Can't move on, desperate.
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Anonymous
| Please tell me how I can move on after divorce. I'm obsessing about his new girlfriend and how much better looking than me she is, how great a job she has, how happy they are and how unhappy I am. It has been 14 months and I'm still on verge of tears. I see a therapist every week, she is good, but it is not helping. I just don't want to go on living. |
Anonymous
| Not on the verge of tears, actually. Crying at work nearly every day. |
Anonymous
| Guy here. You can never heal as long as you're in his orbit. Unplug from him entirely. Start haniging out with friends and meet some new ones. Hire a personal trainer and get a revenge body, become healthy and self confident. |
Anonymous
| I literally cried every day for almost 2 years after my divorce - and my x was a big drug using jerk. So yeah. I can take a while. |
Anonymous
| You need to stay off social media now. Defriend him if you haven't already. It will get better. You'll eventually get tired of thinking about him and her. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. Block him (and her) on FB and any other social media. Get him and all triggers of him out of your life. Cold turkey. |
Anonymous
| Hugs, op. 14 months really isn't that long when you were married to the guy. You need to find other ways to fill your time to crowd out thoughts of him. Maybe find some meetup groups for fun activities, like hiking or something else you would enjoy. Hugs. |
Anonymous
| Are you serious? Women have unlimited opportunities to meet. |
Anonymous
|
Time heals. Only problem is it take a long goddam time.
Fastest way is to find a BF but don't just settle for the sake of it. I got divorced a few years ago and my ex is jealous of my GF I can tell just by how she acts. But I love it for she was the reason why the divorce happened and now she wants me back but no way in hell I'm coming back to that miserable relationship. |
Anonymous
|
I focus on the things that make me happy, the things that I have the freedom to do now that I'm single, and remind myself of the ways in which he hurt me and made me feel bad about myself. The last one sometimes makes me cry, but it's a different kind of sadness and a good reminder that he was not the right fit for me. Odds are, he's not going to treat the new girlfriend any better or be happier with her in the long run--it's just shiny and happy and new right now.
But yeah, minimize contact as much as possible (if you don't have kids, there should be none). Make yourself a list of the things you want to do and when you're feeling blue, take steps towards accomplishing something. Or start a gratitude journal or make a happiness jar--whatever speaks to you. You have to throw yourself into life and rebuild and not spend every day wallowing in loss. (But I do think giving yourself the occasional day or hour or whatever to wallow can let you get it out of your system.) |
Anonymous
| Try yoga and meditation- I'm serious. It really helps with anxiety and stress ... |
Anonymous
| Just remember that there are people that will find you more attractive than her. Everyone has a different idea of what the find attractive. |
Anonymous
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He's probably not even that happy with her - she's probably just rebound gal and she'll be hurt soon too.
Can you take a fun trip somewhere with some friends? Or, even alone to an exotic resort? Pick up the bartender or the pool boy or whatever? Have some fun? Get a little tipsy? |
Anonymous
| Was this perhaps an abusive marriage and you aren't focusing on that in therapy? Oddly, they can be the most difficult to dissociate from, particularly if there was a lot of gas-lighting and general mind-fuckery. |
MikeL
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"The best way to get over a man is to get under a new one".
- Betty White |