Would you want your teen DD to be friends with an adult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You're taking this situation the wrong way round, OP.

Your children need to have a relationship of trust with you so that if any other person starts something inappropriate, they will tell you.

You can't forbid them from talking to other people, *that* would be weird! It's good that your teens talk to other adults, it prepares them to interact in the adult world.

So work on your relationship with your teens.

the only reasonable response on this thread..

[Anonymous]

WOW you people are wound a little too tight.

I'm a Mom of two boys. The girl who lived across the street was 8 years old when I moved in. She liked playing with my boys and would come over to hang out to play with the boys, I was a SAHM. As she grew up, she started talking to me about different tween/teenager things. Her Mom knew she trusted me and confided in me. Today this young lady is a Sophomore at College on a full scholarship and we are still friends. I text her every once in a while to see how she's doing and she texts me. When she's home for break, we go out to lunch if time allows. To this day, her mom says how lucky she is that her daughter would talk to me about things instead of her friends. Sometimes kids don't feel comfortable talking about certain topics with their parents. The Mom of this girl now wants to have a similar relationship with my boys and I really wish they want that. We are like family, we've lived next to each other for over 12 years.

[Anonymous]

All of the examples that people have given of their own adult/teen relationships are completely different than what the OP describes. The examples given are of a personal, one on one relationship built up over time.

What the OP describes, the rolling down of the window and addressing random teenage kids is very odd to me also. I would think that is very weird. OP posted that the woman talked to her kids, and they had no idea who she was. This is not normal, I would keep an eye out for that one.

[Anonymous]

I would trust your instinct, OP. In any case, this doesn't sound appropriate - the woman isn't a teacher, coach, community leader, or even another kid's mom. I'm wary of adults attempting to befriend minors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WOW you people are wound a little too tight.

I'm a Mom of two boys. The girl who lived across the street was 8 years old when I moved in. She liked playing with my boys and would come over to hang out to play with the boys, I was a SAHM. As she grew up, she started talking to me about different tween/teenager things. Her Mom knew she trusted me and confided in me. Today this young lady is a Sophomore at College on a full scholarship and we are still friends. I text her every once in a while to see how she's doing and she texts me. When she's home for break, we go out to lunch if time allows. To this day, her mom says how lucky she is that her daughter would talk to me about things instead of her friends. Sometimes kids don't feel comfortable talking about certain topics with their parents. The Mom of this girl now wants to have a similar relationship with my boys and I really wish they want that. We are like family, we've lived next to each other for over 12 years.

That's a nice story, but your scenario is very different than what OP describes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, but I'm like this. I don't have children, but I mentor many tweens and teens. Most parents prefer that their kids spend a few minutes with me, that way they have someone trustworthy to talk to, that isn't a teen...

Are you a counselor? Because if not, i would not want my kids spending a few minutes with you, or any other adult who pretended to be their peer.

NP here. You have NO idea that this PP above is "pretending to be a peer" and neither does the OP. For all you or OP knows, this teen doesn't feel she can talk with her parents, or she doesn't have a teacher or other adult she feels comfortable talking with about certain things. OP, can you see how you might be reading too much into what you see? Please consider that you don't know enough to judge. As a parent of a teen girl, I can tell you that what you see is how many teen girls speak and stand when they talk with each other and, yes, with some very trusted adults. It's not weird. Boys don't necessarily interact the same way with adults from what I see of my close friends' teen sons.

I have a teen daughter and know that she needs some adults in her life who are not me or her dad. Most teens do need to know that other adults have their backs and can be sounding boards. It shouldn't take the place of parents being involved and aware of what's going on in the teen's life, but it also isn't automatically something of which to be suspicious.

I guess many folks, based on some posts here, would be suspicious of our close family friend who is in her 60s and doesn't have kids of her own but who for years has mentored many teens, both boys and girls, as a friend, tutor, chauffeur to events when parents couldn't drive them, etc. How sad for anyone to think that adults who are good with kids and interested in them must of course be somehow "off" or are pretending to be kids' peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW you people are wound a little too tight.

