How to meet available guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:church.
library.
go on a hike - easy pickin's
Craigslist personals.
the mall.
kids school.
park.
on an airplane.
downtown.
at a bar.
walking down the street.
through a friend.
your exes sibling.

This is nearly useless. I'm a single/divorced 49 yo male in the dating pool. It's ugly out there. So far I've only gotten dates from online dating. It's ok but not perfect. You can't meet someone "downtown" or "hiking" or wherever. Sure it works in Romantic Comedy films, but the few times I tried making small talk to a woman at say a grocery store or downtown - it was awkward and was obviously a bad idea. I'm not misfortunate looking (and "tall enough" - that's a thing now apparently in dating). It's just terrible out there. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:church.
library.
go on a hike - easy pickin's
Craigslist personals.
the mall.
kids school.
park.
on an airplane.
downtown.
at a bar.
walking down the street.
through a friend.
your exes sibling.

This is nearly useless. I'm a single/divorced 49 yo male in the dating pool. It's ugly out there. So far I've only gotten dates from online dating. It's ok but not perfect. You can't meet someone "downtown" or "hiking" or wherever. Sure it works in Romantic Comedy films, but the few times I tried making small talk to a woman at say a grocery store or downtown - it was awkward and was obviously a bad idea. I'm not misfortunate looking (and "tall enough" - that's a thing now apparently in dating). It's just terrible out there. Good luck.

This is what scares me. I have no interest or experience in the online dating world and just don't want to try it. It's intimidating and I don't want my picture out there for all to see. I think I'm relatively attractive but I come in fleeting contact with a lot of people through my work and am afraid someone would recognize me in my professional world. Is that a weird fear? I also don't want to be judge solely on my looks. My STBXH is 5'8 which I think is the perfect height for my 5'4. I think over 6' is too tall for me. Everyone has different preferences I guess.

I find it strange that every divorced mom I know is either single or trying their hand unsuccessfully at dating. But their ex-husbands are all coupled up (all very quickly after the dissolution of the marriage). It's odd to me. Maybe the women are stuck with more of the childcare responsibilities leaving the guys with free time? Or maybe the guys just need someone to take care of them so they latch on to the first woman that looks their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:church.
library.
go on a hike - easy pickin's
Craigslist personals.
the mall.
kids school.
park.
on an airplane.
downtown.
at a bar.
walking down the street.
through a friend.
your exes sibling.

This is nearly useless. I'm a single/divorced 49 yo male in the dating pool. It's ugly out there. So far I've only gotten dates from online dating. It's ok but not perfect. You can't meet someone "downtown" or "hiking" or wherever. Sure it works in Romantic Comedy films, but the few times I tried making small talk to a woman at say a grocery store or downtown - it was awkward and was obviously a bad idea. I'm not misfortunate looking (and "tall enough" - that's a thing now apparently in dating). It's just terrible out there. Good luck.

Another divorced guy here, 50, 6-foot. Online gets you lots of sitdowns, but the problem is expectations, standards. Women our age want to be dazzled or be left alone. It's bad, at least for us quiet types.

[Anonymous]

Hikes are great. I meet a lot of new people of both sexes hiking. It's just two of you in the woods and so it is natural to talk with each other. Beyond hi, on to exploring a bit about each other.

[Anonymous]

I'm 45. I went to a speed dating event a few months ago. It didn't amount to anything but it was fun. There were people that were easy to talk to and the 6-7 minutes passed quickly. And there were a few that it was like pulling teeth with.

A date is not a one sided job interview. You have to be able to hold your own in conversation.

Of the 16 men I met, I was physically attracted to 1 and had a nice conversation with 2 others. The other 13 were not for me. The one I was physically attracted to was geographically undesirable. I'm not looking to commute for a date. He lived north of Baltimore and I'm in Bethesda. One of the nice guys was still too close to his separation and really not ready to date. The last one is nice enough. There's no real chemistry but we've been out twice.

OP-- I have the same concerns about online dating as you do. I don't want the world to know I'm trying to date. Posting your picture makes that announcement. I also don't have any pics of just me. Lots with kids but I'm not posting those. So I'll end up with a profile of lots of selfies--yuck. I also have no interest in penis pictures. I can't believe that there are 40+ men that think this behavior is ok. I suppose in a way it's fine; it immediately weeds them out of consideration and I don't have to waste my time.

