Invited to ex SIL's baby shower

[Anonymous]

My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

[Anonymous]

OP, I meant to post this in Family Relationships, can this be moved please?

[Anonymous]

Were you and the SIL friendly before the divorce? Is there any chance that your ex's new woman be there? It sounds like your ex SIL likes you and is trying to reconnect. In your situation, I would think seriously about going. But, if you are worried that it will make you feel really bad, I think it's fine to send a friendly card and a gift.

[Anonymous]

Neither attend nor mail gift. So strange.

[Anonymous]

If you like her, send a small gift and offer to take her out to lunch. But I wouldn't attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you and the SIL friendly before the divorce? Is there any chance that your ex's new woman be there? It sounds like your ex SIL likes you and is trying to reconnect. In your situation, I would think seriously about going. But, if you are worried that it will make you feel really bad, I think it's fine to send a friendly card and a gift.

Yes we were friendly before the divorce and she's great with my daughter. But we haven't been close since the divorce. I'm sure my ex's new wife will be there and she's the reason I don't want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you and the SIL friendly before the divorce? Is there any chance that your ex's new woman be there? It sounds like your ex SIL likes you and is trying to reconnect. In your situation, I would think seriously about going. But, if you are worried that it will make you feel really bad, I think it's fine to send a friendly card and a gift.

Yes we were friendly before the divorce and she's great with my daughter. But we haven't been close since the divorce. I'm sure my ex's new wife will be there and she's the reason I don't want to go.

Depends. She is your daughter's aunt and tjisbisca relationship you should want to encourage. Ex's wife is step mother and this, too, is a relationship that needs to be cordial for your daughter's sake and also for you. I would go. You don't have to stay long but but it opens a door to your daughter's paternal family. And for new wife, remember, if your ex did it with her, he'll do it to her. Smile when you think this.

[Anonymous]

Send a gift and a nice note. She will always be your child's aunt. She's loved your child; you can celebrate her child. Don't attend.

[Anonymous]

I would decline but send a gift and say that you would love to come by and see the new baby sometime after it is born. This keeps the door open to being friendly with SIL, while avoiding having to be at the shower with the new wife.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your SIL misses you and is trying to reconnect. I completely understand not wanting to see the new wife, so I think declining and sending a gift is completely fine, but I think it would be nice to also email her and say you're sorry to miss it, but perhaps she could meet you for lunch one day to catch up. You two were family, and you still have family connections, there's no reason you can't still maintain a friendship with her, even if you're not joining them for Thanksgiving dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

Were you invited solo or was it for you and your daughter? She may want the niece there and felt she had to invite you as well (since you say you haven't had a close relationship since the divorce). I would see about having the stepmother or grandmother bringing your daughter if she was invited with gift from the two of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

does the SIL know about the affair? does rhe rest of ex's family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

Were you invited solo or was it for you and your daughter? She may want the niece there and felt she had to invite you as well (since you say you haven't had a close relationship since the divorce). I would see about having the stepmother or grandmother bringing your daughter if she was invited with gift from the two of you.

The invitation was sent to both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

does the SIL know about the affair? does rhe rest of ex's family?

His whole family knows about the affair. Some of his relatives went out on double/triple dates with them while we were still married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex SIL is having a baby and I was sent an invitation for the shower. I've pretty much have avoided my ex's family since our divorce. My ex had an affair and ended up marrying his AP. I don't have any issues with his sister or anyone else in the family, but I do try to avoid my ex and his wife. Should I attend the shower or just mail a gift?

does the SIL know about the affair? does rhe rest of ex's family?

His whole family knows about the affair. Some of his relatives went out on double/triple dates with them while we were still married.

Gross. I wouldn't go if the new wife was going to be there-haven't got time for the pain. If you like the SIL and she wasn't actively supporting the affair, I'd send a gift and tell her that you and your daughter would take her to lunch to celebrate.