How to de-frump

[Anonymous]

I understand having difficulty finding time to color often enough--I have the same problem--but Nice and Easy root touch up is fantastic and takes just 15 mins. I do it every two weeks now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand having difficulty finding time to color often enough--I have the same problem--but Nice and Easy root touch up is fantastic and takes just 15 mins. I do it every two weeks now.

Yep, this. I looked so much worse when I used to get my hair professionally colored because I didn't have the time to go often enough. Now I color at home every 4 weeks and yes, the week after I color, it doesn't look as great as the salon would. But I don't have the 7 weeks of roots that I used to have. And I'm saving a bundle.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for coloring at home, which I swore I'd never do, but it is a time saver as I can be on the computer at my bathroom vanity while the color takes. Before making the switch it was incredibly difficult to find such a huge block of time. Plus as I got more confident with the process I started playing around more with the color. And then there's the savings too. I'll never go back to the salon for color.

[Anonymous]

I get my roots done at night every 3-4 weeks in a salon- but to save time, I don't have them dry or style after, and I only get it cut every three or four months. I can be in and out of the salon in 1.25 hours at most. I don't get a discount or anything- but Saves 45 min of styling when I'm just going home to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One more thing paint your finger nails once a week!

Ew.

[Anonymous]

Mommy makeover

[Anonymous]

You have to make the time. Get a babysitter. Plan ahead.

The women I know who complain about not being able to take care of themselves post kids also didn't take care of their kids prekids. Sure you may have less time but if your appearance is important to you you'll make the effort post kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am frumpy. I'm almost 40, a mom of 2 young kids (baby and toddler), and I have become unfashionable and frumpy because I don't have extra time to spend on my appearance/maintenance/shopping. I've also aged a lot since 35 and have lost my looks.

My weight is not the issue--I'm still the same size I was in college (size 6). However, the issues are:

1. My hair--I'm 30% gray, brunette, and if I don't color every 5 weeks my roots are hideous. I don't have time to go every 5 weeks, I usually go once every 4 months, so I always have roots. It's 3 hours in the salon for cut and color so I don't have a lot of time for this and I never color at home.
2. My hairstyle--I can't find a hairstyle that looks good. My hair always looks awful. It's fine, naturally wavy and frizzy, and does not hold a style well. In the summer it's a frizzy mess. I don't have time to style so I let it air dry and it curls in an unflattering way.
3. My clothes aren't that stylish because I don't have a lot of time to shop. I have a few okay items.
4. I have an ugly face. I have a large, unflattering nose, very pale skin, strong features, and I just look harsh in general (the graying hair doesn't help).
5. Makeup--generally I don't bother because I don't have time. I look much better with blush and lipstick though.

I feel down about my appearance and frumpiness and I see so many moms who look so put together and stylish and I have no idea where they get the time for this.

Any suggestions about how to de-frump and look cute and stylish again?

1. & 2. Hair: Make an appointment for a cut, color and keratin treatment. In four weeks when the gray grows out, use a root touch-up kit. Four weeks later, use it again. Then, make your salon cut/color appointment. This way you're only going in every three months. The keratin treatment will help the frizz. Ask your stylist to help you find a good wash & wear style if you won't make time to style it in the morning.
3. Go to Nordstrom and use their personal shopping service to help you pick out some contemporary, stylish items that you'll wear frequently--a great pair of jeans, some interesting topics, some easy dresses, comfortable but not frumpy shoes (no Danskos!!).
4. & 5. Pale skin and strong features do not equal ugly! Go to a makeup counter or Sephora and ask for an easy five-minute look. Powder foundation/BB cream, mascara, blush, tinted lip balm. Buy the products and then USE THEM. Do you not have the time, or are you not willing to make the time?
Bonus: Set aside 15 minutes each weekend for some maintenance grooming. Pluck eyebrows, trim/file nails, coat of clear polish if you feel like it, whitestrips on your teeth.

Honestly, if you want to make a change, you have to make the time for it. You keep saying "I don't have time; I don't know how other moms do it!" but the difference is that the other moms are making the time. Can you wake up 10 minutes earlier each morning to put a little more effort into your appearance?

