Please give me advice - even if that means you tell me I am wrong

[Anonymous]

Earbuds and closed eyes in the car. Use it as a relaxation period.

[Anonymous]

+1

[Anonymous]

I would hate commuting with a spouse. It's "me time" and I really like to be alone. I hate it when I see someone I know on my commute and I'm forced to make small talk.

Blech.

[Anonymous]

Do any of you women think it's difficult to be with a conservative husband since so many of their issues align against women's rights? How can you respect a man who thinks Trump should be president when he so clearly hates women? How is that okay in your husband's eyes?

[Anonymous]

The serenity prayer might be helpful: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Work on sitting with your anxiety about his anger while your husband is driving and work on accepting that he is not going to change and you cannot make him change.

I don't blame you for being upset about the driving and about the politics but I can hear you wanting desperately to change him and that's a dead end. Give up.

FWIW my husband's insecurities cause him to do annoying stuff, too, but I try to bracket that and keep it separate from me in my mind (does that make sense?). I also make sure I set some boundaries and keep some space for myself. But accepting that he wasn't going to change has helped a lot. We have quite an affectionate relationship most days - but it requires me letting go of some things.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Don't talk politics. DH and I have pretty similar political views, but the rest of my family has views that are diametrically opposed to mine. We solve the possible conflict by discussing anything but politics. Has worked for 20+ years.

[Anonymous]

Commuting together is the worst. Terrible on a marriage. I would find a different way to get to work or you have to learn to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you try doing something together in the car that is positive. You could listen to a good podcast or radio show (like This American Life). You could make a music mix that brings you back to your college days (or whatever it is). You could do a crossword puzzle together. Anything really but talking politics and focusing on how much the DC traffic sucks. Both traffic and politics brings out the worst in anybody.

Somehow, I don't think This American Life would be up OP's husband's alley ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am at my wit’s end with my husband of almost 10 years. I honestly don’t know what I can say or do but we have to make a change.

The last few weeks have been especially challenging. We just got into a major fight on the way to work. I started a new position last month and we are now driving into the city together. I cannot stand the way he acts sometimes – just nasty comments about people who cross the intersection late, cars that don’t pull far enough up, he is just generally an angry driver. It puts me on edge and I react badly.

It’s not just in the car that we fight – he is just SO negative. We have always been sarcastic but it seems like he is really at a whole new level. When I try to talk to him about it he deflects and accuses me of the same thing. He definitely gives off the victim, poor me, my wife is so hard on me vibe.

And don’t even get me started on the latest convo in our house – despite being a republican all my life, I think trump is batshit crazy but my husband is a supporter. We mistakenly talked about the Orlando shooting in relation to the presidential run and that tuned ugly. I truly can’t understand why he thinks semi-automatic weapons are acceptable for people to buy!!! And he attempted to agree with Trump that Obama “probably had intelligence on it but did nothing” WHAT THE F***???????????

Here is the thing though – I don’t want a divorce – he is a good man and decent father with good intentions and strong ethics – he would never cheat, steal, lie, etc. But I just cannot stand to be around him right now. Any attempt at having a conversation turns into a full on fight. I am SO sick of it.

I really need practical advice on what to do – please help me.

You're married to a gun nut, conspiracy loving , people hating , bigotry and racism apologist asshole whose demography is melting faster than Paula Deen's racist butter . The icing on the cake is you not wanting a divorce ( says a lot more about you than him ) . From the comments so far , it looks there are quite a few DCUMers married to undercover bigots themselves , so you should be ok on the commiseration side.
As far as I'm concerned , you can cry me an ocean

[Anonymous]

I agree the commuting is not good. Some people are more prone to road rage than others. Could you drive some - even if you share the car? Also, could you all listen to a podcast or book or music together? So it would still be together time but focused on something else to eliminate the road rage. This might work if you want to keep the benefit of one car commuting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do any of you women think it's difficult to be with a conservative husband since so many of their issues align against women's rights? How can you respect a man who thinks Trump should be president when he so clearly hates women? How is that okay in your husband's eyes?

Inquiring minds would like to know .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do any of you women think it's difficult to be with a conservative husband since so many of their issues align against women's rights? How can you respect a man who thinks Trump should be president when he so clearly hates women? How is that okay in your husband's eyes?

+1 Was thinking the same thing

[Anonymous]

Best option is to no longer drive together. But if that is not a realistic option, I think you need to get at why him being an angry driver is bothering you. I am not at all saying you are being unreasonable, but you should be able to easily tune him out, so the question is why you can't. Do you feel like he is mad at you when he yells at others? Do you feel like it means he is inherently an angry person? I think your best bet may be to examine why it bothers you and figure out how to address that, because there's some reason you're having a hard time just ignoring it. From his perspective, I'm sure he thinks he's just letting off steam (assuming he's not chasing down angry motorists).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do any of you women think it's difficult to be with a conservative husband since so many of their issues align against women's rights? How can you respect a man who thinks Trump should be president when he so clearly hates women? How is that okay in your husband's eyes?

+1 Was thinking the same thing

I honestly think even having to ask this is a reflection of how segregated our culture now is politically. I really, really hate Trump but it's hard to spend a meaningful amount of time with a Trump supporter without realizing that they are also human beings too with positives and negatives and not weird cartoon characters.

[Anonymous]

I had to laugh because this is completely me and my DH. We commute together every day and it.is.hell. It brings out the worst in each of us and we end up bickering all the way to work. My DH drives me absolutely crazy because he is closed minded, quick to judge and extremely conservative. Today he was tyring to convince me global warming is just an excuse for governments to take over peoples' rights and start an anti-capitalist movement. My DH also hates Hillary and loves and admires Trump for being a "real man."

I completely feel you and empathize. Today my DH was so annoyed I put on NPR that he took out his headphones and started listening to country music.

We can't even listen to the same radio station.