and insecure and weak.

You can't allow her to be rude or mean or disrespectful to your wife.

Stand up to her, "sister, I love you ... but you need to stop being rude to me and Larla" Period. My marriage is none of you business and I expect you to be respectful to my wife or you will see less and less of me.

[Anonymous]

Your sister sounds mentally ill. I'd ask her to get a checkup, or better yet ask your parents to raise this with her. Your wife sounds patient, and good for you for sticking by your family and not letting your sister cause harm there.

[Anonymous]

I agree, she sounds mentally unstable. I would back away slowly. Fill the family in on what has happened so they will understand why you don't want to see her.

[Anonymous]

You can forgive her, but doesn't sound that she will change her behavior or attitude towards your wife. She sounds like a narcissist who wants to be one and only in anybody's lives, no matter who. I would keep communications at a minimum.

[Anonymous]

My friend has sisters like this. He has two sisters, and when they're not freezing each other out, they band together to try to shun his wife. Oddly, their mom, who gives lip service to hating the drama, engages with it all. Mom's involvement tells me it's an ingrained thing, it's how they grew up. They NEED drama in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Oh hey, are you by chance allergic to Christmas trees?

[Anonymous]

I would not engage with a sibling who spread divorce rumors about me or actively excluded my spouse from family events. If she apologized and changed her behavior over the course of a year or more I'd forgive her - but I wouldn't forget and I sure wouldn't spend time with her other than groups.