What were your parents' rules for you after you graduated college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for me to go to private college and grad school and never had any rules for me. My life is my own. Pay for your kids college bc you want to, not bc you think you can tell them how to run their lives.

Clearly different cultural values. But don't come back crying that your parents do not help out after your children are born. It's a two way street.

So the only reason your parents should help with the grandkids is in exchange for running your life? That's some "cultural value."

[Anonymous]

After 6 months, we were expected to pay rent, though it was far below market rate. I suppose we were also expected to be good housemates (pick up after ourselves, be quiet after a reasonable hour) but by the time we graduated college there was no need to impose rules about that. My parents raised kind, respectful, responsible kids who they treated as fully independent after college. We actually didn't really have any 'rules' while in college either. The understanding was that by age 20 or so, they trusted us completely to make responsible decisions. I think that trust, and lack of controlling behavior, leads to better behavior than imposing rules.

I lived briefly with my parents after college, which they paid for. My older sister did for much longer, and paid rent. We both acted as a caretaker for our ill parent during that time period, so a lack of rules clearly isn't indicative of a lack of strong family bonds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:e.g. What was your curfew?

Let's see. Parents paid for college, I was responsible for my pin money. No curfew in HS, so didn't even come up after college. I moved home after graduation as I did not have anything lined up. It was 1986 and there was a recession. I temped until I found something. I moved to DC as a result and have been here ever since. I didn't pay rent but I saved quite a bit from the temping so I had some starting off money. Nothing was tied to caring for grandchildren. SInce they were not nearby, we saw them mainly on vacation and during a few holidays. DH and I had children after my parents moved to coastal NC for retirement and we would never ever move there.

My sister lived at home for a few years after college, before moving to an apartment, no curfew for her either. SHe saved while at home, so rent and other expenses would not be a shock.

I guess, if there were problems, we would have set up some house rules, but we were all respectful and treated each other like adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:e.g. What was your curfew?

Let's see. Parents paid for college, I was responsible for my pin money. No curfew in HS, so didn't even come up after college. I moved home after graduation as I did not have anything lined up. It was 1986 and there was a recession. I temped until I found something. I moved to DC as a result and have been here ever since. I didn't pay rent but I saved quite a bit from the temping so I had some starting off money. Nothing was tied to caring for grandchildren. SInce they were not nearby, we saw them mainly on vacation and during a few holidays. DH and I had children after my parents moved to coastal NC for retirement and we would never ever move there.

My sister lived at home for a few years after college, before moving to an apartment, no curfew for her either. SHe saved while at home, so rent and other expenses would not be a shock.

I guess, if there were problems, we would have set up some house rules, but we were all respectful and treated each other like adults.

I will add that my Dad moved in with us last summer and is now receiving hospice care in our home, but I ask his primary caretaker. He has 2-4 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:e.g. What was your curfew?

Let's see. Parents paid for college, I was responsible for my pin money. No curfew in HS, so didn't even come up after college. I moved home after graduation as I did not have anything lined up. It was 1986 and there was a recession. I temped until I found something. I moved to DC as a result and have been here ever since. I didn't pay rent but I saved quite a bit from the temping so I had some starting off money. Nothing was tied to caring for grandchildren. SInce they were not nearby, we saw them mainly on vacation and during a few holidays. DH and I had children after my parents moved to coastal NC for retirement and we would never ever move there.

My sister lived at home for a few years after college, before moving to an apartment, no curfew for her either. SHe saved while at home, so rent and other expenses would not be a shock.

I guess, if there were problems, we would have set up some house rules, but we were all respectful and treated each other like adults.

I will add that my Dad moved in with us last summer and is now receiving hospice care in our home, but I amhis primary caretaker. He has 2-4 months.

.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I should have been more clear. This question is aimed at the people whose college was paid for by their parents, not those people who paid their own way through.

No "rules" - I had a job and my own place to live shortly after graduation. What sort of rules are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I should have been more clear. This question is aimed at the people whose college was paid for by their parents, not those people who paid their own way through.

Parents paid for mine. I still did what I wanted, because by the time I graduated college I was an adult.

Well, most people become adults their freshman or sophomore years of college, and even when they're done, they usually still have to listen to Mommy and Daddy because of the bad economy.

Most people do not become an adult, so to speak, freshman or sophomore year. Physically, yes. Maturity, depends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I should have been more clear. This question is aimed at the people whose college was paid for by their parents, not those people who paid their own way through.

Op, you don't get to control your adult child just because you,paid for college

Np here I'm 33 my parents did pay for my college years ago but even if they hadn't I would still listen to them because Thats how I was raised. I'm not aloud outside after dark. Which can be difficult in the winter when it gets dark at 5pm. I do work from home so it works for me. I have to ask before I eat food or buy anything. I'm so used to it now it's second nature. My parents are across the country so timing is key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I should have been more clear. This question is aimed at the people whose college was paid for by their parents, not those people who paid their own way through.

Op, you don't get to control your adult child just because you paid for college

+1

Is your kid living at home? Tell him/her to get a job and move out.

[Anonymous]

I moved back home briefly after college - first job was a job in NYC where I made about $14k a year, so no apartment in the cards, even for a group apartment - but I didn't have any rules, per se. If I was going to be out very late I called,,not because I had a curfew, but because my parents raised me to be a considerate human being.

[Anonymous]

My old school father's rule:

Get a job.

[Anonymous]

Huh? After I moved out to attend freshman year of college, there were no more rules. Guidance and suggestions? Sure. They paid my college bills but I was across the country, so I don't understand how "rules" would have been enforced even if they wanted to.

[Anonymous]

No rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for me to go to private college and grad school and never had any rules for me. My life is my own. Pay for your kids college bc you want to, not bc you think you can tell them how to run their lives.

Clearly different cultural values. But don't come back crying that your parents do not help out after your children are born. It's a two way street.

So the only reason your parents should help with the grandkids is in exchange for running your life? That's some "cultural value."

I would like frame it that way, but this is the prism that you see the world with...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, I should have been more clear. This question is aimed at the people whose college was paid for by their parents, not those people who paid their own way through.

No "rules" - I had a job and my own place to live shortly after graduation. What sort of rules are you talking about?

I dint get it either. My parents paid for half and the other was scholarships. During school I needed to get good grades but that was the scholarship rule and we tried to figure out a good frequency of communication that suited everyone (so not everyday like mom wanted but more than once every two weeks). I moved back for 5 months after graduation and temped while looking for a full time job, didn't pay rent but bought groceries. Rules were that if I was home before them I'd start dinner. To let them know if I wasn't coming home for dinner or not coming home. Just polite roommate stuff and so they wouldn't worry. I moved out when I got the job and that was that. They live close by and come help with their grandchild and see us at least once a week and usually more.