How to de-frump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being stylish and well groomed takes a lot of time, effort, and usually money. It doesn’t just happen. If you want to be less frumpy, then you need to approach personal maintenance as a hobby.

Your hair color is probably too dark. Go to a well-reviewed salon for a consult and say you want a color that will blend your grays, grow out nicely, and won’t require you to come in more than every 6-8 weeks for a touch up. Discuss options for a flattering cut, watch closely and ask questions as they style it, buy the products suggested, then schedule a series of appointments to have your stylist help you practice styling your hair. It’s a fast process once you know what you’re doing. I love and recommend Ferro Salon.

Visit a cosmetic dermatologist to discuss skincare treatments like Botox, PDL, and Fraxel. Do NOT go to an med spa. I see Dr. Adrian at the Center for Laser Surgery.

Invest in medical-grade skincare products if you don’t already use them. Follow your skincare routine religiously. If your skin is glowing, you really don’t need more than maybe a brow pencil or gel, some smudge-free liner tightlined under your top eyelashes, a swipe of mascara, a skin tint or tinted moisturizer, and maybe some concealer under your eyes. I keep Dior Lip Glow in my bag and apply throughout the day.

Use cuticle oil and cream religiously - at least 2-3 times per day. I use Dior for both. Keep your nails trimmed, filed and buffed and push your cuticles back. I like the glass nail care kit from Tweezerman. Slather Kerasal on your feet before bed and pull on some cotton socks to take care of any dead, dry skin.

Go through your wardrobe and get rid of everything you haven’t worn in a year. Stay away from prints and stick to solids in colors that are flattering to you. Invite a brutally honest friend over, try on everything in your closet, and ask for their feedback. Focus on buying fewer, better things. Tuck in your shirts and wear a belt to show off your waist. Keep proportions in mind when dressing - pair a tighter top with looser bottoms and vice versa.

Update the silhouette of your jeans and pick up some new sunglasses.

Find a good tailor to ensure your clothing fits perfectly. I go to and love Cheryl Lofton Tailoring.

Whiten your teeth! Makes an amazing difference.

this is a super helpful and kind post. thank you from a new poster.

Except it completely missed that OP did not want to spend this much time.

Read the first paragraph. If OP wants to look better, then she’ll need to invest time and energy in it. Everyone would always look incredible if it was quick and easy.

I read all the pages, including the first paragraph. Pointless to advice someone to invest in high time/money routine when she says she doesn’t have the 60 seconds it takes to put on blush. But I’m sure it’s helpful to someone else, just not the OP.

I would love to hear some de-frumping tips that require no time investment whatsoever.

De-frumping tips that take no time whatsoever-

1. Eat fewer calories. Lose weight. This could even save you time if you are spending time snacking. This can be easier if you have the money or insurance coverage for a GLP-1 prescription. (Not relevant to OP since she's slim and pleased with her weight.)

2. Drink enough water and quit drinking alcohol. I am amazed at how much a lot of middle aged women drink and it really shows up in their skin, weight, and general appearance. Again, if you are drinking booze as an activity this could save you time. If it's how you socialize you can go for walks with friends instead thereby adding in exercise.

3. Stop biting your nails if you do so. Ditto for any other body focused repetitive behaviors like feet picking or hair plucking.

4. Wear colors that suit you.

Your defrumping tips, while useful to some people, will not be useful to the op who described her main issues as hair (color and style) and clothes, not her weight or bloat.

Learn the art of a sleek ponytail and quick updo.

This! Have a super low maintenance look for when you cant do you hair. Wear a baseball hat and sparkly earrings in between when your roots are done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just do your hair at night. Yes, it gets a little flat laying on it overnight, but it still looks 10x better than letting your hair air-dry and turning into a frizzy mess, I promise. Then take 5-10 minutes in the morning to wash your face, moisturize, powder foundation and a touch of concealer under your eyes if you need it, blush, mascara. And if you work keep lipstick in your purse and put it on at your desk.

NP. I agree with doing hair at night. For me, it looks better after I’ve blown it out and slept on it - less frizzy and poofy. I also only wash it every 3-4 days as it’s dry and frizzy/curly.

With showering done at night, I not only sleep better, but there’s more time in the morning to put on some makeup.

[Anonymous]

Motherhood is terrible. Ruins so many great lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another vote for coloring at home, which I swore I'd never do, but it is a time saver as I can be on the computer at my bathroom vanity while the color takes. Before making the switch it was incredibly difficult to find such a huge block of time. Plus as I got more confident with the process I started playing around more with the color. And then there's the savings too. I'll never go back to the salon for color.

+1 it is really time consuming at the salon even though it's a much nicer experience. I've gotten into a good routine where I can do it on a WFH day that's not too busy or after kids go to bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just do your hair at night. Yes, it gets a little flat laying on it overnight, but it still looks 10x better than letting your hair air-dry and turning into a frizzy mess, I promise. Then take 5-10 minutes in the morning to wash your face, moisturize, powder foundation and a touch of concealer under your eyes if you need it, blush, mascara. And if you work keep lipstick in your purse and put it on at your desk.

NP. I agree with doing hair at night. For me, it looks better after I’ve blown it out and slept on it - less frizzy and poofy. I also only wash it every 3-4 days as it’s dry and frizzy/curly.

With showering done at night, I not only sleep better, but there’s more time in the morning to put on some makeup.

OP can also try applying mousse or antifrizz cream after rinsing out conditioner at night and either braiding it and 4-8 large braids or twirling it into 3-8 mini buns and letting it dry overnight. Tie it up with a satin/silk scarf or get one of those sleep bonnets.

