I'm worried that I might not want children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you, OP?

32

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there's really any way to tell except to have them and realize that you're glad or sorry that you did or not have them and realize that you're glad or sorry you didn't.

But. It's okay to not want kids, even if it means having changed your mind about it. I personally love it but totally get that it's not for everyone. I can say though that I also find everyone else's kids irritating, but not mine. I mean sometimes she is, but it's totally different in a way that's not easy to explain. (But it was never a question for me - I always assumed I would like being a parent.)

On the other hand, my cousin is very clearly decided against having kids despite that being HUGELY disappointing to her parents (who have a lot of siblings who in turn have a LOT of grandchildren). But you know what? They are all ok and still have good relationships with each other.

This is what I struggle with!
I;m just really not sure.

Better to regret not having them then to regret that you did.

If you "changed your mind," then there was never truly a time you didn't want them. At best you were a fence sitter who eventually caved into societal pressure.

[Anonymous]

Only 32? Enjoy your life.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/10/fashion/10Studied.html

[Anonymous]

I have kids and I love my kids, but they have been enormous work since day 1, no doubt. I am worried how they will manage to live as many kids these days are lazy and entitled and that includes my own. Why have kids to make somebody else happy and yourself unhappy? All these grandparents will almost never have a nice word for the way you might raise your possible kids or for you. I mean, there might be some families that are exceptions, but by far all they do is criticize you and your kids. Live your own life the way you want to.

[Anonymous]

I'm worried too, and I already have three. Sigh!

[Shineshelly]

Hi there, I am in exactly the same boat as you! However, I have been married for about seven years and am 31 years old. Like you, I *assumed* I would have children at some point (by now), but many opportunities have come and gone (health issues etc), with the ultimate answer being 'no, for now'. I totally understand the outside pressure from family/society etc, but the fact is that some people are not meant to have children, in the same way that some are not meant for marriage. It might be helpful to really examine your motives or talk with a counselor to ensure you are making the right choice, though.

I don't know where you stand with God or religion, and if that impacts the some of the pressure you are feeling at all, but for me, the biggest struggle has been understanding if I am going against my faith in some way if I do not bring children of my own into this world. "Be fruitful and multiply," is a verse often used as a command from God to have children in the Church. However, this is by no means an instruction to individual couples, but rather, to the population as a whole, so the human species doesn't die off. I do believe children are regarded as blessings, however I have come to the conclusion that there is no command for a woman to have children from a biblical perspective. That has been a very freeing revelation to me and I wanted to pass that along to you in case you wondered the same thing.

Simply put, motherhood is a gift. Some women have it, and some do not. I believe God can always change hearts and minds, but that is His business and no one else's.

[Anonymous]

As everyone else has said: not liking other peoples kids /=/ not liking your own kids. In fact, I think you can almost say that there is no connection between the two ideas whatsoever. You may have many great reasons for not wanting kids, but I'm not sure being burnt out as a preschool teacher is one of them.

[Anonymous]

There is absolutely nothing at all wrong w/you not desiring a child. Nothing.

If you honestly have zero desire to be a mother, than that is your prerogative in life.

You sound very level-headed OP.
So many people throw caution to the wind & end up having children not knowing if they want them....or not.

Sadly many children grow up w/out the love they so deserve.

[Anonymous]

Kids suck. You'll be happier without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed I would be a mom from a young age.
After caring for kids for nearly a decade, I'm not certain I even like children. The crying, the whining, the constant demands it really just goes through my skin to the point of anger.
I'm moving onto a new career because I think I'm burnt out, but I'm also really thinking I don't want kids of my own.
I'm mostly annoyed by other people's kids ( family and friends) out sided of the ages I work with I can't relate to them.

The thing is I do want to be married and I feel like at my age guys want a wife who wants kids or the guy will already have kids.

The other issues is my family, there is no way they'd accept me not having kids not that I'd have kids just to appease them, but it's an issue.

I'm not total monster. I care about kids. I like volunteering with them as a bay cuddler or playgroups, but I just don't think I'm cut out for 24/7/365 forever.

Is there a way to know for sure?

Having and caring for your own children is a totally different thing than caring for someone else's children. You're not a monster.

I didn't want children until about one year after I got married - I was 31. Up to that point I was so certain children were not in my future, and I was happy with that. Today I have 2 kids and honestly have no idea what my life would be like without them. All that said, when it comes to someone else's kids I'm kinda "eh" neutral. I can take em or leave em.... unless they're a super cute and chubby baby or toddler

[Anonymous]

That's totally fine. Nothing to worry about. Plenty of men don't want kids either. Fwiw, if you really feel that you don't want them, don't date a man who DOES want them. Because the VERY worst thing is to have a kid you don't want. You won't change and it's freaking hard work even under the very best of circumstances and you wanted the baby very much. If you were ambivalent to begin with, I suspect you will want to put a bullet in your brain when you have to wake up for the fifth time to a screaming baby.

[Anonymous]

I didn't want kids until my nephew was born. I was 34 at the time. And he grew on me. And I thought, wow, I could do that. Didn't become a mom until almost 40. Best thing ever. For "me." Amazingly, i was the first in my crowd to have a kid. A few others have now. But my best friend doesn't have any kids, and she's got a wonderful life that she just adores. Be true to you. Understand that feeling could change though. Especially if you are burned out now watching other people's kids. Give it 5 years or so, kid-free. Reevaluate down the road. And it's OK to tell men you are on the fence about kids. Family doesn't need any explanation any time soon. But potential partners do, IMO. Just be honest.

[Anonymous]

I never wanted children in the abstract but when I met my husband I couldn't wait to have children with him -- to have another little version of him, to see which of our traits our kids would inherit, to build something together with him. I think there's a big difference between liking children in general and liking your children. Now that my children are grown and in college, I still don't like other people's children particularly when they're young and whiney. Also, I was never really a baby person -- My best memories of spending time with our kids is when they grew up a bit and we could have shared adventures together. There's a big difference between enjoying building Lego blocks in the nursery at church and doing something amazing like playing music with your own kids.

[Anonymous]

OP you could absolutely find a man who didn't want kids as well, so don't let that be a source of worry to you.
I do understand just not being sure though. This is where a crystal ball would come in really handy!

[Anonymous]

Teachers & nurses are the largest groups of women who do not have children. Maybe because they know what they are getting into?