I'm a Mom of two boys. The girl who lived across the street was 8 years old when I moved in. She liked playing with my boys and would come over to hang out to play with the boys, I was a SAHM. As she grew up, she started talking to me about different tween/teenager things. Her Mom knew she trusted me and confided in me. Today this young lady is a Sophomore at College on a full scholarship and we are still friends. I text her every once in a while to see how she's doing and she texts me. When she's home for break, we go out to lunch if time allows. To this day, her mom says how lucky she is that her daughter would talk to me about things instead of her friends. Sometimes kids don't feel comfortable talking about certain topics with their parents. The Mom of this girl now wants to have a similar relationship with my boys and I really wish they want that. We are like family, we've lived next to each other for over 12 years.

That's a nice story, but your scenario is very different than what OP describes.

+ 1000 - find some goddam perspective - totally different set up here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of the examples that people have given of their own adult/teen relationships are completely different than what the OP describes. The examples given are of a personal, one on one relationship built up over time.

What the OP describes, the rolling down of the window and addressing random teenage kids is very odd to me also. I would think that is very weird. OP posted that the woman talked to her kids, and they had no idea who she was. This is not normal, I would keep an eye out for that one.

I agree with this. Here is OP who has witnessed this "relationship," and she thinks it is off. I would trust your instinct on this one. Does the mom of this girl know about this? I would make sure she does.

[Anonymous]

My son is friends with some adults (he plays on an adult sport team in an obscure sport), and it doesn't sound like what you describe.

If this friendship doesn't involve a shared hobby, or a professional role for the adult, it is weird.

[Anonymous]

I'm an adult who has a relationship with teens. They're kids I used to work with (camp counselor, etc). As long as it happens organically I don't really think it's that weird. Since I've been in many mentorship roles I think (I hope) that both the kids and the parents find it valuable. I would hate for someone to think that I'm creepy....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW you people are wound a little too tight.

I'm a Mom of two boys. The girl who lived across the street was 8 years old when I moved in. She liked playing with my boys and would come over to hang out to play with the boys, I was a SAHM. As she grew up, she started talking to me about different tween/teenager things. Her Mom knew she trusted me and confided in me. Today this young lady is a Sophomore at College on a full scholarship and we are still friends. I text her every once in a while to see how she's doing and she texts me. When she's home for break, we go out to lunch if time allows. To this day, her mom says how lucky she is that her daughter would talk to me about things instead of her friends. Sometimes kids don't feel comfortable talking about certain topics with their parents. The Mom of this girl now wants to have a similar relationship with my boys and I really wish they want that. We are like family, we've lived next to each other for over 12 years.

That's a nice story, but your scenario is very different than what OP describes.

+ 1000 - find some goddam perspective - totally different set up here.

Agree! love it when DCUMERS are willfully obtuse. Having a mentor type relationship with a coach, neighbor, family friend etc that the parent is aware of is fine , normal and even healthy.

Random adult who drives down the street and only socializes with the children in the neighborhood is weird.
I'm also going to call shame on most of the posters because they know damned well if OP had said a man was doing this they would be ready to call in the troops.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, but I'm like this. I don't have children, but I mentor many tweens and teens. Most parents prefer that their kids spend a few minutes with me, that way they have someone trustworthy to talk to, that isn't a teen...

Are you a counselor? Because if not, i would not want my kids spending a few minutes with you, or any other adult who pretended to be their peer.

NP here. You have NO idea that this PP above is "pretending to be a peer" and neither does the OP. For all you or OP knows, this teen doesn't feel she can talk with her parents, or she doesn't have a teacher or other adult she feels comfortable talking with about certain things. OP, can you see how you might be reading too much into what you see? Please consider that you don't know enough to judge. As a parent of a teen girl, I can tell you that what you see is how many teen girls speak and stand when they talk with each other and, yes, with some very trusted adults. It's not weird. Boys don't necessarily interact the same way with adults from what I see of my close friends' teen sons.

I have a teen daughter and know that she needs some adults in her life who are not me or her dad. Most teens do need to know that other adults have their backs and can be sounding boards. It shouldn't take the place of parents being involved and aware of what's going on in the teen's life, but it also isn't automatically something of which to be suspicious.

I guess many folks, based on some posts here, would be suspicious of our close family friend who is in her 60s and doesn't have kids of her own but who for years has mentored many teens, both boys and girls, as a friend, tutor, chauffeur to events when parents couldn't drive them, etc. How sad for anyone to think that adults who are good with kids and interested in them must of course be somehow "off" or are pretending to be kids' peers.

