Dating an older man - 20 years older

[Anonymous]

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/547025.page

[Anonymous]

My ex is 41 and dating a 22 year old. Everyone in our circle thinks he's a moron. I'm happily remarried to someone my own age.

[Anonymous]

Anyone can get sick or infirm at any time. Go for it, OP. "Being the only 50 year old at a gathering of 70 year olds" is twenty years down the road, for heaven's sake, and the bulk of your time is not spent at gatherings. People on these boards relish other people's loss and misery, so ignore the naysayers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex is 41 and dating a 22 year old. Everyone in our circle thinks he's a moron. I'm happily remarried to someone my own age.

Everyone is probably jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/547025.page

I commented in the linked thread. My advice remains the same. Enjoy his company, but if you are looking for something long-term, I would look elsewhere.

Do you always date much-older men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe strongly in the classic formula:

((older person's age)/2 + 7 = (lowest partner age))

For a 50 year old:
50/2 + 7 = 32

At 30, you're already a couple of years below a 50 year old's floor. I know 30 is only 2 years young than 32, but the formula is already lenient. It allows for greater differences in age as you get older, as those differences gradually mean less. If he was in his mid-40s, I'd say go for it.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Maybe he is unusually fit and youthful looking, or has enough money or personality to make up for it? Patrick Stewart was the "Sexiest Man in America" in his 50s.

I hate to say it, but unless he has enough money that you don't have to worry about affording medical care, or help around the house as he ages, I would tread cautiously.

Everyone talks of this classic formula, but they forget that this formula was for men from ages 18 to 30 years. It was not for really old guys, like a 60 year old man with a 37 year old woman, Which is quite creepy.


So for a 18 year old :
18/2 + 7 = 16


For a 30 year old man:
30/2 + 7 = 22

Both of those ages work quite well for the *lowest* possible age.

It's not "creepy" for a 60 year old to be dating someone who is almost 40. 60 with a 20 year old would be creepy.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's health issue to consider marrying older man. Are you ready to face reality that you will be the care giver if he gets sick? Illnesses start bubbling up after forty. One of my mom's friends was widowed twice. Her current boyfriend ( 67 yo)wants to marry her but she's resisting it. She does not want to be the care giver again. If you are ready to face these challenges, then go for it. Life is too short to wait it out on the sidelines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's health issue to consider marrying older man. Are you ready to face reality that you will be the care giver if he gets sick? Illnesses start bubbling up after forty. One of my mom's friends was widowed twice. Her current boyfriend ( 67 yo)wants to marry her but she's resisting it. She does not want to be the care giver again. If you are ready to face these challenges, then go for it. Life is too short to wait it out on the sidelines.

That's a rather broad statement.

And the OP is talking about a 50 year old, not a guy who's pushing 70. A fit & healthy 50 year old can reasonably expect another 20+ years of good health.

What is his attitude towards things like fitness and seeing doctors? Mid-life is where you really start seeing the difference between the guys who took their health seriously and those who let themselves go.

[Anonymous]

Don't kid yourself that not being married means yout can just walk away when he gets old. I mean, you can, but would you do that after a nice 20 years together?

Does he have enough retirement savings, or is he looking for you to support him in his old age?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

This would never have worked for me since my father was only 20 years old when I was born. I was not comfortable dating anyone that was more than 5 years older them me, and ended up marrying someone within 6 months of my own age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you believe a relationship between a 30 year old woman and 50 year old man could actually succeed, assuming everything else is perfect. The man is divorced with almost grown-up children. Careers, interests, and maturity align. Is the age difference just too much??

The problem here is that you can't really control who you fall in love with. You could just as easily fallen for a guy that was same age but had a whole host of issues. Do you abandon him when they show up. What about the women in their early 20's that marry guys in same age and schizophrenia shows up? That is a lifetime of problems. Do they divorce or do they stick with it. We all will get sick and die one day when his time comes do you want to be there or not? Life and relationships aren't all about the good times. It is about the bad times too and how you handle them. If there is money and the ability and will to manage as he ages then go for it. If you don't want to be there and deal with that sort of thing then move one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That guy looks like he's pushing 80, not 50. The women looks like she's in her 20s, not 30. No one is suggesting that a 60 year age difference is going to work in most cases. At least not until human beings routinely live to 150.

Fiftyish guys are Johnny Depp, Will Smith, Eddie Vedder and Conan O'Brien. They are not young, but they are hardly decrepit old geezers.

A 50/30 age range is a bit of a stretch, but as long as he is in good health, and has the resources to not become financially dependent on you (or you make enough money for this not to matter) and everything else checks out, then why not? If he's an awesome guy, then 20-30 years of an enjoyable marriage, before he is dead, or has one foot in the grave, might be worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex is 41 and dating a 22 year old. Everyone in our circle thinks he's a moron. I'm happily remarried to someone my own age.

Everyone is probably jealous.

Jealous of his babysitting job?

This is the case in my circle as well. People are minimally polite, but millennial girlfriends are tolerated, perhaps pitied for their naivete, but never fully accepted. The men are looked down upon and excluded if we don't feel like dealing with the girlfriend at a particular event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex is 41 and dating a 22 year old. Everyone in our circle thinks he's a moron. I'm happily remarried to someone my own age.

Everyone is probably jealous.

Jealous of his babysitting job?

This is the case in my circle as well. People are minimally polite, but millennial girlfriends are tolerated, perhaps pitied for their naivete, but never fully accepted. The men are looked down upon and excluded if we don't feel like dealing with the girlfriend at a particular event.