Q: Catholic Funeral

[Anonymous]

Op, meet with the church secretary to find out the customs of that particular parish. The music director can assist with song selection and provide a cantor and an organist.

The Mass card is still an important part of a Catholic funeral, but sometimes the funeral home will take care of that for you, so ask them.

[Anonymous]

The organist charges $150. The canter charges $150. (Note: not a suggested donation; they made it sound like a fee.)

The church lady said $10 per altar server is customary.

The donation to the "church," which I assume means the priest, was very open ended ("whatever you feel like contributing").

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, meet with the church secretary to find out the customs of that particular parish. The music director can assist with song selection and provide a cantor and an organist.

The Mass card is still an important part of a Catholic funeral, but sometimes the funeral home will take care of that for you, so ask them.

I think you mean memorial prayer cards which are different than Mass cards. Prayer cards typically includes photo of the person. Mass cards are given when a donation is made to a church for a mass to be said to honor a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, meet with the church secretary to find out the customs of that particular parish. The music director can assist with song selection and provide a cantor and an organist.

The Mass card is still an important part of a Catholic funeral, but sometimes the funeral home will take care of that for you, so ask them.

I think you mean memorial prayer cards which are different than Mass cards. Prayer cards typically includes photo of the person. Mass cards are given when a donation is made to a church for a mass to be said to honor a person.

New poster here.

I have never seen Catholic funeral prayer cards with a picture of the deceased on them.

They usually have a religious picture (like angels for example) with the name and date on back and a prayer.

[Anonymous]

^^^ The ones with a picture of the deceased on them are more like protestant memorial cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ The ones with a picture of the deceased on them are more like protestant memorial cards.

Then you don't know many Irish Catholics, because the card with the picture is absolutely traditional and very common.

[Anonymous]

Recently had to go through this for my father. There was allot involved and I remember thinking that it felt so weird being an "event coordinator" while also grieving the loss of a parent. It was exhausting but comforting to know that every detail I took care of was one less thing that my mom had to do. I agree with many of the comments already made. At our parish, there was absolutely an expectation that altar servers get a "tip" (in addition to the organist, the cantor, and making a donation to the priest/church). This was true 30 years ago when my brothers were altar servers at the same parish and hasn't changed since. In our case, we gave all of the "tip" envelopes to the funeral director who distributed them (I hope!). I will be forever indebted to the funeral director who helped guide us through all of this.

Two other ideas that might be helpful. 1) I put small tissue boxes in each of the pews ahead of time. 2) We had a "program" printed with my dad's picture on the front and the order of the mass (and names of readers, etc) inside the program. This was really helpful for the many non-Catholics who attended. The Catholic mass can be very confusing and intimidating to non-Catholics and we wanted for the event to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible. In the program, we also indicated where the reception would be held (in this case, the church hall). At the reception, we had a caterer, flowers on the tables, a video tribute, and pictures/mementos posted around the room.

The funeral director coordinated delivering the flower arrangements that were delivered to the funeral home to the church for the mass. You will want to check with your church if this is allowed. I was shocked when our parish tried to insist that no outside flowers were allowed because the altar would already have flowers. We pushed back and they caved. The compromise was that all of the flower arrangements from the funeral home were placed around my dad's urn rather than on the altar.

[Anonymous]

Our parish secretary and priests lead folks through the whole thing. Secretary has a binder of readings and music to pick from and will even set up the program and send it to the printer. The church hires a cantor unless you say otherwise. Altar servers are adult men (won't take kids out of school anymore) so no tips. Funeral home flowers usually go straight to the grave site since there is no time to move them into church after family viewing before coming to church. Prayer cards are traditional but not necessary at the funeral home so they deal with those.

[Anonymous]

DS is an altar server and has been pulled out of class for funerals and has volunteered. Each time he has received an envelope with $20 in it from the parish office. I always assumed that the donation goes to the church and then they divvy up the money as they feel customary or appropriate. I'm sure this varies by parish but the envelopes are church office ones and just have generic "altar server" on the front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is an altar server and has been pulled out of class for funerals and has volunteered. Each time he has received an envelope with $20 in it from the parish office. I always assumed that the donation goes to the church and then they divvy up the money as they feel customary or appropriate. I'm sure this varies by parish but the envelopes are church office ones and just have generic "altar server" on the front.

I am also one of the PPs who mentioned tipping altar servers. From the replies it seems that this varies by parish. In our parish, you absolutely DO tip the altar server ($10-20, mostly 20) for weddings and funerals because it is "extra"--not part of their assigned days, and they volunteer for the assignment to get spending money. If you called our parish, they would tell you that.

However; based on other replies, it looks like for some parishes, when they set up the altar serving dates and commitments, they may also have situations where the altar servers are in reserve for special occasions and it's part of their normal duties.

So I would check, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ The ones with a picture of the deceased on them are more like protestant memorial cards.

Then you don't know many Irish Catholics, because the card with the picture is absolutely traditional and very common.

That must be regional because virtually every funeral I've ever been to in my life has been for Irish Catholics, and they all have pictures of saints, not the deceased.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ The ones with a picture of the deceased on them are more like protestant memorial cards.

Then you don't know many Irish Catholics, because the card with the picture is absolutely traditional and very common.

That must be regional because virtually every funeral I've ever been to in my life has been for Irish Catholics, and they all have pictures of saints, not the deceased.

In NY and in Ireland, pictures of the deceased are common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ The ones with a picture of the deceased on them are more like protestant memorial cards.

Then you don't know many Irish Catholics, because the card with the picture is absolutely traditional and very common.

That must be regional because virtually every funeral I've ever been to in my life has been for Irish Catholics, and they all have pictures of saints, not the deceased.

In NY and in Ireland, pictures of the deceased are common.

and in Pennsylvania too -- Irish and Italian

[Anonymous]

Yes you definitely tip alter servers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never heard of tipping altar boys/girls

But definitely do the Eagle's Wings song. Water works...

+1. And Oh God Our Help in Ages Past, if Catholics have that one