[Anonymous]

Damn, y'all are harsh. I'm kind of in OP's situation and I not only do not have time to spend 3 hours at the salon every 8 weeks, but I also simply do not have the money to hire a babysitter to do that. I do makeup every day and it is HARD to make sure I do. I kind of have to because I hate my skin, but it makes our mornings very difficult for me to carve out 10 minutes for myself like that while DH is getting breakfast ready, putting away dishes, keeping baby safe, etc. As a result, I am always 10 minutes late to work and I haven't styled my hair in a year. It's also hard to motivate yourself to spend an entire weekend shopping to get some nice clothes when that will place a crazy burden on your spouse in terms of childcare, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc. I try to shop online but end up returning 90% of things because I need to try them on and see them in person.

That said, OP, I do think if you can spend 3 minutes putting on blush and mascara that makes a big difference if you already have decent skin. Maybe find a way to do a "fancier" ponytail or something so you can style your hair in two minutes. I tried Stitch Fix and didn't really like it, but maybe it would work for you?

[Anonymous]

If cost is not a big concern, I have heard good things about Trunk Club (owned by Nordstrom) as a better alternative to Stitch Fix. That might help you shop for clothes without taking a lot of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn, y'all are harsh. I'm kind of in OP's situation and I not only do not have time to spend 3 hours at the salon every 8 weeks, but I also simply do not have the money to hire a babysitter to do that. I do makeup every day and it is HARD to make sure I do. I kind of have to because I hate my skin, but it makes our mornings very difficult for me to carve out 10 minutes for myself like that while DH is getting breakfast ready, putting away dishes, keeping baby safe, etc. As a result, I am always 10 minutes late to work and I haven't styled my hair in a year. It's also hard to motivate yourself to spend an entire weekend shopping to get some nice clothes when that will place a crazy burden on your spouse in terms of childcare, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc. I try to shop online but end up returning 90% of things because I need to try them on and see them in person.

That said, OP, I do think if you can spend 3 minutes putting on blush and mascara that makes a big difference if you already have decent skin. Maybe find a way to do a "fancier" ponytail or something so you can style your hair in two minutes. I tried Stitch Fix and didn't really like it, but maybe it would work for you?

Excuses excuses. Can't you put your kid in a stroller and go shopping?

Wake up 30 minutes earlier and do your hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For hair this is what I would recommend.

1) If you have shorter hair, let it grow until at least shoulder length if not a bit longer. The reason for this is because you really need to style short hair in a certain way where longer hair can actually be lower maintenance (apart from your coloring issues).
2) wash your hair at night. You'll have a bit more time than in the morning.
3) after washing, use Its a 10, it's a leave in conditioner/treatment product that is also a heat protectant. You can let your hair air dry a bit but you want to mostly blow dry it.
4) Also use spray in mousse like the one from Big Sexy Hair. Spray it at your roots. Then blow dry.
5) try to train your hair so you're washing it less often. Use dry shampoo in between washings if needed. I have thick wavy hair and I wash my hair every 3 to 4 days now. It saves so much time. Plus I can also buy more expensive shampoo/conditioner that makes my hair look a lot nicer because I use a lot less.

For clothes you're a size 6 so no worries about stuff not fitting and few worries about stuff not being flattering so that's great. Do you work or stay at home? What's your work dress code if you do work? That will influence where I would tell you to look for clothes.

For makeup, a few suggestions: if you're real low on time go with a powder foundation like Bare Minerals or the chocolate foundation from I think Too Faced. You can get these at Ulta or Sephora and they'll help you find your shade if you aren't sure. Then also do mascara and blush. Just those three products will help A TON and they do not take long to do, seriously. 5 minutes tops.

I have your same hair OP and am also trying to defrump. The hair is the hardest part, but most of this poster's advice is spot on--except the time between washings. For us frizzy fine hair people, it gets greasy quickly and needs to be washed more often. Mousse (of any type) works better than all the other styling products for me too. And, I am in the process of finding a hair stylist. I have to go through at least 4-5 people when I am looking for a new person before I can find one to cut my hair right. Longer is better than shorter as I can pull it back, and sometimes the frizz will be weighed down and be more curly.

