EVER ok to side with the cheater if they are family?

[Anonymous]

LOL you people. I'm glad my family doesn't bring up or gossip about private things. We smile and pretend everything's perfect.

Even my in-laws, who are mostly crazy and lead soap opera lives, leave it to their private gossip sessions to pronounce judgment, and at family events they all put on a polite face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sick of cheaters. Sick of them!

You must hate the human race. How do you think we populated the earth ?

We also used to commonly engage in cannibalism and barbarity, and on a wide scale. Some things you have to use more brain power and not do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm OP. This is good advice. Thanks and thank you for the sympathy. I agree that my family is horrible when it comes to this kind of stuff. I'm sorry that kids are going to be exposed to any of it. And I'm afraid that I'll be shunned for lack of loyalty to the cheater. I'd skip the family reunion, but we have non-refundable arrangements for flight and hotel.

You know you can still skip the reunion. The money is gone, going doesn't make it come back. It is a sunk cost. The only thing that matters is what you do going forward.

Will you enjoy being home more, or at the family reunion? Focus on what will make you happy, not the wasted money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You be polite. You weren't cheated on by this person. Are you going to have to make a personal declaration or something? How would your opinion even come up? Don't engage in a conversation about this.

Other family members are looking for every reason under the sun why the innocent party sucked and deserved to be cheated on. Every reasons is real, but wasn't a cause for opposition before. Relatives keep looking for me to chime in. It's all to make the cheater feel better. Because I'm not trashing the innocent party, I'm being asked if took their side. I actually got off FB for a week to avoid this pressure.

Don't participate in the badmouthing.

Change the subject whenever it comes up.

Go freshen your drink, powder your nose etc.

Your family sounds awful. You have my condolences.

Good advice.

I'm OP. This is good advice. Thanks and thank you for the sympathy. I agree that my family is horrible when it comes to this kind of stuff. I'm sorry that kids are going to be exposed to any of it. And I'm afraid that I'll be shunned for lack of loyalty to the cheater. I'd skip the family reunion, but we have non-refundable arrangements for flight and hotel.

Why would you care if you were shunned by horrible people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So sick of cheaters. Sick of them!

You must hate the human race. How do you think we populated the earth ?

said the serial cheater...STFU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I really appreciate what you're saying. My STBX is flying home for his sister's very casual wedding reception. I think everyone is going to act like me and my two (under 5) kids don't exist, and pretend he didnt have an affair and walk out on us. I was so wonderful to this family. It makes me sick.

Something similar happened in my family. My brother had a long affair, walked out on his family, immediately moved in with the mistress, etc etc. My mother didn't just take my brother side, but actively badmouthed his ex his everyone and anyone. Some very ugly stuff. Here's the part that might make you feel better:

My brother, because he's a crappy person, is now barely speaking to our parents. Because she's a MUCH better person than I am, his ex accepted my mother's apology and has worked hard to ensure her girls have a relationship with their grandparents. In fact, they're all down at the beach right now having a fabulous fun time. it took a while for this healing to occur, but it did. I never thought I would see the day when my mother admitted she was wrong and that her son was imperfect. But it did and the relationship between my mom and her former DIL is stronger than ever.

I hope that can happen to you one day. Meanwhile, vent away here and know that people may not want to see or acknowledge the truth at first, but it almost always comes to light. (FTR, my bother, the cheating POS, is persona non grata to me and our other sibling)