Would you want your teen DD to be friends with an adult?

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a step towards independence. I became close friends with one of my high school teachers. More than 20 years later, we are still friends. We just hit it off.

I am fairly certain everyone thought I was sleeping with him at some point. I didn't care. He was there to help my buy my first car; to help me move out of my parents' house. He didn't pay for these things, just told me how to save and what to do. My mother is toxic. It was nice to have an adult who believed in me and listened to me.

[Anonymous]

At first this sounded weird to me but I think that's just in your telling. We have a few single, adult neighbors who have wonderful, friendly conversations with my kids. My kids are younger, though, so it has a different feel. But I'm thinking of two women on our street in particular who have really cute dogs. My kids stop by their yards to chat with the dogs and their owners. I can easily see this continuing as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At first this sounded weird to me but I think that's just in your telling. We have a few single, adult neighbors who have wonderful, friendly conversations with my kids. My kids are younger, though, so it has a different feel. But I'm thinking of two women on our street in particular who have really cute dogs. My kids stop by their yards to chat with the dogs and their owners. I can easily see this continuing as they get older.

Oh, and I can totally see one of these women bumping shoulders with my kids, once their shoulders are a little taller (they are only 10 and 8). She has a warm, bubbly personality and a natural way with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dion't see a problem as long as the adult remembers that they are an adult, and keeps appropriate boundaries. An adult who was interested in DD's life and is a safe person for her to talk to could be a positive thing. An adult who treats DD like a peer, and talks about her sex life, the problems in her marriage, and how hung over she is from last weekend is out of line.

+1

[Anonymous]

My sister (thirties) does this regularly with teenagers. She's very charming. It feeds her ego because they think she is worldly and cool and she can impart her "wisdom" about life. She's incredibly narcissistic (as in, probably personality-disorder level narcissistic) and has alienated her same-age friends.

They generally wise up when they figure her out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister (thirties) does this regularly with teenagers. She's very charming. It feeds her ego because they think she is worldly and cool and she can impart her "wisdom" about life. She's incredibly narcissistic (as in, probably personality-disorder level narcissistic) and has alienated her same-age friends.

They generally wise up when they figure her out.

Yeah, I think people who are interested in "hanging with" teens have some kind of arrested development. Posters who say they are close to an individual teen that they know are one thing, but posters who claim to be tween whisperers -- I can't shake the feeling that there's something really wrong there. I also wonder how healthy it is for these kids to see those posters move on to other teens as they age-out of this odd relationship. Just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister (thirties) does this regularly with teenagers. She's very charming. It feeds her ego because they think she is worldly and cool and she can impart her "wisdom" about life. She's incredibly narcissistic (as in, probably personality-disorder level narcissistic) and has alienated her same-age friends.

They generally wise up when they figure her out.

Yeah, I think people who are interested in "hanging with" teens have some kind of arrested development. Posters who say they are close to an individual teen that they know are one thing, but posters who claim to be tween whisperers -- I can't shake the feeling that there's something really wrong there. I also wonder how healthy it is for these kids to see those posters move on to other teens as they age-out of this odd relationship. Just weird.

Um, the only people who "move on" because a child "ages out" of a relationship are pedophiles, not mentors. Yes, several relationships have dwindled over the last several years... the kids went to college on the other side of the country, so instead of seeing each other in passing every day or two, they call and check in once every week or so for a few minutes. That's normal.

So, you consider something wrong with a coach for a middle school or high school sport? Or the guidance counselor? Or just a beloved teacher? Or is it only the neighborhood lady who must have something wrong with her? All of them have a knack for dealing with tweens and teens, or they wouldn't do what they do.

Please, look up Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. It's the same type of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister (thirties) does this regularly with teenagers. She's very charming. It feeds her ego because they think she is worldly and cool and she can impart her "wisdom" about life. She's incredibly narcissistic (as in, probably personality-disorder level narcissistic) and has alienated her same-age friends.

They generally wise up when they figure her out.

Yeah, I think people who are interested in "hanging with" teens have some kind of arrested development. Posters who say they are close to an individual teen that they know are one thing, but posters who claim to be tween whisperers -- I can't shake the feeling that there's something really wrong there. I also wonder how healthy it is for these kids to see those posters move on to other teens as they age-out of this odd relationship. Just weird.

Um, the only people who "move on" because a child "ages out" of a relationship are pedophiles, not mentors. Yes, several relationships have dwindled over the last several years... the kids went to college on the other side of the country, so instead of seeing each other in passing every day or two, they call and check in once every week or so for a few minutes. That's normal.

