Intimacy vs sex-- which is more important?

[Anonymous]

I think that once the intimacy is established sex becomes the most important thing for men, for me anyway. If my wife and I are having regular good sex then my patience, kindness and willingness to please are high; I don't do it on purpose, I love my wife more than anything but I am far more likely to get up at 5 AM to go to the gas station to fill her tank if we had sex the night before.

[Anonymous]

sex

[Anonymous]

Everyone has their own ideas about intimacy. For me, in the end, it amounts to feeling completely safe to be myself and vulnerable, as well. The path for my getting to this place is hard to describe, because it hasn't always been true.

As for sex, I have always enjoyed it, even without emotional intimacy. But this feeling of being safe does amplify the pleasure and goes back to amplify the feeling of intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Sex keeps my husband from acting like a raging asshole. Now that I know he is capable of being a raging asshole, I have no desire to be emotionally intimate with him. So sex is more important to our relationship.

[Anonymous]

The sex is only good for me when the intimacy is high. Don't get me wrong, the sex is important, but it SUCKS when intimacy is missing with my husband. I think for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think for men sex=intimacy

Men (and women) who think this end up being a relationship mess... they continue to seek intimacy through sex and blame their partner because they never learned how to be intimate with somebody.

Very common to have intimacy issues and never address it because you blame others and seek it through sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I think that once the intimacy is established sex becomes the most important thing for men, for me anyway. If my wife and I are having regular good sex then my patience, kindness and willingness to please are high; I don't do it on purpose, I love my wife more than anything but I am far more likely to get up at 5 AM to go to the gas station to fill her tank if we had sex the night before.

You actually do it on purpose unless a evil spirit possesses your body.

You can love you wife and purposely hurt her too, you are human. But you lack patience, kindness and willingness to please because you lack self control not because you don't get sex.

Meditation will help you learn to control your mind body connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think that once the intimacy is established sex becomes the most important thing for men, for me anyway. If my wife and I are having regular good sex then my patience, kindness and willingness to please are high; I don't do it on purpose, I love my wife more than anything but I am far more likely to get up at 5 AM to go to the gas station to fill her tank if we had sex the night before.

You actually do it on purpose unless a evil spirit possesses your body.

You can love you wife and purposely hurt her too, you are human. But you lack patience, kindness and willingness to please because you lack self control not because you don't get sex.

Meditation will help you learn to control your mind body connection.

Wow talk about an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Whichever one you're not getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH lists sexual fulfillment and intimacy as two of his basic needs off some workshop list we had. I listed intimacy but not sexual fulfillment. To me, intimate things like walks, nonsexual massage, cuddles, hugs are way more important than sex. Am I crazy? FYI, 46, DW, 3 kids

This question is odd. It's like you want us to say "you're right OP!" so you can go back to your husband and tell him the things he needs are wrong. People are different and like different things. Now that you know that is something he prioritizes you need to figure out what you are going to do about helping him meet that need not how to make him feel shitty for needing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think for men sex=intimacy

Wrong and my DW makes the same assumption. When I mention my desire/need for intimacy she automatically thinks I mean sex.

What do you mean? Food?

Such a stupid comment. Intimacy and sex are not the same thing. If I think of a need for intimacy it might be a hug, or holding hands on a walk, or a soul-baring conversation, or a relaxing hot tub together. Soooo much more to intimacy than sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The sex is only good for me when the intimacy is high. Don't get me wrong, the sex is important, but it SUCKS when intimacy is missing with my husband. I think for both of us.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think that once the intimacy is established sex becomes the most important thing for men, for me anyway. If my wife and I are having regular good sex then my patience, kindness and willingness to please are high; I don't do it on purpose, I love my wife more than anything but I am far more likely to get up at 5 AM to go to the gas station to fill her tank if we had sex the night before.

You actually do it on purpose unless a evil spirit possesses your body.

You can love you wife and purposely hurt her too, you are human. But you lack patience, kindness and willingness to please because you lack self control not because you don't get sex.

Meditation will help you learn to control your mind body connection.

Wow talk about an asshole.

Hey! That's not cool lol!
Allow me to rephrase; I am a good, giving and fair partner no matter what is going on but if we are completely synced up I find myself noticing ways to make her day more than I would normally. I am not her servant nor is she mine but I don't mind playing the role once in a while if the mood strikes me
If that makes me an asshole then so be it but I don't think I'm alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I think that once the intimacy is established sex becomes the most important thing for men, for me anyway. If my wife and I are having regular good sex then my patience, kindness and willingness to please are high; I don't do it on purpose, I love my wife more than anything but I am far more likely to get up at 5 AM to go to the gas station to fill her tank if we had sex the night before.

You actually do it on purpose unless a evil spirit possesses your body.

You can love you wife and purposely hurt her too, you are human. But you lack patience, kindness and willingness to please because you lack self control not because you don't get sex.

Meditation will help you learn to control your mind body connection.

Wow talk about an asshole.

Hey! That's not cool lol!
Allow me to rephrase; I am a good, giving and fair partner no matter what is going on but if we are completely synced up I find myself noticing ways to make her day more than I would normally. I am not her servant nor is she mine but I don't mind playing the role once in a while if the mood strikes me
If that makes me an asshole then so be it but I don't think I'm alone.

NP here. I thought you were being honest ... that the more loving she is to you, the more loving you are to her -- just instinctively. Not that you go out of your way to NOT fill up her gas tank, but that you DO go out of your way when you are feeling more loving. Makes sense to me.

[Anonymous]

I feel no connection without sex. If I'm not getting regular sex or my wife goes long bouts of not wanting sex I withdraw emotionally. Kind of counter-productive but I can't help the way I feel.

38 year old male