Ex's New Girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean new gf? If he's exposing someone he just met then I would have a problem with that. Did you guys stipulate when dating you won't subject the kids to that until it's serious?

Right now I would make sure she's not allowed to babysit them if he's not around because you don't know her. I wouldn't care what or who that joker dates, BUT my kids would be another matter.

I did flip out when I found out she had been spending the night. He pretty much blew me off. I think they've been dating a year, going on a year?

When did she start coming around or sleeping over? So I'm assuming you've already checked her out online.

She works with him. They do not live together or even remotely close and I actually do not know when she started coming around because my ex lied to me about it. I asked him outright and he said she was not staying at his house, then I asked the kids and they said she was. He took her with on a vacation they went on, again he told me she wasn't going with, later the kids said she was there... but my hands are tied, what can I really do other than complain to him that I do not like it? It puts the kids in a crappy position that I'm asking them if "anyone else was there" and that dad is telling them not to tell me. So...

And of COURSE I appreciate that this person is treating my children well, that is not why I am posting and it's not the point. It still hurts and it's still a process to grieve through. I am supposed to just be thankful she's nice to my kids and move on? It sucks. IT SUCKS. It sucks she's posting shit online that she can't wait to give them hugs (on school booster donation campaigns), it sucks they go out to dinner for my kids' birthdays, it just hurts. That's all.

I'll get over it and I am mom and I know my kids love me, but I wasn't prepared for my youngest to say "look what I got from Miss Sarah!" and for it to feel so strange for her gift to be included in the list of family gifts that he loved. And for her to be there with them on vacation.

She can have my ex, but my kids,

AS long as she's responsible, but honestly it's suspicious she's posting that stuff online. I'm assuming you're not one of her FB friends so she did it publicly so I'm wondering if a lot of it is for show..the father...their friends...etc. to fit in. I would just talk positive about her to your kids if they say something otherwise I wouldn't mention dad or gf to them. You should start dating yourself and it may help you get over all this stuff.

I think you need to stop talking to your ex except very sparingly and maybe by text about the kids. Yes it's hard but you have to force yourself, you're too involved in what they do. Certainly don't let him see it bothers you, or ask about her.

He & I don't really talk, we probably need to talk more about the kids, actually. She didn't post that on FB. I've blocked her and my ex from FB. She posted that on my kid's fundraising pages at school, not anything related to me, it's through the school. I saw it when I went to make a pledge.

[Anonymous]

OP I blocked the new GF on FB as soon as he got one. I knew what it would be like. This is a guy who didn't want to do anything with our kid. First time he introduces new GF to the kids, they all go on a kidde music day date to a kid's music program at some music venue. He would NEVER have done that with us. If beer and football weren't involved, he didn't do it.

And of course she posted the pics all over FB. Others told me later. I knew she would, and I didn't want to see it. I blocked her before I had to. I recommend the same to you.

I know it sucks. I know.

Don't ask your kids about her, don't ask them who was there, just ask them how are you? Are you doing OK? More general questions focused on the child. Don't fish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean new gf? If he's exposing someone he just met then I would have a problem with that. Did you guys stipulate when dating you won't subject the kids to that until it's serious?

Right now I would make sure she's not allowed to babysit them if he's not around because you don't know her. I wouldn't care what or who that joker dates, BUT my kids would be another matter.

I did flip out when I found out she had been spending the night. He pretty much blew me off. I think they've been dating a year, going on a year?

When did she start coming around or sleeping over? So I'm assuming you've already checked her out online.

She works with him. They do not live together or even remotely close and I actually do not know when she started coming around because my ex lied to me about it. I asked him outright and he said she was not staying at his house, then I asked the kids and they said she was. He took her with on a vacation they went on, again he told me she wasn't going with, later the kids said she was there... but my hands are tied, what can I really do other than complain to him that I do not like it? It puts the kids in a crappy position that I'm asking them if "anyone else was there" and that dad is telling them not to tell me. So...

And of COURSE I appreciate that this person is treating my children well, that is not why I am posting and it's not the point. It still hurts and it's still a process to grieve through. I am supposed to just be thankful she's nice to my kids and move on? It sucks. IT SUCKS. It sucks she's posting shit online that she can't wait to give them hugs (on school booster donation campaigns), it sucks they go out to dinner for my kids' birthdays, it just hurts. That's all.

