Speaking of MILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After a 3 hour car ride kids and adults should get out and run/walk around. Get the blood flowing so they don't get blood clots . You need to listen to your MIL. She has more experience than you do plus I see nothing in your post that suggests she's out to harm anyone.

You're bitching to bitch.

Agree with your first paragraph, but I don't think OP is BTB. I think she's projecting her low opinion of herself onto MIL>

[Anonymous]

I could be projecting my insecurity, or else I didn't give a good example of what she's like. I'm not saying she's a bad person or intentionally trying to be judgey, but I am aware of her judgemental side. I also find that older, larger, louder, more domineering people are hard to deal with because they run roughshod over people. I ask her about herself but I feel overwhelmed by her conversational style and her take charge attitude. I feel like I have no say in the routine when they come over. It's like the comment someone made once of someone opening a bounce house inside your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be projecting my insecurity, or else I didn't give a good example of what she's like. I'm not saying she's a bad person or intentionally trying to be judgey, but I am aware of her judgemental side. I also find that older, larger, louder, more domineering people are hard to deal with because they run roughshod over people. I ask her about herself but I feel overwhelmed by her conversational style and her take charge attitude. I feel like I have no say in the routine when they come over. It's like the comment someone made once of someone opening a bounce house inside your house.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Completely ignore her comments designed to make you feel inferior. As for her trying to be the alpha around your kids, tell her she needs to address you, not the children, when suggesting things out loud. You are in charge and she is a guest. If she can't do that, she's not going to be included. Up to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of women of my generation are terribly insecure. Seriously, ladies, not everything is an affront. Grow up.

I actually think women of the MIL generation are the insecure ones, since they traditionally had less going on in their lives outside of the house. They don't know who they are without their kids to take care of, so they get very needy once the kids fly the nest. It tends to be at the root of many disputes once their kids get into relationships. They're terrified of being replaced and refuse to let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of women of my generation are terribly insecure. Seriously, ladies, not everything is an affront. Grow up.

I actually think women of the MIL generation are the insecure ones, since they traditionally had less going on in their lives outside of the house. They don't know who they are without their kids to take care of, so they get very needy once the kids fly the nest. It tends to be at the root of many disputes once their kids get into relationships. They're terrified of being replaced and refuse to let go.

This is so true for my MIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be projecting my insecurity, or else I didn't give a good example of what she's like. I'm not saying she's a bad person or intentionally trying to be judgey, but I am aware of her judgemental side. I also find that older, larger, louder, more domineering people are hard to deal with because they run roughshod over people. I ask her about herself but I feel overwhelmed by her conversational style and her take charge attitude. I feel like I have no say in the routine when they come over. It's like the comment someone made once of someone opening a bounce house inside your house.

What are you, 12 years old? You're afraid of "older, larger, louder" people? You're overwhelmed by assertive people? I guarantee, you're the one with issues, projecting your fears and insecurities. Stop projecting onto others and look inward. You have some work to do to grow up all the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be projecting my insecurity, or else I didn't give a good example of what she's like. I'm not saying she's a bad person or intentionally trying to be judgey, but I am aware of her judgemental side. I also find that older, larger, louder, more domineering people are hard to deal with because they run roughshod over people. I ask her about herself but I feel overwhelmed by her conversational style and her take charge attitude. I feel like I have no say in the routine when they come over. It's like the comment someone made once of someone opening a bounce house inside your house.

What are you, 12 years old? You're afraid of "older, larger, louder" people? You're overwhelmed by assertive people? I guarantee, you're the one with issues, projecting your fears and insecurities. Stop projecting onto others and look inward. You have some work to do to grow up all the way.

+1. No one else runs my show. My MIL tries, but I redirect and--if absolutely necessary--directly shut her down. She keeps trying, and I keep setting boundaries. It's not always easy or comfortable, but I do what I have to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be projecting my insecurity, or else I didn't give a good example of what she's like. I'm not saying she's a bad person or intentionally trying to be judgey, but I am aware of her judgemental side. I also find that older, larger, louder, more domineering people are hard to deal with because they run roughshod over people. I ask her about herself but I feel overwhelmed by her conversational style and her take charge attitude. I feel like I have no say in the routine when they come over. It's like the comment someone made once of someone opening a bounce house inside your house.

What are you, 12 years old? You're afraid of "older, larger, louder" people? You're overwhelmed by assertive people? I guarantee, you're the one with issues, projecting your fears and insecurities. Stop projecting onto others and look inward. You have some work to do to grow up all the way.

+1. No one else runs my show. My MIL tries, but I redirect and--if absolutely necessary--directly shut her down. She keeps trying, and I keep setting boundaries. It's not always easy or comfortable, but I do what I have to do.

See, you are one of those "older larger louder" people. OP, you need to become one too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be projecting my insecurity, or else I didn't give a good example of what she's like. I'm not saying she's a bad person or intentionally trying to be judgey, but I am aware of her judgemental side. I also find that older, larger, louder, more domineering people are hard to deal with because they run roughshod over people. I ask her about herself but I feel overwhelmed by her conversational style and her take charge attitude. I feel like I have no say in the routine when they come over. It's like the comment someone made once of someone opening a bounce house inside your house.

What are you, 12 years old? You're afraid of "older, larger, louder" people? You're overwhelmed by assertive people? I guarantee, you're the one with issues, projecting your fears and insecurities. Stop projecting onto others and look inward. You have some work to do to grow up all the way.

+1. No one else runs my show. My MIL tries, but I redirect and--if absolutely necessary--directly shut her down. She keeps trying, and I keep setting boundaries. It's not always easy or comfortable, but I do what I have to do.

See, you are one of those "older larger louder" people. OP, you need to become one too.

