How did you get over your AP?

[Anonymous]

Nasty

[Anonymous]

Time and distance. Toss anything that reminds you of him (including things like playlists, clothes, scents, etc.). Avoid places you went.

You won't forget him, but eventually he'll just be an ex.

[MikeL]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you're at work, focus on work. Try to minimize contact to the extent possible. Focus on rebuilding your marriage. Spend time with your family. Going to counseling on your lunch breaks is a good use of your time as well, in order to understand better what is going on with you that made this happen.

Why not do the right thing and tell your husband?

Cause that's not the right thing.

[Anonymous]

OP: I don't make excuses for my actions but telling my spouse is not an option. Believe it or not I love my husband dearly and i am with him because I love him. He is in school and I would never tell him and risk him not succeeding. I've stayed with him because I want to support him in reaching his career goals but that has come with a lot of neglect. He has focused more on his schooling than our marriage. I am the primary financial support for our family and know that he won't complete his schooling should we get a divorce. AP was my closest work friend for a few years. I didn't go looking to make a mistake, things became emotional and he started feeling the void at home. I try to remember that the grass isn't greener and think about how terrible things would be if my husband were to get hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don't make excuses for my actions but telling my spouse is not an option. Believe it or not I love my husband dearly and i am with him because I love him.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[Anonymous]

People who "love" their spouses don't cheat - it's that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who "love" their spouses don't cheat - it's that simple.

No, you have that wrong.

People who love their spouses don't cheat.
People who "love" their spouses do cheat.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a beta. I take back my advice of telling him.

Start looking for a new job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who "love" their spouses don't cheat - it's that simple.

No, you have that wrong.

People who love their spouses don't cheat.
People who "love" their spouses do cheat.

Good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don't make excuses for my actions but telling my spouse is not an option. Believe it or not I love my husband dearly and i am with him because I love him. He is in school and I would never tell him and risk him not succeeding. I've stayed with him because I want to support him in reaching his career goals but that has come with a lot of neglect. He has focused more on his schooling than our marriage. I am the primary financial support for our family and know that he won't complete his schooling should we get a divorce. AP was my closest work friend for a few years. I didn't go looking to make a mistake, things became emotional and he started feeling the void at home. I try to remember that the grass isn't greener and think about how terrible things would be if my husband were to get hurt.

You are a nut

[Anonymous]

Black and white morality people are of no use to anybody but themselves . They have no wisdom or empathy. Guaranteed to be horrible in bed. Plus , they are boring . Nobody likes them.

[Anonymous]

I was in love with my AP,when he said goodbye because his wife found out. 2 years later I'm still not over him. Sad but true. Extramarital affairs are not worth all the pain to all the people involved. I suppose in time things change but it is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: I don't make excuses for my actions but telling my spouse is not an option. Believe it or not I love my husband dearly and i am with him because I love him. He is in school and I would never tell him and risk him not succeeding. I've stayed with him because I want to support him in reaching his career goals but that has come with a lot of neglect. He has focused more on his schooling than our marriage. I am the primary financial support for our family and know that he won't complete his schooling should we get a divorce. AP was my closest work friend for a few years. I didn't go looking to make a mistake, things became emotional and he started feeling the void at home. I try to remember that the grass isn't greener and think about how terrible things would be if my husband were to get hurt.

You are a nut

I'd say more of a sociopath.

Either way, she needs to tell her husband. He deserves the opportunity to decide whether he wants to waste his life with a cheater who blames him for her infidelity.

[Anonymous]

I was in a sexless marriage. I had an affair with a beautiful woman from the gym that went for several months. She was divorced and not looking for anything serious. It was wonderful. I ended it. I have a kid and although I felt bad for cheating, I didn't at the same time. It was rough getting over the addiction of having someone want you and says things to you like you're so hot, you're great in bed, you feel good...that stuff I missed so much. Regardless I had to end it and did cold turkey. I just concentrated in working, kid, working out. I still feel empty, but not much I can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in the same situation - i "broke up" with him and at first it was painful but then I started to see the situation as the mirage that it was and him (as well as me but human nature I judge others more) for the fool that he was. Once we stopped the deep emotional intimacy it just got awkward enough we could keep a casual distance - its hard to have this big secret with someone and still be their close friend w/o acknowledging the big secret, so any remaining true closes and lingering feelings faded away.

It actually ended up being much easier than I expected - though we are both not overly dramatic people and are both very committed to keeping this buried forever.

This is good advice. Do not tell your DH. Good luck.