EVER ok to side with the cheater if they are family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You be polite. You weren't cheated on by this person. Are you going to have to make a personal declaration or something? How would your opinion even come up? Don't engage in a conversation about this.

Other family members are looking for every reason under the sun why the innocent party sucked and deserved to be cheated on. Every reasons is real, but wasn't a cause for opposition before. Relatives keep looking for me to chime in. It's all to make the cheater feel better. Because I'm not trashing the innocent party, I'm being asked if took their side. I actually got off FB for a week to avoid this pressure.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was a case of the guy marrying the other woman and starting a new family with her. I have a huge problem with that, and find it very difficult to be around a relative who did this. But I have to, honestly, if I want to have any relationship with his two kids.

If it was an affair, and it's over, I wouldn't give it another thought. I'm not sure how your kids know about it?

[Anonymous]

Your family sounds so horrible, why would you care what they think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:However, a long term relationship is suddenly over, someone will be missing from the table, and there are bound to be questions from the under 18 crowd that adored this person.

"Why isn't Aunt Sharon here?"

"Looks like she couldn't make it. Say, you aren't graduating this year, are you?"

---

"Why isn't Aunt Sharon here?"

"Loo--"

"SHARON WAS NOT OUR KIND OF PERSON ANYWAY."

"Okay. Kids, let's see if there's a game on/play some catch/take a walk and look for Pokemon."

[Anonymous]

OP I really appreciate what you're saying. My STBX is flying home for his sister's very casual wedding reception. I think everyone is going to act like me and my two (under 5) kids don't exist, and pretend he didnt have an affair and walk out on us. I was so wonderful to this family. It makes me sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I really appreciate what you're saying. My STBX is flying home for his sister's very casual wedding reception. I think everyone is going to act like me and my two (under 5) kids don't exist, and pretend he didnt have an affair and walk out on us. I was so wonderful to this family. It makes me sick.

I hope the situation goes more smoothly than you expect. I hope it isn't a bad experience. I would dread it, too.

There is a happy medium between pretending you and your kids don't exist on the one hand, and making this wedding celebration about something other than the couple you are gathering for: it can be, in theory, being warm and kind to you along with not being chillw ith your STBX. There are times and places for those conversations -- confrontations, questions, clarifications of support -- and the wedding of someone not involved in your marriage is not one of them.

Wishing you some peace and a short stint on that particular carnival ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I really appreciate what you're saying. My STBX is flying home for his sister's very casual wedding reception. I think everyone is going to act like me and my two (under 5) kids don't exist, and pretend he didnt have an affair and walk out on us. I was so wonderful to this family. It makes me sick.

Honestly though, what else are they supposed to do. It's awkward for them to speak up when they feel like it's not their place

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I really appreciate what you're saying. My STBX is flying home for his sister's very casual wedding reception. I think everyone is going to act like me and my two (under 5) kids don't exist, and pretend he didnt have an affair and walk out on us. I was so wonderful to this family. It makes me sick.

Honestly though, what else are they supposed to do. It's awkward for them to speak up when they feel like it's not their place

I treat them with kindess and welcome them as always especially the kids. It's not their fault they raised an asshole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You be polite. You weren't cheated on by this person. Are you going to have to make a personal declaration or something? How would your opinion even come up? Don't engage in a conversation about this.

Other family members are looking for every reason under the sun why the innocent party sucked and deserved to be cheated on. Every reasons is real, but wasn't a cause for opposition before. Relatives keep looking for me to chime in. It's all to make the cheater feel better. Because I'm not trashing the innocent party, I'm being asked if took their side. I actually got off FB for a week to avoid this pressure.

Don't participate in the badmouthing.

Change the subject whenever it comes up.

Go freshen your drink, powder your nose etc.

Your family sounds awful. You have my condolences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I really appreciate what you're saying. My STBX is flying home for his sister's very casual wedding reception. I think everyone is going to act like me and my two (under 5) kids don't exist, and pretend he didnt have an affair and walk out on us. I was so wonderful to this family. It makes me sick.

His sister's wedding isn't about you or your STBX's affair. The family should pretend you don't exist as you are not relevant to the purpose of the gathering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You be polite. You weren't cheated on by this person. Are you going to have to make a personal declaration or something? How would your opinion even come up? Don't engage in a conversation about this.

Other family members are looking for every reason under the sun why the innocent party sucked and deserved to be cheated on. Every reasons is real, but wasn't a cause for opposition before. Relatives keep looking for me to chime in. It's all to make the cheater feel better. Because I'm not trashing the innocent party, I'm being asked if took their side. I actually got off FB for a week to avoid this pressure.

Don't participate in the badmouthing.

Change the subject whenever it comes up.

Go freshen your drink, powder your nose etc.

Your family sounds awful. You have my condolences.

Good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. At my family reunions, we talk about swim teams, colleges, reality shows and pie recipies. Apparently, you people sit down and talk about who has been playing hide the salami with Uncle Billy.

I am crying!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You be polite. You weren't cheated on by this person. Are you going to have to make a personal declaration or something? How would your opinion even come up? Don't engage in a conversation about this.

Other family members are looking for every reason under the sun why the innocent party sucked and deserved to be cheated on. Every reasons is real, but wasn't a cause for opposition before. Relatives keep looking for me to chime in. It's all to make the cheater feel better. Because I'm not trashing the innocent party, I'm being asked if took their side. I actually got off FB for a week to avoid this pressure.

Don't participate in the badmouthing.

Change the subject whenever it comes up.

Go freshen your drink, powder your nose etc.

Your family sounds awful. You have my condolences.

Good advice.

I'm OP. This is good advice. Thanks and thank you for the sympathy. I agree that my family is horrible when it comes to this kind of stuff. I'm sorry that kids are going to be exposed to any of it. And I'm afraid that I'll be shunned for lack of loyalty to the cheater. I'd skip the family reunion, but we have non-refundable arrangements for flight and hotel.

[Anonymous]

I happen to believe that there are worse things in a marriage than cheating, such as physical or emotional abuse. If these things were present before one of them cheated, then it puts the cheating into perspective.

The issue is that you can never know what happened exactly,
so the best course is to stay as neutral as you can, and help both of them pick up the pieces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You be polite. You weren't cheated on by this person. Are you going to have to make a personal declaration or something? How would your opinion even come up? Don't engage in a conversation about this.

Other family members are looking for every reason under the sun why the innocent party sucked and deserved to be cheated on. Every reasons is real, but wasn't a cause for opposition before. Relatives keep looking for me to chime in. It's all to make the cheater feel better. Because I'm not trashing the innocent party, I'm being asked if took their side. I actually got off FB for a week to avoid this pressure.

Don't participate in the badmouthing.

Change the subject whenever it comes up.

Go freshen your drink, powder your nose etc.

Your family sounds awful. You have my condolences.

Good advice.

I'm OP. This is good advice. Thanks and thank you for the sympathy. I agree that my family is horrible when it comes to this kind of stuff. I'm sorry that kids are going to be exposed to any of it. And I'm afraid that I'll be shunned for lack of loyalty to the cheater. I'd skip the family reunion, but we have non-refundable arrangements for flight and hotel.

If the cheater is showing up to his family reunion sans his own wife and kids then you have two choices: 1) You snub the hell out of him and make your contempt known or 2) you thank your lucky stars that his problem's are not your own, you talk about happy stuff and forget about his drama.

Personally, I would go for the second option.