Actually, no. I'm an introvert. But after years of allowing myself to be controlled, I realized that I was in charge of me. So I handle my business instead of acting like a doormat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be projecting my insecurity, or else I didn't give a good example of what she's like. I'm not saying she's a bad person or intentionally trying to be judgey, but I am aware of her judgemental side. I also find that older, larger, louder, more domineering people are hard to deal with because they run roughshod over people. I ask her about herself but I feel overwhelmed by her conversational style and her take charge attitude. I feel like I have no say in the routine when they come over. It's like the comment someone made once of someone opening a bounce house inside your house.

What are you, 12 years old? You're afraid of "older, larger, louder" people? You're overwhelmed by assertive people? I guarantee, you're the one with issues, projecting your fears and insecurities. Stop projecting onto others and look inward. You have some work to do to grow up all the way.

+1. No one else runs my show. My MIL tries, but I redirect and--if absolutely necessary--directly shut her down. She keeps trying, and I keep setting boundaries. It's not always easy or comfortable, but I do what I have to do.

See, you are one of those "older larger louder" people. OP, you need to become one too.

Actually, no. I'm an introvert. But after years of allowing myself to be controlled, I realized that I was in charge of me. So I handle my business instead of acting like a doormat.

Can you give examples of 'how you handle your business' so the rest of us can learn!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL definitely wants to call all the shots, and her husband and my DH are trained to fall in line with her. I used to be okay with this dynamic when I was weak early in our marriage, but two kids later I am a LOT less tolerant of her BS. This leads to us seeing her less.

If my husband had my back more, I wouldn't resist seeing her as much but I'm not cleaning my house and cooking for three days just to be bossed around by someone who my kids dont even like anyways!

Don't want to hijack, but I'm curious PP ---what was your DH's relationship like with his mother before you married?
I ask because I would be heartbroken if my grandchildren didn't like me. I'm a long way from having grandchildren, but these threads about awful MILs make me think I want to be a good one. I can't stand my MIL, but that's because she is mean to me and ignores my kids. I would never do that.
Serious question OP: What would you like your MIL to do differently? It sounds like you simply do not like her. How does your DH feel anout her? Do your kids like her? My kids have no relationship with their grandparents, and that makes all of us sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be projecting my insecurity, or else I didn't give a good example of what she's like. I'm not saying she's a bad person or intentionally trying to be judgey, but I am aware of her judgemental side. I also find that older, larger, louder, more domineering people are hard to deal with because they run roughshod over people. I ask her about herself but I feel overwhelmed by her conversational style and her take charge attitude. I feel like I have no say in the routine when they come over. It's like the comment someone made once of someone opening a bounce house inside your house.

What are you, 12 years old? You're afraid of "older, larger, louder" people? You're overwhelmed by assertive people? I guarantee, you're the one with issues, projecting your fears and insecurities. Stop projecting onto others and look inward. You have some work to do to grow up all the way.

+1. No one else runs my show. My MIL tries, but I redirect and--if absolutely necessary--directly shut her down. She keeps trying, and I keep setting boundaries. It's not always easy or comfortable, but I do what I have to do.

See, you are one of those "older larger louder" people. OP, you need to become one too.

Actually, no. I'm an introvert. But after years of allowing myself to be controlled, I realized that I was in charge of me. So I handle my business instead of acting like a doormat.

Can you give examples of 'how you handle your business' so the rest of us can learn!

MIL: Well, it's only 10 a.m.; I'm sure you can stay for lunch at 1.
Me: I'm sorry, Mary, like I said yesterday, we need to leave at 10:30 to make it home in time for Larla's nap. But thanks for a great visit!
MIL: Larla can have a soda just this one time!
Me: No, she may not; but I'm sure she'd like one of your wonderful chocolate chip cookies after dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be projecting my insecurity, or else I didn't give a good example of what she's like. I'm not saying she's a bad person or intentionally trying to be judgey, but I am aware of her judgemental side. I also find that older, larger, louder, more domineering people are hard to deal with because they run roughshod over people. I ask her about herself but I feel overwhelmed by her conversational style and her take charge attitude. I feel like I have no say in the routine when they come over. It's like the comment someone made once of someone opening a bounce house inside your house.

What are you, 12 years old? You're afraid of "older, larger, louder" people? You're overwhelmed by assertive people? I guarantee, you're the one with issues, projecting your fears and insecurities. Stop projecting onto others and look inward. You have some work to do to grow up all the way.

+1. No one else runs my show. My MIL tries, but I redirect and--if absolutely necessary--directly shut her down. She keeps trying, and I keep setting boundaries. It's not always easy or comfortable, but I do what I have to do.

See, you are one of those "older larger louder" people. OP, you need to become one too.

Actually, no. I'm an introvert. But after years of allowing myself to be controlled, I realized that I was in charge of me. So I handle my business instead of acting like a doormat.

Exactly. From OP's viewpoint you are "older larger louder." Grown up.

Can you give examples of 'how you handle your business' so the rest of us can learn!

MIL: Well, it's only 10 a.m.; I'm sure you can stay for lunch at 1.
Me: I'm sorry, Mary, like I said yesterday, we need to leave at 10:30 to make it home in time for Larla's nap. But thanks for a great visit!
MIL: Larla can have a soda just this one time!
Me: No, she may not; but I'm sure she'd like one of your wonderful chocolate chip cookies after dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Serious question OP: What would you like your MIL to do differently? It sounds like you simply do not like her. How does your DH feel anout her? Do your kids like her? My kids have no relationship with their grandparents, and that makes all of us sad.

I would like MIL to respect boundaries. I have tried to set them and MIL and FIL chose to ignore them. FIL told us we just have to understand that MIL has to do what she wants to do. DH ignores her. The kids like her well enough.