I'll get over it and I am mom and I know my kids love me, but I wasn't prepared for my youngest to say "look what I got from Miss Sarah!" and for it to feel so strange for her gift to be included in the list of family gifts that he loved. And for her to be there with them on vacation.

She can have my ex, but my kids,

AS long as she's responsible, but honestly it's suspicious she's posting that stuff online. I'm assuming you're not one of her FB friends so she did it publicly so I'm wondering if a lot of it is for show..the father...their friends...etc. to fit in. I would just talk positive about her to your kids if they say something otherwise I wouldn't mention dad or gf to them. You should start dating yourself and it may help you get over all this stuff.

I think you need to stop talking to your ex except very sparingly and maybe by text about the kids. Yes it's hard but you have to force yourself, you're too involved in what they do. Certainly don't let him see it bothers you, or ask about her.

He & I don't really talk, we probably need to talk more about the kids, actually. She didn't post that on FB. I've blocked her and my ex from FB. She posted that on my kid's fundraising pages at school, not anything related to me, it's through the school. I saw it when I went to make a pledge.

Oh sorry just saw that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean new gf? If he's exposing someone he just met then I would have a problem with that. Did you guys stipulate when dating you won't subject the kids to that until it's serious?

Right now I would make sure she's not allowed to babysit them if he's not around because you don't know her. I wouldn't care what or who that joker dates, BUT my kids would be another matter.

I did flip out when I found out she had been spending the night. He pretty much blew me off. I think they've been dating a year, going on a year?

When did she start coming around or sleeping over? So I'm assuming you've already checked her out online.

She works with him. They do not live together or even remotely close and I actually do not know when she started coming around because my ex lied to me about it. I asked him outright and he said she was not staying at his house, then I asked the kids and they said she was. He took her with on a vacation they went on, again he told me she wasn't going with, later the kids said she was there... but my hands are tied, what can I really do other than complain to him that I do not like it? It puts the kids in a crappy position that I'm asking them if "anyone else was there" and that dad is telling them not to tell me. So...

And of COURSE I appreciate that this person is treating my children well, that is not why I am posting and it's not the point. It still hurts and it's still a process to grieve through. I am supposed to just be thankful she's nice to my kids and move on? It sucks. IT SUCKS. It sucks she's posting shit online that she can't wait to give them hugs (on school booster donation campaigns), it sucks they go out to dinner for my kids' birthdays, it just hurts. That's all.

I'll get over it and I am mom and I know my kids love me, but I wasn't prepared for my youngest to say "look what I got from Miss Sarah!" and for it to feel so strange for her gift to be included in the list of family gifts that he loved. And for her to be there with them on vacation.

She can have my ex, but my kids,

AS long as she's responsible, but honestly it's suspicious she's posting that stuff online. I'm assuming you're not one of her FB friends so she did it publicly so I'm wondering if a lot of it is for show..the father...their friends...etc. to fit in. I would just talk positive about her to your kids if they say something otherwise I wouldn't mention dad or gf to them. You should start dating yourself and it may help you get over all this stuff.

I think you need to stop talking to your ex except very sparingly and maybe by text about the kids. Yes it's hard but you have to force yourself, you're too involved in what they do. Certainly don't let him see it bothers you, or ask about her.

He & I don't really talk, we probably need to talk more about the kids, actually. She didn't post that on FB. I've blocked her and my ex from FB. She posted that on my kid's fundraising pages at school, not anything related to me, it's through the school. I saw it when I went to make a pledge.

Oh my gosh, now that's totally inappropriate since she's not related and just a gf. What a ass she is. Ok sorry OP I'd write both of them off but that's just me. It's one of those deals if you let her know it bothers you she might do it more, or both will enjoy your suffering. She had no business with the school, but best to let it go unless she really oversteps her boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I blocked the new GF on FB as soon as he got one. I knew what it would be like. This is a guy who didn't want to do anything with our kid. First time he introduces new GF to the kids, they all go on a kidde music day date to a kid's music program at some music venue. He would NEVER have done that with us. If beer and football weren't involved, he didn't do it.

