Is it normal to not feel excited about marrying him?

[Anonymous]

Safe to say this is a red flag you shouldn't ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of people who were anxious before a wedding and were happily married.

Why aren't they posting, then? This isn't a board called "Grievances of People for Whom Things Did Not Work Out." This is for all relationships, and both happily and unhappily married people read this.

I asked about OP's thoughts on the long future, but I'll also add, how do your friends and family feel about your relationship? If they have concerns, too, I would add them to your things to think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of people who were anxious before a wedding and were happily married.

Why aren't they posting, then? This isn't a board called "Grievances of People for Whom Things Did Not Work Out." This is for all relationships, and both happily and unhappily married people read this.

I asked about OP's thoughts on the long future, but I'll also add, how do your friends and family feel about your relationship? If they have concerns, too, I would add them to your things to think about.

Because this is a place where unhappy, negative people tend to post. That's true of most Internet forums, really. People who are content and successful in their own lives don't usually spend of bunch of time in places like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of people who were anxious before a wedding and were happily married.

Why aren't they posting, then? This isn't a board called "Grievances of People for Whom Things Did Not Work Out." This is for all relationships, and both happily and unhappily married people read this.

I asked about OP's thoughts on the long future, but I'll also add, how do your friends and family feel about your relationship? If they have concerns, too, I would add them to your things to think about.

Because this is a place where unhappy, negative people tend to post. That's true of most Internet forums, really. People who are content and successful in their own lives don't usually spend of bunch of time in places like this.

NP here -- Happy, content, successful, and in love with my husband. I was so excited to marry him six years ago, and am excited to be married to him now. I love his smile. I love his walk. He has perfected oral. He's fun. He's a fabulous father. I want to be around him all the time. I never for a second had cold feet before we got married, and neither did he.
I didn't comment on the post because I can't relate personally, but I do believe there are people who were anxious and subsequently happy, and I am positive that there are people who aren't excited about the Getting Married aspect, but are excited about Being Married (which is more important anyway).

I too am curious whether OP is jittery about the wedding and preparations (go small -- it's such a huge relief!), or whether OP should delay and figure out her concerns.

[Anonymous]

I am happily married for 20 years now. I was engaged to my now-DH twice. The first time, we planned a fairly big wedding. Whole thing just seemed like a burden. We broke up for half a year but eventually got back together. When we decided a year after that to get married, we practically eloped - a very small wedding, planned in about 2 months, with just family.

In my experience, too many people plan weddings and not marriages. If you put too much stock into the wedding part, you are bound to be disappointed by the letdown as you head into marriage. But if you are not looking forward to spending your life with your fiance, you shouldn't marry him now.

It might also help to meet with a counselor a few times, if you are so inclined, just to clarify things for yourself.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Divorced a few years after a 22 year marriage. I remember the day of the wedding saying to myself this won't work, but stayed in the marriage for the kids... Fast forward and the XW has her mid life crisis and gone! Should of known then that this will eventually happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't feel excited about marrying my fiance. The whole wedding planning situation makes me stressed out and anxious. I don't daydream about my dress or being his mrs. Is this okay?

Stop reading posts in this forum and think that its normal to settle and accept being a marriage you arent happy in. Next thing you know, youll be posting about lack of sex, boredom, inquiring about having an AP, and a host of other crap some of these miserable married people post about in here.

This is not normal married life. Dont let this forum give you confirmation bias that this is how your life will end up. If you have way more questions than you have answers step away and reassess things. If not, youll be another DC Urban mom posting in here about how miserable your life is. Your best bet is to read some of these posts and aspire to not be like them as opposed to thinking this is the norm. Its not. You can be happy and in love in a marriage and yes the ups and downs exist during that period and time.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that's normal, no. If it's the wedding itself you're not looking forward to, that's one thing - if it's being married to this person, that's another. One you really shouldn't ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am happily married for 20 years now. I was engaged to my now-DH twice. The first time, we planned a fairly big wedding. Whole thing just seemed like a burden. We broke up for half a year but eventually got back together. When we decided a year after that to get married, we practically eloped - a very small wedding, planned in about 2 months, with just family.

In my experience, too many people plan weddings and not marriages. If you put too much stock into the wedding part, you are bound to be disappointed by the letdown as you head into marriage. But if you are not looking forward to spending your life with your fiance, you shouldn't marry him now.

It might also help to meet with a counselor a few times, if you are so inclined, just to clarify things for yourself.

Good luck.

I think that has been said before, but regardless, that is dead on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am happily married for 20 years now. I was engaged to my now-DH twice. The first time, we planned a fairly big wedding. Whole thing just seemed like a burden. We broke up for half a year but eventually got back together. When we decided a year after that to get married, we practically eloped - a very small wedding, planned in about 2 months, with just family.

In my experience, too many people plan weddings and not marriages. If you put too much stock into the wedding part, you are bound to be disappointed by the letdown as you head into marriage. But if you are not looking forward to spending your life with your fiance, you shouldn't marry him now.

It might also help to meet with a counselor a few times, if you are so inclined, just to clarify things for yourself.

Good luck.

I think that has been said before, but regardless, that is dead on.

Happily married person here. I agree! I love going through all aspects of life with DH. It's not a fair weather marriage, we're in it for the natural disasters too. And then we laugh about the crisis later and know that we're stronger.

[Anonymous]

If you didn't have to plan a wedding and could just take off for Vegas and do it there, would you be more excited?

If you're already living together and have been for awhile, maybe you're nonchalant because nothing is really changing other than a piece of paper.

Do you normally get excited about stuff? Or are you one of those people who is a little more low-key/jaded?

I'm single so I have no dog in this fight. But I don't think I'd bother to get married if I wasn't excited to be marrying the guy. It's a lot of work to go through for an outcome if you're not happy about the outcome.

[Anonymous]

Great article

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html?_r=0

[Anonymous]

Not sure where OP went, but it would be helpful if she answered some of the questions that PP have asked. However, I will give you my experience. I don't think it is normal to feel this way. I felt this way before my wedding and continued to ignore it and made up excuses for why I was feeling this way. I went forward w/ the wedding and now I am 9 years in and I am about to separate from my husband. You should be excited about sharing your life (hard times/good times, etc) with this man. If its just the wedding you are nervous about and not the relationship, then I would say that part is probably normal. I know it probably feels hard to think about stepping away from this now, but trust me it is SO MUCH HARDER once you are married, have assets, kids, etc to leave. Please really think about moving forward. People will understand if you call it off, in a few years no one will even remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, take the "advice" here with a grain of salt. You are reading the grievances of people for whom things did not work out. There are plenty of people who were anxious before a wedding and were happily married. Try to figure out if your lack of excitement is due to being stressed, or if you really just aren't looking forward to being with this guy.

What have you said that is markedly different from what others are saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read that over 30% of women regret walking down the aisle with their fiance. Please do not be one of them.

+1. A very high percentage of divorces occur simply as the result of poor decisions where one or both parties had the warning signs and chose to move forward anyway.

Me. I wasn't excited to marry my ex-husband, and in fact, told my mom that I had serious doubts. She chastised me for not speaking up sooner, since this was a few days before the wedding. 3 years later we were divorced. I knew I was making a huge mistake!!!!!!