I'm the OP. I would never in a million years bump my shoulder against a teenager's shoulder like that. Sorry, but yes she is pretending to be a peer. She's middle aged. It looked totally weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, but I'm like this. I don't have children, but I mentor many tweens and teens. Most parents prefer that their kids spend a few minutes with me, that way they have someone trustworthy to talk to, that isn't a teen...

Are you a counselor? Because if not, i would not want my kids spending a few minutes with you, or any other adult who pretended to be their peer.

NP here. You have NO idea that this PP above is "pretending to be a peer" and neither does the OP. For all you or OP knows, this teen doesn't feel she can talk with her parents, or she doesn't have a teacher or other adult she feels comfortable talking with about certain things. OP, can you see how you might be reading too much into what you see? Please consider that you don't know enough to judge. As a parent of a teen girl, I can tell you that what you see is how many teen girls speak and stand when they talk with each other and, yes, with some very trusted adults. It's not weird. Boys don't necessarily interact the same way with adults from what I see of my close friends' teen sons.

I have a teen daughter and know that she needs some adults in her life who are not me or her dad. Most teens do need to know that other adults have their backs and can be sounding boards. It shouldn't take the place of parents being involved and aware of what's going on in the teen's life, but it also isn't automatically something of which to be suspicious.

I guess many folks, based on some posts here, would be suspicious of our close family friend who is in her 60s and doesn't have kids of her own but who for years has mentored many teens, both boys and girls, as a friend, tutor, chauffeur to events when parents couldn't drive them, etc. How sad for anyone to think that adults who are good with kids and interested in them must of course be somehow "off" or are pretending to be kids' peers.

I'm the OP. I would never in a million years bump my shoulder against a teenager's shoulder like that. Sorry, but yes she is pretending to be a peer. She's middle aged. It looked totally weird.

19.33/22.39 again. You and I are different, but that was already obvious. I HAVE bumped shoulders with some teenage girls, but only when they've done it to me first several times, and I've known them quite wThey see me as a big sister/aunt/mentor/whatever. However, there's a huge difference in their behavior with me as compared to their behavior with other kids their ages. Oh, and I'm 31, not that it matters.

I dress more conservatively than most adults, which has caused a few girls to tone down their blatant advertising. And I'm more willing to listen to tween/teen angst than most adults, including the kids' parents. And I make sure that the kid in question takes serious concerns to their parents, or I will do it for them. And I'm trusted to keep the rest of the angsty diatribe sacrosanct, so they come to me with everything.

OP, you don't know the woman, you don't know what the relationship is between her and the teenage girl. Heck, we don't even know if you know the girl! How about minding your own business and worrying about your own kids? If you let your kids know that they aren't to form any kind of mentoring relationship with any adult you don't know... well, it will protect your kids from predators (which I assume is your concern). However, that means that their choices are limited to talking to parents (almost never the first choice for serious conversations), kids their age (usually the first choice for serious conversations, but kids give immature advice, because... they are immature!), or school officials (last choice, nobody wants to tell a school counselor something that would get a friend or themselves kicked out or in trouble at school). So, if you kid or kid's friend is in trouble and needs advice, who is going to give that advice?

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't know the woman, you don't know what the relationship is between her and the teenage girl. Heck, we don't even know if you know the girl! How about minding your own business and worrying about your own kids? If you let your kids know that they aren't to form any kind of mentoring relationship with any adult you don't know... well, it will protect your kids from predators (which I assume is your concern). However, that means that their choices are limited to talking to parents (almost never the first choice for serious conversations), kids their age (usually the first choice for serious conversations, but kids give immature advice, because... they are immature!), or school officials (last choice, nobody wants to tell a school counselor something that would get a friend or themselves kicked out or in trouble at school). So, if you kid or kid's friend is in trouble and needs advice, who is going to give that advice?

Once again, these are different scenario's, and a school counselor is a completely different situation. The OP is minding her own business, she described a situation she saw as being odd and asked for a reality check on an anonymous board. What is wrong with you guys.

Maybe the OP keeps an eye on her and finds out that she is innocuous or has a back story that makes sense. On the surface, yes I too think it is weird as hell to address children you don't know.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't allow this.

When I was 16 I befriended my 25 year old neighbor. We would hang out in her apartment to smoke and drink. Sometimes she' d have company and would disappear with them to the bedroom. If the friend brought a friend, I would be alone with them in the living room. Not a situation I would be comfortable with looking back. My parents where too busy with their careers to figure out what I was doing