Walk me through this affair stuff

[Anonymous]

They're

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something happened in her childhood. Her father treated her like shit. She was sexually assaulted. Something. It could be a number of things but she needs therapy.

Women will claim it's love or they just want to get banged. But they just wish they is the reason. Just like a stripper will also tell you they only do it for the money but the truth is they were most likely abused as kids.

But she had a great childhood. I think she loves to feel in control of situations and loves the thought of a man risking it all just to be with her. She is also very independent and hates the idea of having to be with someone all the time but still wants good and passionate sex with someone other than a random stranger at a bar. I don't know that's just my assessment. Supposedly, they're "in love" but I guarantee if he left his wife, she would want nothing to do with him.

Insecurity. She's afraid that whatever she's offering isn't what stick-around-men are looking for. It's safer for her to continue forming attachments to unattainable men because there's a built-in excuse if they ultimately reject her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intimacy issues. It's safer emotionally to fall in love with an unavailable man. You can never really be rejected for yourself because circumstances were always stacked against your relationship.

But, on the other hand, sometimes you meet a guy and he just knocks you off your feet. He's brilliant and attentive and attractive. But he's married.

+1
I've seen things play out like this quite a few times.

[Anonymous]

Daddy issues. I had a good friend like this, it was weird

[Anonymous]

I don't think the wife is real to the OW. She only sees the guy alone, single, doting on her. I think it's the glow of a new relationship, a crush, that went too far. Plus by his being married, the newness infatuation being erased by familiarity of seeing one another a lot takes longer than if he were available. It's a phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the wife is real to the OW. She only sees the guy alone, single, doting on her. I think it's the glow of a new relationship, a crush, that went too far. Plus by his being married, the newness infatuation being erased by familiarity of seeing one another a lot takes longer than if he were available. It's a phase.

Yes, agree. People totally over think this. Just two people with chemistry who let feelings trump "morals"

FWIW, I was the other man to a married woman. Nothing complex about it. She was hot, we had sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the wife is real to the OW. She only sees the guy alone, single, doting on her. I think it's the glow of a new relationship, a crush, that went too far. Plus by his being married, the newness infatuation being erased by familiarity of seeing one another a lot takes longer than if he were available. It's a phase.

Yes, agree. People totally over think this. Just two people with chemistry who let feelings trump "morals"

FWIW, I was the other man to a married woman. Nothing complex about it. She was hot, we had sex.

+1

[Anonymous]

Women who go for this kind of unavailable man have low self-esteem and always have some issues at the root of it. Years ago I worked with a woman who has having an affair with at work with a married man. They both were married and each had a child.

It was fascinating to watch the whole thing play out. In her case, she was super confident at work, successful, not particularly attractive but not unattractive, ambitious, smart. Seemed to come from a nice family, nice childhood, etc.

But when you dove deeper, found out that she had been engaged prior to her husband and had been totally humiliated by him - like left at the alter type stuff. She just never got over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women who go for this kind of unavailable man have low self-esteem and always have some issues at the root of it. Years ago I worked with a woman who has having an affair with at work with a married man. They both were married and each had a child.

It was fascinating to watch the whole thing play out. In her case, she was super confident at work, successful, not particularly attractive but not unattractive, ambitious, smart. Seemed to come from a nice family, nice childhood, etc.

But when you dove deeper, found out that she had been engaged prior to her husband and had been totally humiliated by him - like left at the alter type stuff. She just never got over it.

Every human being has insecurities, neuroses, and a dark side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who go for this kind of unavailable man have low self-esteem and always have some issues at the root of it. Years ago I worked with a woman who has having an affair with at work with a married man. They both were married and each had a child.

It was fascinating to watch the whole thing play out. In her case, she was super confident at work, successful, not particularly attractive but not unattractive, ambitious, smart. Seemed to come from a nice family, nice childhood, etc.

But when you dove deeper, found out that she had been engaged prior to her husband and had been totally humiliated by him - like left at the alter type stuff. She just never got over it.

Every human being has insecurities, neuroses, and a dark side.

Does it make you feel better to think that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women who go for this kind of unavailable man have low self-esteem and always have some issues at the root of it. Years ago I worked with a woman who has having an affair with at work with a married man. They both were married and each had a child.

It was fascinating to watch the whole thing play out. In her case, she was super confident at work, successful, not particularly attractive but not unattractive, ambitious, smart. Seemed to come from a nice family, nice childhood, etc.

But when you dove deeper, found out that she had been engaged prior to her husband and had been totally humiliated by him - like left at the alter type stuff. She just never got over it.

Every human being has insecurities, neuroses, and a dark side.

Agree. Not everyone fucks unavailable men cause they think they don't deserve better though.

You aren't as profound as you think.

[Anonymous]

It varies from person to person but overall it's about their self-esteem and what they think they deserve in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious about this. Why do women enter into affairs with married men? Have a good friend who is in one and she cries over not seeing him all the time. No sh!t he has a family and a wife that will always come before you! She's no dummy in other aspects of her life, but gosh what attracts her to unavailable men?? I just don't understand it.

Maybe you should have asked why do some single women fall in love with married men?

I don't know. I never fell in love with any of them.

[Anonymous]

I think it must be an internal moral compass, faith, self-esteem ( choose one) which perhaps you don't know you have until faced with it and then if you have it - you don't go down that path but if you don't have it - you do go down that path?

I was single and dating and ran into this and when the guy revealed he was married, I just knew instinctively that was not me and said " no thanks." Had never even occurred to me before that it could happen and/ or that I was that principled. I was young 20's but just knew it was not something that was right. And he appeared to be " a catch" with the top education, job, looks, whatever but I knew then at a young age that it was wrong AND if he does it to his wife, he will do it to me.

Not sure how I knew as not a topic growing up. Again, I think like complete honesty, compassion, grit, drive and the like, some are born with it, some learn it, some struggle with it, and some never get it? My two cents.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why women go after married men. I'm not sure that it is always related to insecurity.
Katharine Hepburn was with a married man for 25 years and she seemed extremely confident.

http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2014/02/katharine-hepburn-spencer-tracy-movie