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realizing things about my childhood as an adult
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Anonymous
I agree. While PP's have some very valid points, they are being insensitive and unkind. |
Anonymous
You must be a great mother. |
Anonymous
OP has obviously hit a nerve. I wonder how many of the PPs stop and truly talk to their own children and ask them questions and truly make them the center of their lives. Probably very few, particularly if they aren't even around (physically for their kids) 40+ hours a week. Flame away. |
Anonymous
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Sounds like the typical white upper middle class spoiled brat.
Maybe you and your siblings wander aimlessly because you've never had to work for anything, with everything handed to you on a silver plate. You certainly seem to have no experiences that build character, which is why you all turned out so unremarkable. |
Anonymous
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This is going to sound harsh but maybe your parents didn't pay you any attention because you weren't that interesting?
Many people (myself included) don't find children particularly fascinating. Whether they spend the rest of their lives wandering around aimlessly as a result is a different question. |
Anonymous
I like you. |
Anonymous
| is this the mean moms' club or what? |
Anonymous
I was going to remark on what a kind, attentive mother you sound like, but I realize you may not have kids. Right? Please say you don't. |
Anonymous
I do! In 20 years time you will see my children, now grown into adults, staring vacantly into the distance, in some mall in the suburbs. |
Anonymous
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OP, ignore the nasty posters. They have nothing better to do than feel sorry for themselves. We each must play with the hand we are dealt. You were lucky in many ways, and I can see from your post that you are grateful for that.
But on the other hand, you felt your parents treated you as a possession and did not take the time to get to know you or appreciate you as a person. You don't want to repeat that situation with your own children. This is a worthy goal, and worth examining how to do that. The mean posters seem poisoned by their own pain, and unable to empathize with someone who has not suffered as they have. I can understand their feelings, yet I don't think that means OP has not suffered as well. I know a man whose parents treated him as yours did. They sent him to the best private schools, yet left him at home with nannies while they went off on vacations. They took a very superficial interest in him, even though they were not abusive, and they spent plenty of money on him. It's a subtle type of neglect, and it caused this man much pain and difficulty in his life. He too had trouble pinpointing the cause of his malaise because there was nothing obvious the matter, he thought. OP, it's good that you are thinking about your upbringing, and trying to find ways to make changes in the way you raise your own children. They will be better for it. |
Anonymous
| Well, I was an only child with very engaged parents. To this day, they hang on my every word, feeling, and action. I love them dearly, but it is smothering. I've often wished that they would back off just a little bit. I know that it's just that they love me dearly and are so proud of me, but it led me to move to DC from MA after college for a little breathing space. |
Anonymous
| I can indetify with what the OP is saying. I don't really blame my parents anymore now that I am adult as I have come to realize it had nothing to do with me - my parents were equally emotional void and distant with my siblings and with other adults including each other. I can also recognize now that my mother spent serious portions of her adult life depressed and back then people didn't discuss that openly nor did they seek treatment. (she wans't depressed enough to be suicidal just the general low level depression) so its likely that she probably recongized her own failings as a parent but couldn't overcome them. |
Anonymous
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I just feel like the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction and I am sick of people, the media, "experts", f-ing Dr. Sears telling me, as a mom (not so much my husband as a dad) that I am not doing enough for my child. And here is another person lamenting, am I paying enough attention?
I'm doing the best I can. I know a lot of moms who are doing the best they can. -Co-sleep and never let the baby sleep alone -never let your baby cry because he will feel abandoned -breast feed the baby until he is old enough to say, "mom, I'm uncomfortable with this, can I have a glass of milk?" -don't work because you someone else is raising your child, but be a role model to your children and save the world at the same time -wear your baby in a sling at all times, and while he is in the sling don't forget to get on that waiting list so when he turns 3 he can be at an "accredited" preschool -don't ever let your child feel like he can't depend on you to be there every second, but for heaven's sake don't coddle or smother your child -don't EVER watch TV again once you have a child because even when the little one is sleeping - the background noise seeps into his brain and STUNTS HIS BRAIN GROWTH! The OP has every right to rant. But I think the fact that people are getting fed up is that maybe some are sick of hearing it. |
Anonymous
| OP, I understand your musings over your childhood as you are raising your own. Raising your own kids is an opportunity to give them what you did not have. Over time,you may be surprised how much you gain from seeing your own children thrive. Time heals. |
Anonymous
| Nowadays in the DC metro area, anything less than helicopter parenting is deemed unacceptable. It's not fair to compare parents nowadays to our parents. Most dads from our parents' generation didn't change diapers, cook dinner, or talk to us about our feelings. Nowadays most couples have egalatarian marriages and their children are the center of their universe. Personally, I think we would all benefit from settling comfortably somewhere in between. |