How to de-frump

[Anonymous]

I am frumpy. I'm almost 40, a mom of 2 young kids (baby and toddler), and I have become unfashionable and frumpy because I don't have extra time to spend on my appearance/maintenance/shopping. I've also aged a lot since 35 and have lost my looks.

My weight is not the issue--I'm still the same size I was in college (size 6). However, the issues are:

1. My hair--I'm 30% gray, brunette, and if I don't color every 5 weeks my roots are hideous. I don't have time to go every 5 weeks, I usually go once every 4 months, so I always have roots. It's 3 hours in the salon for cut and color so I don't have a lot of time for this and I never color at home.
2. My hairstyle--I can't find a hairstyle that looks good. My hair always looks awful. It's fine, naturally wavy and frizzy, and does not hold a style well. In the summer it's a frizzy mess. I don't have time to style so I let it air dry and it curls in an unflattering way.
3. My clothes aren't that stylish because I don't have a lot of time to shop. I have a few okay items.
4. I have an ugly face. I have a large, unflattering nose, very pale skin, strong features, and I just look harsh in general (the graying hair doesn't help).
5. Makeup--generally I don't bother because I don't have time. I look much better with blush and lipstick though.

I feel down about my appearance and frumpiness and I see so many moms who look so put together and stylish and I have no idea where they get the time for this.

Any suggestions about how to de-frump and look cute and stylish again?

[Anonymous]

You need to color your hair. At home or at the salon. Get a wardrobe stylist at Nordstrom. Then make an appointment at Bobbi Brown for makeup.

In order to de-frump, you must stop making excuses about time. Be like Nike. Just do it.

[Anonymous]

Makeup takes like five minutes. How do you not have time for that?

[Anonymous]

I was in a frump stage and somehow one good haircut got me out of it. I just realized how much better I felt. It felt like my old self. After that haircut I started eating better (my weight is a problem), putting on a bit more make up, making an effort to do my hair - basically putting in the time. I can't tell you how much it is worth it. I have a baby and toddler too. But spending an extra 15 minutes putting on make up and styling my hair has made me feel so good.

I hate shopping but I started shopping online and found some more flattering things. That was a huge help too. You could also go to Sephora for make up advice. Maybe find a stylist who can teach you how to style your hair. I went on curly girl forums and found people who have hair like mine (thick and wavy), read what products they used and just copied. I just started getting gray and am planning on trying coloring at home. Good luck OP

[Anonymous]

Your hair is the easiest thing on this list to fix because you can hire someone else to do it for you. Make a commitment to going every 3-4 weeks to get your roots touched up. Ask your stylist for a style that is easy to maintain yet still flattering to your face.

[Anonymous]

Hair: You'll need to figure out what you can commit to, color-wise. But for the style and products, go here:
http://www.naturallycurly.com/

Make time to explore this site. Find a stylist who is trained in curly hair, preferably someone who cuts it when it's dry.

Makeup- blush and lipstick take two minutes, max. Do it.

Clothes - do you work? SAH? Tips will depend on what you're wearing those clothes for.

[Anonymous]

Not cheap, but:

- Color your hair. It's taking a long time because you are waiting too long.
- Keratin treatment will help with the frizz. I can let mine air dry after a keratin treatment, and it looks decent.
- Purge your closet with a very honest friend. Keep only what is flattering and then make a list of what else is needed. It's ok (and actually easier) to have a small wardrobe. If your black pencil skirt makes you look like a million bucks, wear it often. Find your own style and do it well.
- Quality, well-thought out accessories. Again, you don't need a billion of them.
- Ditch the clogs. I know DCUM loves Dansko, but they are frump city. You don't need four inch stilettos, but there are less frumpy, still comfortable brands.
- Tasteful makeup.

[Anonymous]

Hair...as others suggest get a good haircut. Then get a suggestion from your stylist on a tool. Left to its devices my hair is frizzy, but I have a $200 skinny iron that works like magic. Then don't wash it everyday.

Makeup...get a tinted moisturizer, a neutral MAC paint pot, mascara and lip gloss for everyday.

Clothes...capsule wardrobe. Throw out everything you don't love, doesn't fit, you don't wear. Then replace only what you need with higher quality better fitting items. Think quality over quantity going forward. Focus on classics...good fitting pair of jeans, white linen top, black sweater. Check out Everlane. If you need color, buy a bright bag.

Keep your sunglasses on trend. Nordstrom Rack has a good selection.

The key is to pair down to the basics and commit to making the best of those.

[Anonymous]

Make the time to take care of yourself. Stop being a mommy martyr. Hire a sitter for one day every five weeks to go have have a night where you get your hair done, maybe a manicure or some shopping. You need to invest in yourself. If you notice how frumpy you've become, don't you think your husband or partner has? You owe it not only to yourself, but to them. And yes, makeup literally takes five minutes. FIVE MINUTES. I don't care if you have ten kids, you can find five minutes to freshen yourself up.

[Anonymous]

For hair this is what I would recommend.

