Would you want your teen DD to be friends with an adult?

[Anonymous]

There is an adult in our neighborhood who is super friendly with all the kids. She stops to roll down her car window to talk to them if she is driving down the street and they are outside. I mean, she talks directly to the kids, not the adults. Now she seems to be friends with a teen girl. Like, they stand really close and talk to each other in low voices, the woman bumps the girl's shoulder with her shoulder in a "know what I mean?" gesture. This seems completely off to me. I only have boys, though, so -- it this normal for a teen girl or would it make you uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

Yes, it doesn't sound appropriate. Adults should be having close conversations of that type with people their own age.

[Anonymous]

In some circumstances it can be normal. When I was in 9th grade, I used to walk a neighbor's dog. I'd go over after dinner, walk her dog, and then hang out in her kitchen chatting with her while she cleaned up. It was nice to be able to be honest with someone about things going on at school without them freaking out about it. My mom was not that person.

My daughter is in 7th grade, and she has lunch with her math teacher, and the social studies teacher sometimes. DD even made a card for the math teacher's mom's birthday. They're in their 20's, and super perky and I like that DD has yet another sane adult to talk with.

[Anonymous]

I was friends with a couple of adults in high school. They were in their 20s and one was the cousin of my best friend. We liked the same movies. It was great, they were really good people.

[Anonymous]

I think it would be ok if the adult is a family friend, or if the parents have her over as an honorary "aunt" or something. I think it would be nice as long as the parents know and approve.

[Anonymous]

It is SAD is what it is. I know you can feel like you're still a teen "inside" into your 40s but you're just NOT.

[Anonymous]

Excuse me, but I'm like this. I don't have children, but I mentor many tweens and teens. Most parents prefer that their kids spend a few minutes with me, that way they have someone trustworthy to talk to, that isn't a teen...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, but I'm like this. I don't have children, but I mentor many tweens and teens. Most parents prefer that their kids spend a few minutes with me, that way they have someone trustworthy to talk to, that isn't a teen...

Are you a counselor? Because if not, i would not want my kids spending a few minutes with you, or any other adult who pretended to be their peer.

[Anonymous]

I dion't see a problem as long as the adult remembers that they are an adult, and keeps appropriate boundaries. An adult who was interested in DD's life and is a safe person for her to talk to could be a positive thing. An adult who treats DD like a peer, and talks about her sex life, the problems in her marriage, and how hung over she is from last weekend is out of line.

[Anonymous]

Oh, get a grip. The girl is a teen not a toddler. MYOB and stop being so nosey.

[Anonymous]

You're taking this situation the wrong way round, OP.

Your children need to have a relationship of trust with you so that if any other person starts something inappropriate, they will tell you.

You can't forbid them from talking to other people, *that* would be weird! It's good that your teens talk to other adults, it prepares them to interact in the adult world.

So work on your relationship with your teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is an adult in our neighborhood who is super friendly with all the kids. She stops to roll down her car window to talk to them if she is driving down the street and they are outside. I mean, she talks directly to the kids, not the adults. Now she seems to be friends with a teen girl. Like, they stand really close and talk to each other in low voices, the woman bumps the girl's shoulder with her shoulder in a "know what I mean?" gesture. This seems completely off to me. I only have boys, though, so -- it this normal for a teen girl or would it make you uncomfortable?

Does she talk to adults at all? It would concern me if she had no relationship with the other adults.


As for friendships as other pp said I think it depends on the circumstances.


I do know that sometimes friendly females are used to lure girls into unsavory things.

[Anonymous]

For me I think it would depend on how this relationship developed. If the adult is a family friend and the kid came to like her, that is one thing. If the relationship developed because the adult stopper her car to talk to kids, that is another. That is odd behavior and would suggest the adult is seeking out the company of children, which would give me pause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me I think it would depend on how this relationship developed. If the adult is a family friend and the kid came to like her, that is one thing. If the relationship developed because the adult stopper her car to talk to kids, that is another. That is odd behavior and would suggest the adult is seeking out the company of children, which would give me pause.

Yeah, she seems friendly with the kids. It's possible other parents know her but I don't. The first time she stopped to talk to my own kids, I had to say, "Who was that?" One of my kids seemed to thinks he worked at the school, but then changed his mind. She was just some friendly lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, but I'm like this. I don't have children, but I mentor many tweens and teens. Most parents prefer that their kids spend a few minutes with me, that way they have someone trustworthy to talk to, that isn't a teen...

Are you a counselor? Because if not, i would not want my kids spending a few minutes with you, or any other adult who pretended to be their peer.

I didn't say that I tried to be their peer. I said that I am friendly with tweens and teens, their parents trust me, and the kids tell me confidences that otherwise would only be told to peers. I'm sorry that you are offended, but I know that it helps. A tween/teen who is being abused, contemplating running away or suicide, is pregnant or is depressed is likely to talk to me, and then they can get the help they need. Of course those are the extreme cases, but that's why I do it. Yes, I also listen to drama about friends, relationships and whatever else goes through their heads, but I do it because my friends didn't have a mentor, and I wish they had had one.