So, you consider something wrong with a coach for a middle school or high school sport? Or the guidance counselor? Or just a beloved teacher? Or is it only the neighborhood lady who must have something wrong with her? All of them have a knack for dealing with tweens and teens, or they wouldn't do what they do.

Please, look up Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. It's the same type of thing.

I think people who are interested in developing a relationship with someone because they are in a certain age group have some kind of a problem. It's not like you met someone and clicked with that particular individual, or you lived next door to them and got to know them and watched them grow up, or had them in a classroom or coached them on a team and got to know them. You just like them because they're teens. That's the weird part.

I also cannot imagine them calling to check in once a week after they grow up. Totally weird.

[Anonymous]

PP, I think you're overlooking an awful lot. Watching someone grow still amazes me, and I've been working with kids for more than 15 years. If you have children, I hope you've felt the same way at some point. If you haven't, you're missing out on one of the best parts of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is an adult in our neighborhood who is super friendly with all the kids. She stops to roll down her car window to talk to them if she is driving down the street and they are outside. I mean, she talks directly to the kids, not the adults. Now she seems to be friends with a teen girl. Like, they stand really close and talk to each other in low voices, the woman bumps the girl's shoulder with her shoulder in a "know what I mean?" gesture. This seems completely off to me. I only have boys, though, so -- it this normal for a teen girl or would it make you uncomfortable?

What do you think might be going on?

[Anonymous]

I got a job at 15 and developed friendships with adults at work. It was unavoidable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I think you're overlooking an awful lot. Watching someone grow still amazes me, and I've been working with kids for more than 15 years. If you have children, I hope you've felt the same way at some point. If you haven't, you're missing out on one of the best parts of parenting.

Yes, that's what I meant. But befriending only people in one age set again and again is not watching them grow. It's staying with kids of a certain age, then moving on to other kids of that age, etc. That was my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister (thirties) does this regularly with teenagers. She's very charming. It feeds her ego because they think she is worldly and cool and she can impart her "wisdom" about life. She's incredibly narcissistic (as in, probably personality-disorder level narcissistic) and has alienated her same-age friends.

They generally wise up when they figure her out.

Yeah, I think people who are interested in "hanging with" teens have some kind of arrested development. Posters who say they are close to an individual teen that they know are one thing, but posters who claim to be tween whisperers -- I can't shake the feeling that there's something really wrong there. I also wonder how healthy it is for these kids to see those posters move on to other teens as they age-out of this odd relationship. Just weird.

Um, the only people who "move on" because a child "ages out" of a relationship are pedophiles, not mentors. Yes, several relationships have dwindled over the last several years... the kids went to college on the other side of the country, so instead of seeing each other in passing every day or two, they call and check in once every week or so for a few minutes. That's normal.

So, you consider something wrong with a coach for a middle school or high school sport? Or the guidance counselor? Or just a beloved teacher? Or is it only the neighborhood lady who must have something wrong with her? All of them have a knack for dealing with tweens and teens, or they wouldn't do what they do.

Please, look up Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. It's the same type of thing.

I think people who are interested in developing a relationship with someone because they are in a certain age group have some kind of a problem. It's not like you met someone and clicked with that particular individual, or you lived next door to them and got to know them and watched them grow up, or had them in a classroom or coached them on a team and got to know them. You just like them because they're teens. That's the weird part.

I also cannot imagine them calling to check in once a week after they grow up. Totally weird.

I don't call them, they call me. I never push myself at anyone, I leave it up to them to come to me with issues, concerns and victories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I think you're overlooking an awful lot. Watching someone grow still amazes me, and I've been working with kids for more than 15 years. If you have children, I hope you've felt the same way at some point. If you haven't, you're missing out on one of the best parts of parenting.

Yes, that's what I meant. But befriending only people in one age set again and again is not watching them grow. It's staying with kids of a certain age, then moving on to other kids of that age, etc. That was my point.

And my point was that I don't move on when they are no longer a certain age. I'm in touch with all of the kids I've mentored. Any decent mentor keeps in touch, or the mentee starts to believe that the mentor was only doing it to get someone out of it. Honestly, please call Big Brothers Big Sisters and talk to them. If you won't believe me or anyone else on here who mentors kids, maybe you'll believe someone in a national organization devoted solely to saving and enriching kids' lives

[Anonymous]

I have a family friend with a 14 year old daughter whom I've know since birth. She is like my younger sister and we are very close. She and I text, talk and hang out. I am 35. I have a husband and a baby and many, many friends my own age.

I am sure an outsider would find our closeness strange, but there is nothing inappropriate about it.