And of course she posted the pics all over FB. Others told me later. I knew she would, and I didn't want to see it. I blocked her before I had to. I recommend the same to you.

I know it sucks. I know.

Don't ask your kids about her, don't ask them who was there, just ask them how are you? Are you doing OK? More general questions focused on the child. Don't fish.

I would make sure no one posted my kids pics online, that would stop.

[Anonymous]

This could be me someday. I'm a single mom who likes kids and who knows most of the kids in my daughter's grade - I coach youth sports and lead a girl scout troop. If I ever married a guy with kids, I'd probably treat the kids like I do my girl scouts or athletes or daughter's friends.

I'd never try to take the place of someone's parent, but I do try to treat other people's children like I'd want them to treat mine.

I have a couple of child-free friends who have become stepmoms in the last few years. They're not just doing it for appearances - they seem to genuinely love the kids, and they're thrilled at the chance to be a stepmom since they didn't meet their husbands in time to be a mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I blocked the new GF on FB as soon as he got one. I knew what it would be like. This is a guy who didn't want to do anything with our kid. First time he introduces new GF to the kids, they all go on a kidde music day date to a kid's music program at some music venue. He would NEVER have done that with us. If beer and football weren't involved, he didn't do it.

And of course she posted the pics all over FB. Others told me later. I knew she would, and I didn't want to see it. I blocked her before I had to. I recommend the same to you.

I know it sucks. I know.

Don't ask your kids about her, don't ask them who was there, just ask them how are you? Are you doing OK? More general questions focused on the child. Don't fish.

I would make sure no one posted my kids pics online, that would stop.

How would you stop that, pray tell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could be me someday. I'm a single mom who likes kids and who knows most of the kids in my daughter's grade - I coach youth sports and lead a girl scout troop. If I ever married a guy with kids, I'd probably treat the kids like I do my girl scouts or athletes or daughter's friends.

I'd never try to take the place of someone's parent, but I do try to treat other people's children like I'd want them to treat mine.

I have a couple of child-free friends who have become stepmoms in the last few years. They're not just doing it for appearances - they seem to genuinely love the kids, and they're thrilled at the chance to be a stepmom since they didn't meet their husbands in time to be a mom.

This is OP, and I agree with you. I would treat someone else's children well, too. I'm not upset she is treating the boys well. It's just a grieving process in general to see *your* children bond with another woman in that way. I know she isn't replacing me, and I know she is not the new mom, but it hurts regardless. And despite what you think, you never love someone else's children the way you love your own. At some point those kids annoy you or you disagree with dad or mom on how they are dealing with an issue or you just don't feel like you would towards them as you would with your own... Sorry. No way.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand, OP! It has to be so hard to see your kids bond with someone who isn't you. I haven't had to deal with that yet because my ex is kind of socially awkward and doesn't date much.

I don't think I'd ever love another person's kids as much as my own, but I really do love some of the kids I know.

[Anonymous]

Admit it OP, you thought he was going to just slink off to his sad 1BR in Ashburn and you're mad he didn't.

[Anonymous]

It was going to happen eventually. DD loves my ex's GF to pieces and vice versa. Be glad that they're not dealing with someone who treats them poorly or does t want them around. I have been that kid before and it's not a good feeling.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you dating?

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. You sound so grounded. I would have a hard time too, even though in some twisted way I would feel happy that my kids were happy. Your kids are having a similar experience because their connection to her must feel like a betrayal to you.

It sounds like you are just trying to make the best of a situation nobody wants. I would look into a divorce support group so you can share this kind of stuff with other women who won't keep reminding you to be happy. New Beginnings has groups, as does JSSA. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand, OP! It has to be so hard to see your kids bond with someone who isn't you. I haven't had to deal with that yet because my ex is kind of socially awkward and doesn't date much.

I don't think I'd ever love another person's kids as much as my own, but I really do love some of the kids I know.

Thank you for posting this. It makes me feel much better. You sound like such a good person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Admit it OP, you thought he was going to just slink off to his sad 1BR in Ashburn and you're mad he didn't.

Well, he has a house and doesn't live in Ashburn so I really did not think that at all. I am happy he is dating, to be honest. It is my children I concern myself with, not him.