I'm thinking in the next few months I'll gather up the courage to start. One thing I have figured out is that I like short first dates. Like Panera at 2pm for coffee. 2-2:30 and then see if there's anything worth pursuing later. My babysitter costs me $15/hr. That means for an evening date I'm probably paying $60 from start to finish. I can't spend that type of money multiple times per week so you better be worth it. 2pm coffee while the kids are in school is much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hikes are great. I meet a lot of new people of both sexes hiking. It's just two of you in the woods and so it is natural to talk with each other. Beyond hi, on to exploring a bit about each other.

+1 Plus it's good for you. You'll find it easier to keep weight off and tone up just a bit, increasing your appeal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:church.
library.
go on a hike - easy pickin's
Craigslist personals.
the mall.
kids school.
park.
on an airplane. F
downtown.
at a bar.
walking down the street.
through a friend.
your exes sibling.

This is nearly useless. I'm a single/divorced 49 yo male in the dating pool. It's ugly out there. So far I've only gotten dates from online dating. It's ok but not perfect. You can't meet someone "downtown" or "hiking" or wherever. Sure it works in Romantic Comedy films, but the few times I tried making small talk to a woman at say a grocery store or downtown - it was awkward and was obviously a bad idea. I'm not misfortunate looking (and "tall enough" - that's a thing now apparently in dating). It's just terrible out there. Good luck.

Yes it is terrible out there - I'm sick of providing free meals to women who jump from one online date to the next.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:church.
library.
go on a hike - easy pickin's
Craigslist personals.
the mall.
kids school.
park.
on an airplane. F
downtown.
at a bar.
walking down the street.
through a friend.
your exes sibling.

This is nearly useless. I'm a single/divorced 49 yo male in the dating pool. It's ugly out there. So far I've only gotten dates from online dating. It's ok but not perfect. You can't meet someone "downtown" or "hiking" or wherever. Sure it works in Romantic Comedy films, but the few times I tried making small talk to a woman at say a grocery store or downtown - it was awkward and was obviously a bad idea. I'm not misfortunate looking (and "tall enough" - that's a thing now apparently in dating). It's just terrible out there. Good luck.

Yes it is terrible out there - I'm sick of providing free meals to women who jump from one online date to the next.

I meet for the first time at a coffee shop. Most I will be out is $10...meals are too much of a commitment for the first date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You honestly need to put yourself out there. I am your age and I resisted dating because I had a mental block despite knowing there are many suitors waiting on the sidelines. It is time to open up the floodgates and have fun.

PS - work and co-ed sports teams are a great way to meet available men. I didn't realize how many men found me sexy/hot until I flashed the green light.

How does one do this? I did not come equipped with lights.

[Anonymous]

Try the website "Its Just Lunch". It's not cheap but they do seem to have a decent screening process. The fact that it is pretty expensive is actually a good thing because guys trolling for booty aren't going to spend money. Stay away from places like CL. When its free you get what you pay for.

[Anonymous]

What are some sites that those of you in your 40s and 50s have liked best? I'm looking for the ones with lowest ratio of penis photos and relatively normal people.

[Anonymous]

Go to some political rallies this season. But you're likely to find manlier guys at the Trump rallies.

[Anonymous]

Don't do its just lunch. Horrible service. Really really horrible. Way more women than men. So if you are a woman you get matched with whoever is available. They say they will match based on the profile you give them but the way they do it is ridiculous. Oh you like watching football. Well Jerry here doesn't watch football but he played soccer once when he was in college. So he's a match!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You honestly need to put yourself out there. I am your age and I resisted dating because I had a mental block despite knowing there are many suitors waiting on the sidelines. It is time to open up the floodgates and have fun.

PS - work and co-ed sports teams are a great way to meet available men. I didn't realize how many men found me sexy/hot until I flashed the green light.

How does one do this? I did not come equipped with lights.

Do what you did in college. Make drunken decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You honestly need to put yourself out there. I am your age and I resisted dating because I had a mental block despite knowing there are many suitors waiting on the sidelines. It is time to open up the floodgates and have fun.

PS - work and co-ed sports teams are a great way to meet available men. I didn't realize how many men found me sexy/hot until I flashed the green light.

How does one do this? I did not come equipped with lights.

Do what you did in college. Make drunken decisions.

Or maybe just flirt?