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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Was this perhaps an abusive marriage and you aren't focusing on that in therapy?  Oddly, they can be the most difficult to dissociate from, particularly if there was a lot of gas-lighting and general mind-fuckery. [/quote] 
OP here and yes he was verbally and emotionally abusive.  But I put up with it when I should have stood up for myself and my kids, and the fact that his new GF doesn't put up with it just brings the point home.  I can't even say "she'll find out what a jerk he is" because she won't allow it.  That's what makes me feel like I wasted my life.[/quote]

How do you know this? Just because things look rosy on FB doesn't mean they are indeed rosy - people tend to create an image of perfection on FB.
And they might still be in the honeymoon stage - if he is an abuser, it won't just disappear...it will tear it's head eventually.

Also - just because she is a strong, successful woman doesn't mean she won't put up with abyss or remain in an abusive relationship. Think of all the threads here where women talk about everyone thinking they are so strong/have it all together, when secretly things are terrible.

Stop looking at FB - that only tells a very, very small part of the story and you really know nothing about the dynamics of their relationship. You only know the dynamics of your own relationship with your ex, and they were toxic.

Your thinking/perception is distorted, and it's making it harder to move forward.
CBT might be a good form of therapy to help stop this cycle of perseveration.
He can no longer hurt you, but now you are hurting yourself.[/quote]

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