Team Sports, Stop paying your kids for individual goals

[Anonymous]

I've coached U8 and U9 in a rec league. Last year we had a player whose father offered an "incentive" for goals. Which meant that a child who was uncooperative at practice (and often did not attend!) spent most of the game asking to be put at striker. And sulked or refused to go on the field when they were assigned any other position.

This may have been an extreme case (I certainly hope so!). But it is a team sport. Sometimes your child's best contribution would be to pass to the kid who is in front of the goal, rather than take a shot from the side. Or if they are playing defense, to prevent the other team from taking a shot. If you need to bribe your kid, that's your business -- but don't interfere with my effort to teach them to play like a team.

[Anonymous]

Don't do this:
"If you score, I'll pay you $100!"

DO this:
"Wow! Great game! Congrats on that goal! How about some ice cream to celebrate?"

[Anonymous]

Wow. We've been doing soccer here now for 5 years. This is literally the first time I have heard about this. If one of my parents did this, I, as a coach, would ask them to stop immediately. There is nothing worse than trying to coach a kid who doesn't want to be there. If you have to bribe your kids to play sports, stop now. Let them find another interest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I suppose none of you give rewards for A's on a report card.

Rewards can be motivating to kids, the problem you have is what parents may choose to reward. If done properly and judiciously they can be used to help break bad habits or create new ones. They can also backfire. But if you think the juice box at the end of the game or the ice cream waiting for them isn't a Pavlovian reward for participating on a day that they perhaps had to be dragged out of bed or away from their favorite cartoon to go and play than you are lying to yourself.

But an A on a report card is, without question, the best thing you can do in a class.

Scoring a goal might not be the best thing for the team. Maybe someone else had a better shot. Or maybe the poor coach is watching a bunch of kids fight with each other to score goals while no one plays defense or moves the ball through midfield.

Want to promise a kid ice cream if he/she gives a good effort in a game -- or actually BEHAVES in a game? OK, fine. But don't save your rewards for the kids who hang out in front of the Pugg goal for a shot at big money.

If you read what I said you would have known that you can change the goals to more developmental type goals. Things like doing a move, lest you believe that to be show boating, or successful passes or overlaps or crosses. Whatever the hell you think your kid needs to work on in a game.

For u littles it could be to look up and pass. But honestly, if we are talking about 6 or 7 years old, I hate to tell you but it isn't developmentally a team game. At that age it is all 'me and my ball" to the kids. They are not mature enough to play a team game and even see beyond themselves, so rewarding a kid for the outcome of a goal is actually age appropriate.

From 7-8/9 it is "me and my friend" then by age 10 the concept of team actually kicks in.

So the rewards should be for accomplishments that are developmentally appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've coached U8 and U9 in a rec league. Last year we had a player whose father offered an "incentive" for goals. Which meant that a child who was uncooperative at practice (and often did not attend!) spent most of the game asking to be put at striker. And sulked or refused to go on the field when they were assigned any other position.

This may have been an extreme case (I certainly hope so!). But it is a team sport. Sometimes your child's best contribution would be to pass to the kid who is in front of the goal, rather than take a shot from the side. Or if they are playing defense, to prevent the other team from taking a shot. If you need to bribe your kid, that's your business -- but don't interfere with my effort to teach them to play like a team.

If, at age 7 you have kids play a position, you are doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP back. I'm fine with bribes/money for individual sport achievements (3k, etc...), grades, chores. The huge difference I see on the field of team sports are players unable to play a team sport because their focus is on getting three goals themselves vs. passing to win the team game.

It's a team sport. Incentivize by being a great team player maybe. Soooo many crappy plays I've seen by players playing a team sport as an individual goaded by horrible parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my god, are people actually doing this?? Yeah, let's pay our kids to be selfish players. Jeezus.

This kind of thing is rampant in the local CYO sports leagues - which are just entertainment for the screaming parents.
Think feeding people to the lions in a stadium...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've coached U8 and U9 in a rec league. Last year we had a player whose father offered an "incentive" for goals. Which meant that a child who was uncooperative at practice (and often did not attend!) spent most of the game asking to be put at striker. And sulked or refused to go on the field when they were assigned any other position.

This may have been an extreme case (I certainly hope so!). But it is a team sport. Sometimes your child's best contribution would be to pass to the kid who is in front of the goal, rather than take a shot from the side. Or if they are playing defense, to prevent the other team from taking a shot. If you need to bribe your kid, that's your business -- but don't interfere with my effort to teach them to play like a team.

Did that dad have you 'fired' as the volunteer coach yet?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. I'm fine with bribes/money for individual sport achievements (3k, etc...), grades, chores. The huge difference I see on the field of team sports are players unable to play a team sport because their focus is on getting three goals themselves vs. passing to win the team game.

It's a team sport. Incentivize by being a great team player maybe. Soooo many crappy plays I've seen by players playing a team sport as an individual goaded by horrible parenting.