1) If you have shorter hair, let it grow until at least shoulder length if not a bit longer. The reason for this is because you really need to style short hair in a certain way where longer hair can actually be lower maintenance (apart from your coloring issues).
2) wash your hair at night. You'll have a bit more time than in the morning.
3) after washing, use Its a 10, it's a leave in conditioner/treatment product that is also a heat protectant. You can let your hair air dry a bit but you want to mostly blow dry it.
4) Also use spray in mousse like the one from Big Sexy Hair. Spray it at your roots. Then blow dry.
5) try to train your hair so you're washing it less often. Use dry shampoo in between washings if needed. I have thick wavy hair and I wash my hair every 3 to 4 days now. It saves so much time. Plus I can also buy more expensive shampoo/conditioner that makes my hair look a lot nicer because I use a lot less.

For clothes you're a size 6 so no worries about stuff not fitting and few worries about stuff not being flattering so that's great. Do you work or stay at home? What's your work dress code if you do work? That will influence where I would tell you to look for clothes.

For makeup, a few suggestions: if you're real low on time go with a powder foundation like Bare Minerals or the chocolate foundation from I think Too Faced. You can get these at Ulta or Sephora and they'll help you find your shade if you aren't sure. Then also do mascara and blush. Just those three products will help A TON and they do not take long to do, seriously. 5 minutes tops.

[Anonymous]

How old is the baby? Because you sound a little depressed. All this "I'm ugly" language. You aren't that unattractive if you managed to get married! (1950's comment, but hey there's some truth in it. I doubt your DH thinks you're ugly). So I'm kind of wondering if there's a little PPD going on.

[Anonymous]

I totally get I have a baby and a toddler too. A few things that I do that greatly improve my appearance and mood.

Use jergens self tanner everywhere after showering at night every other night. You will look way better I'm pale too.
Go blonde so much easier to hide gray. Mines long I let it air dry and then do a messy beachy wavy frizzy look. With the tan it totally works.
Leave your mascara, blush and lip gloss in the car. We drive almost everywhere and I do makeup at red lights.
Then follow others people's advise on wardrobe. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

One more thing paint your finger nails once a week!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally get I have a baby and a toddler too. A few things that I do that greatly improve my appearance and mood.

Use jergens self tanner everywhere after showering at night every other night. You will look way better I'm pale too.
Go blonde so much easier to hide gray. Mines long I let it air dry and then do a messy beachy wavy frizzy look. With the tan it totally works.
Leave your mascara, blush and lip gloss in the car. We drive almost everywhere and I do makeup at red lights.
Then follow others people's advise on wardrobe. Good luck!

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For hair this is what I would recommend.

1) If you have shorter hair, let it grow until at least shoulder length if not a bit longer. The reason for this is because you really need to style short hair in a certain way where longer hair can actually be lower maintenance (apart from your coloring issues).
2) wash your hair at night. You'll have a bit more time than in the morning.
3) after washing, use Its a 10, it's a leave in conditioner/treatment product that is also a heat protectant. You can let your hair air dry a bit but you want to mostly blow dry it.
4) Also use spray in mousse like the one from Big Sexy Hair. Spray it at your roots. Then blow dry.
5) try to train your hair so you're washing it less often. Use dry shampoo in between washings if needed. I have thick wavy hair and I wash my hair every 3 to 4 days now. It saves so much time. Plus I can also buy more expensive shampoo/conditioner that makes my hair look a lot nicer because I use a lot less.

For clothes you're a size 6 so no worries about stuff not fitting and few worries about stuff not being flattering so that's great. Do you work or stay at home? What's your work dress code if you do work? That will influence where I would tell you to look for clothes.

For makeup, a few suggestions: if you're real low on time go with a powder foundation like Bare Minerals or the chocolate foundation from I think Too Faced. You can get these at Ulta or Sephora and they'll help you find your shade if you aren't sure. Then also do mascara and blush. Just those three products will help A TON and they do not take long to do, seriously. 5 minutes tops.

I have your same hair OP and am also trying to defrump. The hair is the hardest part, but most of this poster's advice is spot on--except the time between washings. For us frizzy fine hair people, it gets greasy quickly and needs to be washed more often. Mousse (of any type) works better than all the other styling products for me too. And, I am in the process of finding a hair stylist. I have to go through at least 4-5 people when I am looking for a new person before I can find one to cut my hair right. Longer is better than shorter as I can pull it back, and sometimes the frizz will be weighed down and be more curly.

I would limit makeup to some BB cream or light foundation/tinted moisturizer, mascara and/or blush, and tinted lip balm. I like Everyday Minerals foundation, as they have shades that are light enough for my skin. The tinted moisterizer is too dark for me--it's sold at Whole Foods and other places. Love the Burts Bees tinted lip balm because it goes on like, well, lip balm but does give some color. I like Bare Minerals, but it is too drying for my skin now that I am older, except in the most humid summer months.

My clothes are super frumpy and I'm plus size, so can't help you there.

I keep my fingernails short and unpolished but give myself a pedicure at home to make myself feel better.