I would limit makeup to some BB cream or light foundation/tinted moisturizer, mascara and/or blush, and tinted lip balm. I like Everyday Minerals foundation, as they have shades that are light enough for my skin. The tinted moisterizer is too dark for me--it's sold at Whole Foods and other places. Love the Burts Bees tinted lip balm because it goes on like, well, lip balm but does give some color. I like Bare Minerals, but it is too drying for my skin now that I am older, except in the most humid summer months.

My clothes are super frumpy and I'm plus size, so can't help you there.

I keep my fingernails short and unpolished but give myself a pedicure at home to make myself feel better.

Agree w/ the hair and makeup tips.

I too have curly/wavy fine hair. Mousse is lighter than most creams and tends to work well to hold the curl. If it dries crunchy initially, then soften it by running your fingers through. I also sometimes use this. http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productId=xlsImpprod4750179 It's a tad heavier than mousse. Sometimes I use both.

Also try "plopping" for drying your curls with more bounce. http://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/curl-products/to-plop-or-not-to-plop/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn, y'all are harsh. I'm kind of in OP's situation and I not only do not have time to spend 3 hours at the salon every 8 weeks, but I also simply do not have the money to hire a babysitter to do that. I do makeup every day and it is HARD to make sure I do. I kind of have to because I hate my skin, but it makes our mornings very difficult for me to carve out 10 minutes for myself like that while DH is getting breakfast ready, putting away dishes, keeping baby safe, etc. As a result, I am always 10 minutes late to work and I haven't styled my hair in a year. It's also hard to motivate yourself to spend an entire weekend shopping to get some nice clothes when that will place a crazy burden on your spouse in terms of childcare, cleaning, food prep, shopping, etc. I try to shop online but end up returning 90% of things because I need to try them on and see them in person.

That said, OP, I do think if you can spend 3 minutes putting on blush and mascara that makes a big difference if you already have decent skin. Maybe find a way to do a "fancier" ponytail or something so you can style your hair in two minutes. I tried Stitch Fix and didn't really like it, but maybe it would work for you?

I don't understand these kinds of posts AT ALL (unless you're a single mom with kids so young that you literally can't leave them on their own for 10 minutes). I have two kids in elementary school and I work full time and I just would not ever leave the house without makeup on and my hair fixed. It's built into my routine in the mornings. Yes, I probably spend more time getting ready than some but I know how much time it takes and I build that in. I have definitely streamlined now that I have kids but makeup and fixing my hair are simply not negotiable.

OP, agree with all the advice about hair. I don't think anyone on earth would have decent hair if they let it air dry without any products. If blow drying is too much, find a product that can help your hair look less frizzy when you air dry and get a decent cut. As for makeup, try BB cream and blush and mascara. I love L'oreal BB cream from the drugstore and it costs about $11.

[Anonymous]

Stop for a second, and re-read what you wrote about yourself. You are far, far too hard on yourself. I'm sure you're lovelier than you think you are.

For your sake, and your children's, be kinder to yourself. I'm sure they think you are beautiful. Would you want to hear them talk about themselves this way? Would you ever want your children to hear you talk this way about yourself, their beautiful, beloved mother?

Yes, sure, get some help with clothes and all that, but remember you have a baby and a toddler, and it will be easier to deal with all that in a couple more years. Meanwhile, find ways to be nice and kind to yourself.

You are fine just the way you are.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry you are feeling frumpy - I get it and decided to tackle my frumpiness! I also went to the doctors and got on antidepressants (which helped me quite a bit).
1)I color my hair at home - I am not all-over grey so I use a semi-permanent hair color. I takes 30 minutes, and I do it every 3 months. It is much cheaper and you can hang out with your kids while it is processing.
2) Started wearing a bit of make-up. Blush, lipstick, and curling lashes. (Get a good eyelash curler from CVS). You can put this stuff on as you walk around the house or are waiting for your oldest to buckle in the car seat. Put some in your purse, some in your powder room, some in your master bathroom, and some at your office, if you work. (no searching). I like NYX makeup from CVS.
3) I took some time to go to Ross and cull through the racks and found several outfits and coats/jackets. I also ordered shorts on line.
4) Next step it to go to Nordstrom's for a personal shopper after I lose a bit of weight.
5) I have a little Rosacea and not beautiful skin. I am going to a dermatologist to get it checked out and get my skin as pretty as it can be.