When she takes it out in the morning, defined waves/curls that can be separated quickly with fingers as desired, or a cute wavy/curly pony tail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Motherhood is terrible. Ruins so many great lives.

You're not wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP's oldest is in 5th grade now. I wonder if she's figured out how to carve out some time to put on mascara yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being stylish and well groomed takes a lot of time, effort, and usually money. It doesn’t just happen. If you want to be less frumpy, then you need to approach personal maintenance as a hobby.

Your hair color is probably too dark. Go to a well-reviewed salon for a consult and say you want a color that will blend your grays, grow out nicely, and won’t require you to come in more than every 6-8 weeks for a touch up. Discuss options for a flattering cut, watch closely and ask questions as they style it, buy the products suggested, then schedule a series of appointments to have your stylist help you practice styling your hair. It’s a fast process once you know what you’re doing. I love and recommend Ferro Salon.

Visit a cosmetic dermatologist to discuss skincare treatments like Botox, PDL, and Fraxel. Do NOT go to an med spa. I see Dr. Adrian at the Center for Laser Surgery.

Invest in medical-grade skincare products if you don’t already use them. Follow your skincare routine religiously. If your skin is glowing, you really don’t need more than maybe a brow pencil or gel, some smudge-free liner tightlined under your top eyelashes, a swipe of mascara, a skin tint or tinted moisturizer, and maybe some concealer under your eyes. I keep Dior Lip Glow in my bag and apply throughout the day.

Use cuticle oil and cream religiously - at least 2-3 times per day. I use Dior for both. Keep your nails trimmed, filed and buffed and push your cuticles back. I like the glass nail care kit from Tweezerman. Slather Kerasal on your feet before bed and pull on some cotton socks to take care of any dead, dry skin.

Go through your wardrobe and get rid of everything you haven’t worn in a year. Stay away from prints and stick to solids in colors that are flattering to you. Invite a brutally honest friend over, try on everything in your closet, and ask for their feedback. Focus on buying fewer, better things. Tuck in your shirts and wear a belt to show off your waist. Keep proportions in mind when dressing - pair a tighter top with looser bottoms and vice versa.

Update the silhouette of your jeans and pick up some new sunglasses.

Find a good tailor to ensure your clothing fits perfectly. I go to and love Cheryl Lofton Tailoring.

Whiten your teeth! Makes an amazing difference.

this is a super helpful and kind post. thank you from a new poster.

Except it completely missed that OP did not want to spend this much time.

Read the first paragraph. If OP wants to look better, then she’ll need to invest time and energy in it. Everyone would always look incredible if it was quick and easy.

I read all the pages, including the first paragraph. Pointless to advice someone to invest in high time/money routine when she says she doesn’t have the 60 seconds it takes to put on blush. But I’m sure it’s helpful to someone else, just not the OP.

I would love to hear some de-frumping tips that require no time investment whatsoever.

De-frumping tips that take no time whatsoever-

1. Eat fewer calories. Lose weight. This could even save you time if you are spending time snacking. This can be easier if you have the money or insurance coverage for a GLP-1 prescription. (Not relevant to OP since she's slim and pleased with her weight.)

2. Drink enough water and quit drinking alcohol. I am amazed at how much a lot of middle aged women drink and it really shows up in their skin, weight, and general appearance. Again, if you are drinking booze as an activity this could save you time. If it's how you socialize you can go for walks with friends instead thereby adding in exercise.

3. Stop biting your nails if you do so. Ditto for any other body focused repetitive behaviors like feet picking or hair plucking.

4. Wear colors that suit you.

Your defrumping tips, while useful to some people, will not be useful to the op who described her main issues as hair (color and style) and clothes, not her weight or bloat.

Yeah well OP posted 9 years ago! lol, she may well have a weight problem by now. Or not!

I was responding to the PP who wanted zero time defrumping tips.

[Anonymous]

Get a sheer red lippy.
Play w eyeliner or a hint of glitter shadow
This comes from an older Japanese lady I know
She always has the best earriings.

Get basics that fit
Jeans & T

Suerte

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Motherhood is terrible. Ruins so many great lives.

You're a loser.
Ever heard of birth control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's oldest is in 5th grade now. I wonder if she's figured out how to carve out some time to put on mascara yet.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Motherhood is terrible. Ruins so many great lives.

I remember my sister blaming pregnancy for her gum disease. She actually told me that pregancy and childbirth cause gum disease.

So when I got pregnant, I asked my dentist if it's true.

He said truth is women tend to neglect a lot of self care when the have children, especially flossing.

[Anonymous]

Start with hair. Get balayage highlights a few times a year. You need to break up your color so the gray doesn’t show so much.
Learn to use the right product and set waves properly. You can still air dry. Try Oribe Matte Waves or a little argan oil on combed out damp hair and then twist or braid it while it dries. I twist sections into a bun and put a big clip or scrunchie on it. At night I usually braid it. When I take it out I have nice waves with very little effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a sheer red lippy.
Play w eyeliner or a hint of glitter shadow
This comes from an older Japanese lady I know
She always has the best earriings.

Get basics that fit
Jeans & T

Suerte

Yes but as we all KNOW, Japanese (and all other Asians in general!) just do. not. age.

And if they do, it is on an entirely different timeline than their white peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a sheer red lippy.
Play w eyeliner or a hint of glitter shadow
This comes from an older Japanese lady I know
She always has the best earriings.

Get basics that fit
Jeans & T

Suerte

Yes but as we all KNOW, Japanese (and all other Asians in general!) just do. not. age.

And if they do, it is on an entirely different timeline than their white peers.

I’m Asian, 45, and I am aging. I saw a picture of myself today

My Asian peers are all aging too.