Who is responsible for getting a babysitter?

[Anonymous]

I bet you have a great marriage, OP, what with your attempts to keep score and all.

Eyeroll.

[Anonymous]

He can't be bothered to look at a calendar?

I would do it simply so I know it's done.

[Anonymous]

Here is the only relevant part of your entire post OP: "I am a SAHM with a volunteer commitment that has regular, predictable evening obligations that are on the calendar months in advance."

You are a STAY AT HOME MOM. Your job is the kids, the household, and anything related to those. This means that booking babysitting, for a volunteer commitment that you are receiving the dates for in advance, is YOUR responsibility. I don't even understand how this is a question.

Your husband works out of the house. He is the breadwinner. He is responsible for providing for the family. Just in case this wasn't clear to you.

FWIW, the fact that you even asked this question makes me feel terrible for your hubby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either one. You share the kids, it is a shared responsibility. If he isn't good at it, just do it so you know it is taken care of.

Personally, I think the person who will be there and paying the sitter is the best person to do it. Having someone who won't be there arranging on your behalf is a pain all around, especially for the sitter.

This is the correct answer.

+1

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter whose responsibility it is as long as you guys agree on who it is. Honestly, it is much easier for one person to keep track of the babysitters than both of you.

[Anonymous]

I have a traveling spouse and had volunteering commitments during the babysitter years. I found the babysitters, BUT BUT BUT DH was responsible for keeping up with the family calendar and minimizing those conflicting nights AND informing me of them at the time he made his plans. We coordinate our calendars to this day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter whose responsibility it is as long as you guys agree on who it is. Honestly, it is much easier for one person to keep track of the babysitters than both of you.

It's much easier for the person who is HOME to keep track of the babysitters than the one who is traveling for work. What's he supposed to do, call the babysitter from Detroit and say "Can you sit for Barbara tonight?" So foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter whose responsibility it is as long as you guys agree on who it is. Honestly, it is much easier for one person to keep track of the babysitters than both of you.

It's much easier for the person who is HOME to keep track of the babysitters than the one who is traveling for work. What's he supposed to do, call the babysitter from Detroit and say "Can you sit for Barbara tonight?" So foolish.

Agreed. But I think she's hoping he'll plan it BEFORE he goes to Detroit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter whose responsibility it is as long as you guys agree on who it is. Honestly, it is much easier for one person to keep track of the babysitters than both of you.

It's much easier for the person who is HOME to keep track of the babysitters than the one who is traveling for work. What's he supposed to do, call the babysitter from Detroit and say "Can you sit for Barbara tonight?" So foolish.

Agreed. But I think she's hoping he'll plan it BEFORE he goes to Detroit.

Maybe but it's still not his problem. I agree his excuse of "I don't look at the calendar" is dumb, but it's not his responsibility to find a babysitter for HER to go to the monthly PTA meeting. The SAH parent is the one who assumes the bulk of childcare- that's the job. If she's not around to watch the kids on the nights he is traveling for work, she needs to find the sitter!

[Anonymous]

This is on you. The babysitter issue seems to be a placeholder for a deeper argument about value or status, OP. You don't have to see it that way. It is wonderful that you each have important events on the family calendar. It's not a slight to you that arranging for a babysitter when conflicts arise falls to you. This really does fall under your job description. I wouldn't make it about other things.

Having said all of this, his excuse is totally lame. I think he probably didn't want to start a fight by pointing out the obvious. It's not his problem.

[Anonymous]

I work FT and I would handle the sitter in that situation.

[Anonymous]

You are responsible, because chances are, it means more to you and you will be unhappy with him if he doesn't find someone good. Easier just to head off that whole mess by just finding someone yourself.

(Single mom here. The one time I let my ex find the sitter - because he was deployed and nobody else was available and his friend recommended her - she was exorbitantly expensive, lazy, let our daughter watch inappropriate shows while she talked on the phone, didn't drive and ate a ton of food from our fridge. I don't let him book sitters anymore.)

[Anonymous]

Good Lord people get hung up on this whole SAHM, who-is-earning-the-income thing!

Caring for children should be a joint effort as much as possible. I posted earlier and agree OP should be finding the sitter, but not because she's a SAHM and her all important money earner is away from home working. (BTW OP, the fact that he isn't even home? That should tell you that you need to book the sitter right there)

However, OP needs to find the sitter because her husband isn't very clued in about what goes on at home. He can't even look at a calendar! How the hell is he going to book a sitter and actually make sure it's the right night and the right time? What if something happened, he wouldn't have a clue where his wife is. Or who is with his kids. All he knows how to do is earn a paycheck.

[Anonymous]

OP is the one who needs the sitter. DH won't be home. OP will be home with the kids. She wants to leave without the kids. Hereford, she needs to hire the sitter. The answer would be the same if she works outside the home, works from home, or stays at home.

Imagine you only have one car, and DH needed to take the car with him for this trip. You need a ride to your volunteer gig. Would you insist DH reserve your uber because he took the car on a night you usually have it? No. That would be silly. Same principle with the sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good Lord people get hung up on this whole SAHM, who-is-earning-the-income thing!

Caring for children should be a joint effort as much as possible. I posted earlier and agree OP should be finding the sitter, but not because she's a SAHM and her all important money earner is away from home working. (BTW OP, the fact that he isn't even home? That should tell you that you need to book the sitter right there)

However, OP needs to find the sitter because her husband isn't very clued in about what goes on at home. He can't even look at a calendar! How the hell is he going to book a sitter and actually make sure it's the right night and the right time? What if something happened, he wouldn't have a clue where his wife is. Or who is with his kids. All he knows how to do is earn a paycheck.

Yeah, op should help him do HIS job too!! Op do you answer his emails sometimes at night or book his meetings? You should. Team effort and all that.