Invited to ex SIL's baby shower

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

does the SIL know about the affair? does rhe rest of ex's family?

His whole family knows about the affair. Some of his relatives went out on double/triple dates with them while we were still married.

Wow. I definitely wouldn't go. I guess be the better person and figure out a way for your daughter to go with grandma or step mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

does the SIL know about the affair? does rhe rest of ex's family?

His whole family knows about the affair. Some of his relatives went out on double/triple dates with them while we were still married.

Wow. I definitely wouldn't go. I guess be the better person and figure out a way for your daughter to go with grandma or step mom.

Agree. Find a way for your daughter to go but not for a million dollars would I attend.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it's probably best that I don't attend. I'll send her gift with my daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

Were you invited solo or was it for you and your daughter? She may want the niece there and felt she had to invite you as well (since you say you haven't had a close relationship since the divorce). I would see about having the stepmother or grandmother bringing your daughter if she was invited with gift from the two of you.

The invitation was sent to both of us.

Send your daughter with a gift from you both. It's a courtesy invite, so good to model good manners to your daughter but no need to go.

[Anonymous]

If your SIL didn't participate in supporting the affair, then she might be trying to signal to you that she doesn't blame you or want to exclude you. In that case, I would send a gift and a note wishing her the best and, perhaps, indicating you would love to see the baby when she gets settled after the birth.

Personally, I wouldn't go out of my way to facilitate my child attending SIL's baby shower. It's the ex's job to facilitate his own family relationships. If he wants his daughter to go, then he can ask to switch time with you and take her himself or arrange for her to go with another female family member. This is not your job.

IMO, unless your daughter is 18+ a baby shower isn't really appropriate for kids to attend anyway.

If SIL was a participant in supporting the affair, then I would just reply that neither of you can attend, and leave it at that.

BTW, thank your lucky stars that you are divorced!!! What kind of crazy family goes on double dates with an affair partner?!? I don't care if you were the worst person in the world and they encouraged divorce, supporting an affair is seriously dysfunctional family behavior.

[Anonymous]

Wow, definitely don't go and subject yourself to that. As a wife and mother, I bet your SIL was silently in your corner. It sucks when family places you in an awkward position. Agree with others about a note saying you would love to meet her new baby instead. If she's a great auntie, this is a win win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

Were you invited solo or was it for you and your daughter? She may want the niece there and felt she had to invite you as well (since you say you haven't had a close relationship since the divorce). I would see about having the stepmother or grandmother bringing your daughter if she was invited with gift from the two of you.

The invitation was sent to both of us.

You have to go. This is one of these things we do for our children: make sure they have other relatives in their lives.

If you want to help SIL and your daughter spend a little quality time together, I would consider asking SIL if you and daughter can show up early and "help set up" as you have to leave early because of a conflict. This way you foster that relationship but minimize the time you will be with AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

Were you invited solo or was it for you and your daughter? She may want the niece there and felt she had to invite you as well (since you say you haven't had a close relationship since the divorce). I would see about having the stepmother or grandmother bringing your daughter if she was invited with gift from the two of you.

The invitation was sent to both of us.

You have to go. This is one of these things we do for our children: make sure they have other relatives in their lives.

If you want to help SIL and your daughter spend a little quality time together, I would consider asking SIL if you and daughter can show up early and "help set up" as you have to leave early because of a conflict. This way you foster that relationship but minimize the time you will be with AP.

I wholeheartedly disagree with this, PP.

As others have said, OP...send a warm, kind, sincere note and gift with the promise that you'll be by to visit postpartum. That's it. I'd stay away from the shower and be damn sure to keep my DD away, too. No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you like her, send a small gift and offer to take her out to lunch. But I wouldn't attend.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

Were you invited solo or was it for you and your daughter? She may want the niece there and felt she had to invite you as well (since you say you haven't had a close relationship since the divorce). I would see about having the stepmother or grandmother bringing your daughter if she was invited with gift from the two of you.

The invitation was sent to both of us.

You have to go. This is one of these things we do for our children: make sure they have other relatives in their lives.

If you want to help SIL and your daughter spend a little quality time together, I would consider asking SIL if you and daughter can show up early and "help set up" as you have to leave early because of a conflict. This way you foster that relationship but minimize the time you will be with AP.

This. Is it possible they just invited you since they wanted DD there, and didn't want to piss you off for not being invited. It's just weird that they would want you there, considering the situation. Just a thought.

I wholeheartedly disagree with this, PP.

As others have said, OP...send a warm, kind, sincere note and gift with the promise that you'll be by to visit postpartum. That's it. I'd stay away from the shower and be damn sure to keep my DD away, too. No way.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree about it not being your responsibility to nurture DD's relationship. If it's held on exH's weekend, then DD goes. If not, just decline and be done with it.

[charliegirl816]

Since it seems that she may be reaching out to you. Maybe consider either calling her and share why you would not be attending, or send her a card explaining why with a gift. If she is willing to reestablish the relationship, then hopefully she will contact you again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you like her, send a small gift and offer to take her out to lunch. But I wouldn't attend.

+1