Who is responsible for getting a babysitter?

[Anonymous]

I can't even fathom the question. It's SAHM responsibility. It might be different if it was a FT work-work issue. But it's work-volunteer conflict.

This has come up before. I am SAHM and husband is BigLaw partner. If I have PTA or something and he's out of town I wouldn't dream of telling him to find a sitter. That's not our agreement.

[Anonymous]

Oh, look, all of the nice and non-judgemental people showed up to comment!

Lol DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should, but I will say his reason is bullshit.

+1

I agree you should but not because your DH is incapable of using an online calendar. I agree with the pp that it is better for the person paying the babysitter/impacted to make the arrangements. If the sitter had to cancel it would be better to go to you directly, not text DH on business travel to tell you, to have you make alternate arrangements. Or conversely if your volunteer commitment was canceled that week or you were able to work something out with another mom, you shouldn't have to go thru DH to cancel the sitter.

Also in terms of responsibilities, when DH travels, I am 100% responsible for the kids. If I want to do anything with my friends or attend a PTA meeting etc while he is away, I have to make childcare arrangements. Even with my job, I have to make sure I can pick up the kids on time, I may even take some vacation time so for example I can work 7 hour days and comfortably leave on time to pick them up or do so I can leave early enough so we aren't eating dinner at 7:30pm. That said, DH has a responsibility to lesson the burden of his travel, like not always traveling, leaving as late as he can to get there comfortably on time versus going out a day ahead, doing stuff with the kids before and after, asking his parents to help (if I agree), making sure we have the money to hire a sitter if needed (it isn't so tight we need his per diem money, but if we did I would hope that would factor in) , doubling up on driving a carpool so it won't be his turn to drive the week he is away ...things like that.

[Anonymous]

I can't even believe this is a question. Do you have an arsenal of sitters? Call them when you know he will be traveling.

[Anonymous]

You. As a SAHM childcare is your primary responsibility and that includes finding childcare when there is a conflict.

[Anonymous]

His work is work. It's not voluntary. His worK benefits all of you. Volunteering is not necessary, and benefits only you. This is your responsibility.

[Anonymous]

You need to get babysitting yourself for your PTA meetings. You're the SAH.

[Anonymous]

In our family, the person who has the childcare responsibility that evening is the person who hires the sitter.

So if you have an event on the calendar for November 12, your husband assumes childcare responsibility for that date. If he then later has a work travel commitment come up that means he can't fulfill that responsibility on that date, he's responsible for finding the care.

I don't see why it makes a difference whether the person's regular work is at home or not at home.

[Anonymous]

Good god. You don't work for Christ sake. The reason you have this luxury is because your husband works to support your lazy ass.

[Anonymous]

If you have like five kids under five, I might understand the question. If you just have one , two or three kids in school then you are just being lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our family, the person who has the childcare responsibility that evening is the person who hires the sitter.

So if you have an event on the calendar for November 12, your husband assumes childcare responsibility for that date. If he then later has a work travel commitment come up that means he can't fulfill that responsibility on that date, he's responsible for finding the care.

I don't see why it makes a difference whether the person's regular work is at home or not at home.

As a former sitter, and now parent, it is sort of annoying to have a third party (i.e. Parent who will be out of town) as the liaison. Invariably, the parent who will be there and the sitter end up needing to be in contact so it's easier to start that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have like five kids under five, I might understand the question. If you just have one , two or three kids in school then you are just being lazy.

She's not being lazy but she's not holding her end of the deal up. Her husband is out of town WORKING and she wants him to find the babysitter so she can go volunteer? That's crazy. She's the one doing hand off and letting go of the babysitter that night and knows how long she will be gone and such. Why would she not handle this? If he's traveling for work and she's the SAH, it's on her to find childcare for the nights she won't be there to take care of the kids. It's just absurd she wants him to handle this for her.

[Anonymous]

You. Why is this even a question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You. Why is this even a question?

Because she wants to pretend volunteering at the kids' school is on the same level of her husband's job so he needs to contribute to this too. She's Sheryl Sandberg. We're Leaning In here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are responsible because yours is lesser time. He doesnt have an option to do work travel either its part of his job.
Now if he wanted to go out for happy hour on a night when you have a commitment then I think he should help out with finding a sitter.

+1. Are we talking about once a week or more? Seems like a regular commitment would lend itself well to a regular sitter for that night. DH could also relax and have that evening to himself.