How do I respond to the hate

[Anonymous]

You are not in charge of him and how he feels/conducts himself. It has nothing to do with you. So you don't need to respond. And you certainly don't need to follow him on social media.

However, you ARE in charge of what you will allow to be said/what you will hear in your presence. If he speaks this way in front of you, you may leave, or you may ask him to leave your home. You are entitled to take your children with you. And DH should not prevent this; there is no excuse for allowing yourself or your children to be subject to such hateful words.

If you leave/take your kids with you often enough, he'll either change his behavior, or he'll disengage from you. His choice.

[Anonymous]

Muslim American here. I think you should ignore. Block FIL. People like this will only thrive off an argument.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it. If he says things on FB that upset you, unfollow him. If he's making you cry in person, leave. Don't just sit there. In the future, send your husband and you stay home. Look your FIL sounds like an obnoxious person but I don't get why you are just sitting there letting yourself get so upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Block him on Social media, step 1.

That's what I did to my MIL. I outright unfriended her. I didn't want to see that crap and I made that clear. She isn't as bad in person as she is on social media, not around me at least. And on the occasion that she wants to talk politics or use derogatory terms, I am kind and vocal.

[Anonymous]

Unfollow, block, whatever you need to do on FB so you don't see his posts.

For home, get your husband on board to tell his dad that politics and religion are off limits topics of conversation in your home. If his father will not stop, then you will respond to his hatred in your own home. And if he does not like it, he doesn't need to visit. His visits are welcomes me if he can keep civil . Your children should understand that they and you should not have to tolerate hatred against you in your own home. What he says, does, or believes in his own home is his business. But he's not welcome to voice such intolerance in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not in charge of him and how he feels/conducts himself. It has nothing to do with you. So you don't need to respond. And you certainly don't need to follow him on social media.

However, you ARE in charge of what you will allow to be said/what you will hear in your presence. If he speaks this way in front of you, you may leave, or you may ask him to leave your home. You are entitled to take your children with you. And DH should not prevent this; there is no excuse for allowing yourself or your children to be subject to such hateful words.

If you leave/take your kids with you often enough, he'll either change his behavior, or he'll disengage from you. His choice.

+1

And hide or block or unfollow on FB. Once you stop seeing his posts everyday you'll forget about it (the fb part). In person, you or your husband can explain to fil that you will leave or ask him to leave whenever he starts in on Muslims. Then follow through.

[Anonymous]

BE_Jack wrote:Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Ignore or block him and be glad that we live in a country where everyone is allowed to rant, regardless of their background.

And people like OP's father-in-law are like hemorrhoids, eventually everyone gets one and you have to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is very very vocal in person and on Facebook about his conservative beliefs. He is recently posting every few min something hate filled about Islam. His most recent upload stating that not just extremist but ALL Muslims are hateful and Islam will destroy the west. My husband says don't respond but I can't not say anything.

We've sat quietly as he tears down our current president, makes brass judgements regarding womens rights and abortions, is racist towards anyone who doesn't look or believe like himself, spreads fear and hate towards refugees and now Muslims.

I don't even have words for how angry I am at him and how he could think these things. I just want to yell - you make me ashamed to be a part if this family and you shouldn't even call yourself a Christan. ( he always uses that as an excuse....its the Christian beliefs)

My father's side is Muslim. My mother's Hindu. I was raised Christian. I now align myself with do good and be a good person.

Sorry of this post is all over the place. I'm just so upset. Part venting part asking for tactful responses to his hate.

OP, as usual with this kind of issue--where someone like you has a nervous breakdown because someone else that they know expresses opinions that threaten to puncture your insular thought bubble--the problem is really yourself, not him.

Your background is all over the place ideology wise so you probably really don't have strong ideological roots and haven't really formed your own independent strong world view or philosophy yet. Do unto others yeah that's a good general ethical one which I agree with, but you haven't actually thought about what it means to deal with the real world. Do unto others is a great generic philosophy UNTIL the terrorist's machine gun is pointing in your face, someone you know, or if it hits too close to home. A lot of people get radicalized conservatively because of the emotional impact of these kinds of events as in Orlando. They actually empathize with the victims in a visceral emotional way, not the abstract over educated political liberal way of "let's blame it on the gunz"!

Look at your own background--father Muslim but married a Hindu. Raised Christian (most likely as some kind of compromise by your parents.) Did you ever actually ask your father why he married outside his faith? Or your mother? Did you ever actually ask them why you were raised Christian rather than Hindu, Muslim, something else, or nothing?

Don't you have any curiosity about your own upbringing, why your parents did that?

You'll start to understand others better when you work on understanding yourself better first. That starts with actually having some curiosity about exactly why you're a Muslim-Hindu-Christian.

[Anonymous]

His most recent upload stating that not just extremist but ALL Muslims are hateful and Islam will destroy the west.

***************

That is extreme.

OP, why don't you ask your father why even though he's a Muslim, he married a Hindu woman, and raised you Christian? Ask your mom about Muslim violence against Hindus.

The problem isn't what your father in law is saying, it's that you disagree with it.

Last time I checked, Obama for his eight years of presidency has sent all kinds of military forces into the middle east and is fighting with someone. Who is Obama fighting with? Is it Hindus? Christians? Jews?

Or "none of the above."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not in charge of him and how he feels/conducts himself. It has nothing to do with you. So you don't need to respond. And you certainly don't need to follow him on social media.