How old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

My brother got paid for goals but it's because he was q shitty and nervous player and they wanted him to get more involved.... and it was like, we will pay you fifty bucks if you make one goal this season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother got paid for goals but it's because he was q shitty and nervous player and they wanted him to get more involved.... and it was like, we will pay you fifty bucks if you make one goal this season.

How did that work out for him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother got paid for goals but it's because he was q shitty and nervous player and they wanted him to get more involved.... and it was like, we will pay you fifty bucks if you make one goal this season.

How did that work out for him?

It probably didn't work for him, but if he was a nervous player who wouldn't get involved how much of a negative effect on the team do you think the incentive had versus the alternative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I suppose none of you give rewards for A's on a report card.

Rewards can be motivating to kids, the problem you have is what parents may choose to reward. If done properly and judiciously they can be used to help break bad habits or create new ones. They can also backfire. But if you think the juice box at the end of the game or the ice cream waiting for them isn't a Pavlovian reward for participating on a day that they perhaps had to be dragged out of bed or away from their favorite cartoon to go and play than you are lying to yourself.

But an A on a report card is, without question, the best thing you can do in a class.

Scoring a goal might not be the best thing for the team. Maybe someone else had a better shot. Or maybe the poor coach is watching a bunch of kids fight with each other to score goals while no one plays defense or moves the ball through midfield.

Want to promise a kid ice cream if he/she gives a good effort in a game -- or actually BEHAVES in a game? OK, fine. But don't save your rewards for the kids who hang out in front of the Pugg goal for a shot at big money.

If you read what I said you would have known that you can change the goals to more developmental type goals. Things like doing a move, lest you believe that to be show boating, or successful passes or overlaps or crosses. Whatever the hell you think your kid needs to work on in a game.

For u littles it could be to look up and pass. But honestly, if we are talking about 6 or 7 years old, I hate to tell you but it isn't developmentally a team game. At that age it is all 'me and my ball" to the kids. They are not mature enough to play a team game and even see beyond themselves, so rewarding a kid for the outcome of a goal is actually age appropriate.

From 7-8/9 it is "me and my friend" then by age 10 the concept of team actually kicks in.

So the rewards should be for accomplishments that are developmentally appropriate.

I didn't realize I was supposed to extrapolate all that from "what parents may choose to reward."

Sure, we don't see a lot of passing at U7, and we're generally not assigning real "positions." But you want kids to come back to their own half of the field on occasion if the ball happens to be there.

We coaches often give individualized goals, including specific moves. (Not showboating at all -- we want kids to try stuff, especially at this age!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back. I'm fine with bribes/money for individual sport achievements (3k, etc...), grades, chores. The huge difference I see on the field of team sports are players unable to play a team sport because their focus is on getting three goals themselves vs. passing to win the team game.

It's a team sport. Incentivize by being a great team player maybe. Soooo many crappy plays I've seen by players playing a team sport as an individual goaded by horrible parenting.

Depending on the kids age you assume that a kid playing the game so that the team wins is developmentally important at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I suppose none of you give rewards for A's on a report card.

Rewards can be motivating to kids, the problem you have is what parents may choose to reward. If done properly and judiciously they can be used to help break bad habits or create new ones. They can also backfire. But if you think the juice box at the end of the game or the ice cream waiting for them isn't a Pavlovian reward for participating on a day that they perhaps had to be dragged out of bed or away from their favorite cartoon to go and play than you are lying to yourself.

But an A on a report card is, without question, the best thing you can do in a class.

Scoring a goal might not be the best thing for the team. Maybe someone else had a better shot. Or maybe the poor coach is watching a bunch of kids fight with each other to score goals while no one plays defense or moves the ball through midfield.

Want to promise a kid ice cream if he/she gives a good effort in a game -- or actually BEHAVES in a game? OK, fine. But don't save your rewards for the kids who hang out in front of the Pugg goal for a shot at big money.

If you read what I said you would have known that you can change the goals to more developmental type goals. Things like doing a move, lest you believe that to be show boating, or successful passes or overlaps or crosses. Whatever the hell you think your kid needs to work on in a game.

For u littles it could be to look up and pass. But honestly, if we are talking about 6 or 7 years old, I hate to tell you but it isn't developmentally a team game. At that age it is all 'me and my ball" to the kids. They are not mature enough to play a team game and even see beyond themselves, so rewarding a kid for the outcome of a goal is actually age appropriate.

From 7-8/9 it is "me and my friend" then by age 10 the concept of team actually kicks in.

So the rewards should be for accomplishments that are developmentally appropriate.

I didn't realize I was supposed to extrapolate all that from "what parents may choose to reward."

Sure, we don't see a lot of passing at U7, and we're generally not assigning real "positions." But you want kids to come back to their own half of the field on occasion if the ball happens to be there.

We coaches often give individualized goals, including specific moves. (Not showboating at all -- we want kids to try stuff, especially at this age!)

Good grief, at 6 years old they should just be working on technical skills. Worrying about a kid getting back in their half of the field is nice but you have 8 ball hogs on the field at the same time. Just put them on the field and let them play. If the parents want to reward the kid for goals who cares.