Can't move on, desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this perhaps an abusive marriage and you aren't focusing on that in therapy? Oddly, they can be the most difficult to dissociate from, particularly if there was a lot of gas-lighting and general mind-fuckery.

OP here and yes he was verbally and emotionally abusive. But I put up with it when I should have stood up for myself and my kids, and the fact that his new GF doesn't put up with it just brings the point home. I can't even say "she'll find out what a jerk he is" because she won't allow it. That's what makes me feel like I wasted my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. You can never heal as long as you're in his orbit. Unplug from him entirely. Start haniging out with friends and meet some new ones. Hire a personal trainer and get a revenge body, become healthy and self confident.

+1million

[Anonymous]

Look it's done now. Marriage is over. You can stay stuck here focused on how great his life is or you can get out there and get your own great life. Which one sounds more appealing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was this perhaps an abusive marriage and you aren't focusing on that in therapy? Oddly, they can be the most difficult to dissociate from, particularly if there was a lot of gas-lighting and general mind-fuckery.

OP here and yes he was verbally and emotionally abusive. But I put up with it when I should have stood up for myself and my kids, and the fact that his new GF doesn't put up with it just brings the point home. I can't even say "she'll find out what a jerk he is" because she won't allow it. That's what makes me feel like I wasted my life.

Some people bring out the worst in each other. You didn't waste your life, you learned some valuable information about yourself that you can apply to your next relationship. Not a waste!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was this perhaps an abusive marriage and you aren't focusing on that in therapy? Oddly, they can be the most difficult to dissociate from, particularly if there was a lot of gas-lighting and general mind-fuckery.

OP here and yes he was verbally and emotionally abusive. But I put up with it when I should have stood up for myself and my kids, and the fact that his new GF doesn't put up with it just brings the point home. I can't even say "she'll find out what a jerk he is" because she won't allow it. That's what makes me feel like I wasted my life.

Or he's behaving now because they're still in the honeymoon stage. His true colors will come out. He can't keep up the act forever.

[Anonymous]

Why not get on some good anti-depressants to help you deal with your pain?

I had a terrible time getting over an ex once. I couldn't eat, shower or even socialize with people. I could barely function on a daily basis.... I remember how I couldn't wait to drop my kids off at school because the second they exited out car, I had 6.5 hrs to cry and lay in bed in a fetal position.

Finally after three full months of this suffering I began taking meds.

I got my life back and slowly recovered my life and spirit back.

I still grieved my personal loss and it still was rough, but the meds helped me to keep things in a proper perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was this perhaps an abusive marriage and you aren't focusing on that in therapy? Oddly, they can be the most difficult to dissociate from, particularly if there was a lot of gas-lighting and general mind-fuckery.

OP here and yes he was verbally and emotionally abusive. But I put up with it when I should have stood up for myself and my kids, and the fact that his new GF doesn't put up with it just brings the point home. I can't even say "she'll find out what a jerk he is" because she won't allow it. That's what makes me feel like I wasted my life.

How do you know this? Just because things look rosy on FB doesn't mean they are indeed rosy - people tend to create an image of perfection on FB.
And they might still be in the honeymoon stage - if he is an abuser, it won't just disappear...it will tear it's head eventually.

Also - just because she is a strong, successful woman doesn't mean she won't put up with abyss or remain in an abusive relationship. Think of all the threads here where women talk about everyone thinking they are so strong/have it all together, when secretly things are terrible.

Stop looking at FB - that only tells a very, very small part of the story and you really know nothing about the dynamics of their relationship. You only know the dynamics of your own relationship with your ex, and they were toxic.

Your thinking/perception is distorted, and it's making it harder to move forward.
CBT might be a good form of therapy to help stop this cycle of perseveration.
He can no longer hurt you, but now you are hurting yourself.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

^^ the abuse will rear its head, not tear.

[Anonymous]

Living well is the best revenge, OP. Work out, make plans, get busy, get happy.

[Anonymous]

You sound like my DH's ex. We knew she was upset and jealous when we got together. After awhile, she got a personal trainer, some cool hobbies, started becoming more social, and now she is better looking and happier than me. Now..I'm married to her asshole ex and miserable, and she's hot and traveling the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DH's ex. We knew she was upset and jealous when we got together. After awhile, she got a personal trainer, some cool hobbies, started becoming more social, and now she is better looking and happier than me. Now..I'm married to her asshole ex and miserable, and she's hot and traveling the world.

As a woman, I think it's pretty awesome you can admit this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not get on some good anti-depressants to help you deal with your pain?

I had a terrible time getting over an ex once. I couldn't eat, shower or even socialize with people. I could barely function on a daily basis.... I remember how I couldn't wait to drop my kids off at school because the second they exited out car, I had 6.5 hrs to cry and lay in bed in a fetal position.

Finally after three full months of this suffering I began taking meds.

I got my life back and slowly recovered my life and spirit back.

I still grieved my personal loss and it still was rough, but the meds helped me to keep things in a proper perspective.

This is too "Brave New World". You don't need medication. It's normal to feel sad in your situation! Time will help. Star focusing on other things. Take a vacation. Call friends and do something fun and don't talk about him. Do things you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my DH's ex. We knew she was upset and jealous when we got together. After awhile, she got a personal trainer, some cool hobbies, started becoming more social, and now she is better looking and happier than me. Now..I'm married to her asshole ex and miserable, and she's hot and traveling the world.

As a woman, I think it's pretty awesome you can admit this!

Lol that you believe this is genuine. This is some ex wife pretending she's the miserable new wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please tell me how I can move on after divorce. I'm obsessing about his new girlfriend and how much better looking than me she is, how great a job she has, how happy they are and how unhappy I am. It has been 14 months and I'm still on verge of tears. I see a therapist every week, she is good, but it is not helping. I just don't want to go on living.

Being honest is cool. Some problems have no answer .