Ned advice about gift giving, taking back and family drama - LONG - sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perfect excuse to buy new furniture and its DH's family's fault so he can't complain.

+1. Let them have all the old stuff and make your husband buy new.

[Anonymous]

Get rid of everything and leave the living room empty. When DH asks about it, tell him to talk to SIL, who has the chairs. Or point to the floor -- and invite him to sit on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfect excuse to buy new furniture and its DH's family's fault so he can't complain.

+1. Let them have all the old stuff and make your husband buy new.

It's not 1955 anymore. OP and her DH BOTH have to buy new. The financial pain belongs to both of them.

[Anonymous]

Nothing is your fault here, OP. Your ILs are acting quite rudely, but it may all be a miscommunication - mainly due to MIL, I suspect. She thinks she still owns YOUR living room set. It was a gift. A gift cannot and should not be taken back, unless the recipient specifically asks for it.

Tell you husband that he will either have to pay for new furniture or ask his sister for the furniture back, but that you have just been robbed of things that were yours and that you were using!

[Anonymous]

Get rid of the old stuff and buy new.

Then when MIL visits and inevitably asks where her furniture went, you can innocently say you needed a full set and had to get rid of the mismatched pieces after SIL claimed half.

That's what I'd do. But I'm a huge bitch.

[Anonymous]

If I wanted to be vindictive, I would sell the old furniture on Craigslist, use the proceeds to buy new. To keep the peace, tell DH to move the old stuff to his sister's and buy new. This situation has MIL written all over it and somehow she has dragged her daughter into it. I would pretend to not want her ratty old furniture and it goes without saying: beware of MIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of the old stuff and buy new.

Then when MIL visits and inevitably asks where her furniture went, you can innocently say you needed a full set and had to get rid of the mismatched pieces after SIL claimed half.

That's what I'd do. But I'm a huge bitch.

This is what I'd do too. I would not offer the other pieces to MIL or SIL and would secretly hope they'd be upset. Sell it on CL and go to Ikea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfect excuse to buy new furniture and its DH's family's fault so he can't complain.

+1. Let them have all the old stuff and make your husband buy new.

It's not 1955 anymore. OP and her DH BOTH have to buy new. The financial pain belongs to both of them.

No she picks out what she wants, he pays.

[Anonymous]

I would get rid of your husband. In doing so, you rid yourself of the IL's at the same time. Really, if your husband has so little consideration for you, what do you have to lose by redecorating your life in a much bigger scale?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the responses. To the pp that asked why we gave MIL the pieces in the first place - it was done while I wasn't home

To the pp that said matching pieces aren't "in" anymore. Yes, they aren't matchy-matchy but the loveseat and coffee-table and one end table (which is what's left) is odd and even finding LR chairs that fit in (not even match, but fit in) is hard.

We really can't afford to buy new furniture, but I will if I must - like others mentioned, there's always credit.

Thanks everyone for at least validating what is a pretty weird dynamic with the inlaws. We all have a pleasant enough relationship that I don't want to appear to be the bitch demanding used furniture back. But I am kind of mad since SIL is pretty well off (far richer than we are) and I'm feeling sorry for myself that we have to go out and buy new furniture for our own living space (that we use) just so SIL can have a furnished in-law suite that's rarely used. But that's just me feeling sorry for myself.

Look your SIL knows you want/need the furniture you told her that. She just knows your DH will not do anything about it. Take it for what it is a big finger in your face. I would tell your MIL that your are getting rid of the remaining stuff she gave you and see if I she wants it before you donate it. I have a feeling she thinks of it as her. If she says yes tell your husband to get the stuff over there is weekend while you shop for new stuff. This should be easy now that you know your husband just does what every the women in the family say. You need to make sure he understands you are not okay with what happened. He better start being on your side. Give him hell, he will quickly fold. In the future do not take anything from your MIL. As for the SIL hide her feed and let DH deal with her, but do not be friendly with her. She should have never taken these things. Know her for what she is.

[Anonymous]

Never heard of this in my life. Who does this ?

I'd let the SIL have it all, tell her to come get the rest because I am getting all new then every single night I would sit and look at furniture online so my husband could see it. I would invite HIS family over to my furniture missing house and tell them I'm sorry, MIL made me give it to SIL after giving it to us so now everyone has to sit on the floor because my husband says we can't afford new.

[Anonymous]

WTF! I agree with the PP who says your MIL probably still considers the furniture hers - but WTF was your DH thinking?! I'm torn between selling the remaining items on CL and calling MIL to see if she wants them back before you donate them. I know how expensive furniture is and why you can't afford to buy new but I'd still go to Ikea and get a couple of pieces. You husband can sit on the fucking floor until you do.

[Anonymous]

Get an ikea sofa for about 500 or go to belfort:
$499 neutral sofa http://www.belfortfurniture.com/item/addison-stationary-sofa/2045482704

I notice MIL and SIL moved out the easy stuff not a big old sofa and charities dont always take those. Call SIL and say MIL really seems to want the furniture she chose so get over here quick and get it hauled out.

All of it. Then get some cheap ikea [under 10 ] tables for end tables and coffee tables. Be glad you're done with her dirty old crap.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP your husband, MIL and SIL are assholes. Your husband should also grow a pair.

Pick out a new set and just buy it.

[Anonymous]

I think you're allowed to talk to your SIL. Your DH shouldn't be that controlling, especially if he's not going to inquire about it himself. It does seem rude that SIL took it when it was given to you, and that she hasn't returned it. Just ask what she intends to do about the furniture because you were using it and you need to know either way (so you can buy new furniture if she has no intentions of returning it).