However, you ARE in charge of what you will allow to be said/what you will hear in your presence. If he speaks this way in front of you, you may leave, or you may ask him to leave your home. You are entitled to take your children with you. And DH should not prevent this; there is no excuse for allowing yourself or your children to be subject to such hateful words.

If you leave/take your kids with you often enough, he'll either change his behavior, or he'll disengage from you. His choice.

Agree with this. My father was the same. Called my Arab Muslim son a towelhead. (Son was a infant at the time). I told him off (politely) and left.

Sucks, but I always knew my father was extremely insecure.

[Anonymous]

This should be a warning sign to others. When you marry someone , you're marrying into his family by proxy . Too many of you out there fail to conduct due diligence and couple of years later throw yourselves woe-is-me parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is very very vocal in person and on Facebook about his conservative beliefs. He is recently posting every few min something hate filled about Islam. His most recent upload stating that not just extremist but ALL Muslims are hateful and Islam will destroy the west. My husband says don't respond but I can't not say anything.

We've sat quietly as he tears down our current president, makes brass judgements regarding womens rights and abortions, is racist towards anyone who doesn't look or believe like himself, spreads fear and hate towards refugees and now Muslims.

I don't even have words for how angry I am at him and how he could think these things. I just want to yell - you make me ashamed to be a part if this family and you shouldn't even call yourself a Christan. ( he always uses that as an excuse....its the Christian beliefs)

My father's side is Muslim. My mother's Hindu. I was raised Christian. I now align myself with do good and be a good person.

Sorry of this post is all over the place. I'm just so upset. Part venting part asking for tactful responses to his hate.

OP, as usual with this kind of issue--where someone like you has a nervous breakdown because someone else that they know expresses opinions that threaten to puncture your insular thought bubble--the problem is really yourself, not him.

Your background is all over the place ideology wise so you probably really don't have strong ideological roots and haven't really formed your own independent strong world view or philosophy yet. Do unto others yeah that's a good general ethical one which I agree with, but you haven't actually thought about what it means to deal with the real world. Do unto others is a great generic philosophy UNTIL the terrorist's machine gun is pointing in your face, someone you know, or if it hits too close to home. A lot of people get radicalized conservatively because of the emotional impact of these kinds of events as in Orlando. They actually empathize with the victims in a visceral emotional way, not the abstract over educated political liberal way of "let's blame it on the gunz"!

Look at your own background--father Muslim but married a Hindu. Raised Christian (most likely as some kind of compromise by your parents.) Did you ever actually ask your father why he married outside his faith? Or your mother? Did you ever actually ask them why you were raised Christian rather than Hindu, Muslim, something else, or nothing?

Don't you have any curiosity about your own upbringing, why your parents did that?

You'll start to understand others better when you work on understanding yourself better first. That starts with actually having some curiosity about exactly why you're a Muslim-Hindu-Christian.

Nothing worse than someone thinking he/she is making whilst spouting garbage .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL is very very vocal in person and on Facebook about his conservative beliefs. He is recently posting every few min something hate filled about Islam. His most recent upload stating that not just extremist but ALL Muslims are hateful and Islam will destroy the west. My husband says don't respond but I can't not say anything.

We've sat quietly as he tears down our current president, makes brass judgements regarding womens rights and abortions, is racist towards anyone who doesn't look or believe like himself, spreads fear and hate towards refugees and now Muslims.

I don't even have words for how angry I am at him and how he could think these things. I just want to yell - you make me ashamed to be a part if this family and you shouldn't even call yourself a Christan. ( he always uses that as an excuse....its the Christian beliefs)

My father's side is Muslim. My mother's Hindu. I was raised Christian. I now align myself with do good and be a good person.

Sorry of this post is all over the place. I'm just so upset. Part venting part asking for tactful responses to his hate.

OP, as usual with this kind of issue--where someone like you has a nervous breakdown because someone else that they know expresses opinions that threaten to puncture your insular thought bubble--the problem is really yourself, not him.

Your background is all over the place ideology wise so you probably really don't have strong ideological roots and haven't really formed your own independent strong world view or philosophy yet. Do unto others yeah that's a good general ethical one which I agree with, but you haven't actually thought about what it means to deal with the real world. Do unto others is a great generic philosophy UNTIL the terrorist's machine gun is pointing in your face, someone you know, or if it hits too close to home. A lot of people get radicalized conservatively because of the emotional impact of these kinds of events as in Orlando. They actually empathize with the victims in a visceral emotional way, not the abstract over educated political liberal way of "let's blame it on the gunz"!

Look at your own background--father Muslim but married a Hindu. Raised Christian (most likely as some kind of compromise by your parents.) Did you ever actually ask your father why he married outside his faith? Or your mother? Did you ever actually ask them why you were raised Christian rather than Hindu, Muslim, something else, or nothing?

Don't you have any curiosity about your own upbringing, why your parents did that?

You'll start to understand others better when you work on understanding yourself better first. That starts with actually having some curiosity about exactly why you're a Muslim-Hindu-Christian.

Wow, that's some condescending bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I've never met anyone else who has one Muslim parent, one Hindu parent, and who was raised Christian.

I ignore the hate and just tell myself that some people are nuts and there is nothing I can do about it besides show them how awesome I am and how awesome my family members are. If people still spout hate despite knowing awesome people of a certain religion/race, there is nothing you will ever be able to do to change their mind.

[Anonymous]

I'm not OP, but I'm guessing she was raised Christian because she was sent to a Catholic school. Many countries around the world don't have a great public school system and if you want to give your children the best education you send them to a private Catholic school.
It has nothing to do with being confused about your roots.