When does picky eating become abnormal or a eating disorder? 13yo
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Anonymous
| DD has a similar menu she finds acceptable and eats from. She has severe anxiety and it's a way to control her environment. We're working on CBT with her to try to expand her palate. She has issues with taste and texture, as in oatmeal (and many other foods) makes her vomit. She had to want to do it for it to be effective. We're several weeks in and we still haven't added any new foods to the menu, although she can eat a blueberry without gagging now. We'll take whatever progress we can get. |
Anonymous
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Here's a really good blog post on the subject of selective eating, OP. It's written by the director of a highly regarded eating disorder clinic.
https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/selective-eating/ |
Anonymous
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And, her follow up post is here.
https://www.kartiniclinic.com/blog/post/selective-eating-revisited/ You will see more parent descriptions of children's eating that will sound a lot like your step son. There aren't a lot of treatments that have evidence behind them (i.s. studies have been carried out with controlled variables, etc., and published in medical journals) to treat this disorder. There are people trying to treat it using trial and error -- Duke University seems to have a good program in my experience. But if your step son is actually gaining weight and is healthy and has energy, I don't think you'd want to invest that kind of time and money. The people who do that usually have kids who don't eat anything AND are failing to thrive. There's a good book out there but more geared to younger children: http://www.amazon.com/Helping-Child-Extreme-Picky-Eating/dp/162625110X |
Anonymous
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My dd is 10 and a picky eater. She tends to expand her list of acceptable menu items when we go out to eat. For example, one time we went to a seafood restaurant for my birthday. She ate chicken tenders, and I ordered crab legs. I didn't know it at the time, but she was intrigued. The next time we went, she said that she wanted crab legs too. Now she absolutely loves crab legs, and will happily eat over a pound any time she gets the chance. Of course, it's expensive, but she gets to eat them 3 or 4 times a year.
She also likes salmon and steak. She appears to have an expensive palate. She also recently picked out a cookbook and picked the recipe for grilled chicken out of it, and she loves eating that recipe. I am so glad she has expanded her list of items in this direction because she had previously announced she was a vegetarian which I would have no problem with if she actually ate fruits and veggies. Here is her list of acceptable foods: spaghetti with spaghetti sauce (on the side), crab legs, steak, salmon, grilled chicken, cheese pizza, cinnamon rolls, occasionally scrambled eggs, also pancakes, milk, ice cream, tortilla chips, cup cakes, cheez its, and occasionally potato chips. Then in her list, she is picky about only one kind of spaghetti sauce, only one kind of tortilla chips, only a specific kind of potato chip. It is very annoying. She does not eat fruits or vegetables. What does not work is trying to force/persuade her to eat a bite or two of a food that she doesn't want to eat. Also, a food will be a favorite for awhile, then go on the won't eat a bite of list. Like she used to eat sliced cucumbers with ranch dressing, green apples, and salad with italian dressing. All of these are now on the won't eat list. |
Anonymous
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As a parent of a teen with a real eating disorder, all I can say is that you have it easy. He does not have an eating disorder. But, given that you hate how he eats and get embarrassed in restaurants (which I think is pretty weird since there is nothing embarrassing about someone expressing preferences about how their food is presented), it doesn't make sense for you to continue to try to bond over food. Apparently he doesn't care about food. Why wouldn't you decide to try to find common ground instead of trying to change him.
One other thing. I have never heard of toddler medicine. There is children's medicine, which is fine for 13 year olds. And, given that an accidental overdose of something like Tylenol is a big deal and can cause health issues, it makes sense that his mom would supervise its administration. That's not babying. |
Anonymous
Wow this is great stuff and just like my dd who I posted about who likes crab legs but won't eat fruits and veggies. I particularly like these lines. It describes it perfectly. Rarely will such a child eat just any old white bread or any old peanut butter—no, it has to be from a certain place and cannot be altered or improved in any way. Selective eaters may “burn out” on certain foods they formerly favored and find new (equally appalling) substitutes “just make her sit there, she’ll eat when she gets hungry enough”. Oh no she/he won’t. Absolutely not. At the risk of having to be quite graphic, I need to leave those of you who believe such children can “branch out” if they “have to”, with this thought: what would it take to convince you to eat dog excrement? See what I mean? Likely if you were forced to, you would gag and vomit—exactly what many of these children do when presented with food outside their range. |
Anonymous
| Let it go. He's well within normal limits and even eats vegetables. We parent - and stepparent - the kids we have not the ones we imagined. |
Anonymous
I love these blog posts, thanks for linking to them. I have a selective eater who is almost 13. He's been this way since we introduced solids, basically. No matter how many times we presented a food, it was usually rejected. As the blogger notes, he would happily starve himself rather than eat something that wasn't in his repertoire. Every once in a great while, he will consent to try the smallest of nibbles, and even more rarely, that small nibble leads to a new food being added to his list. Yet he is of normal height and weight and appears to be glowing with health. One way he differs from the kids described in the blog post is that his repertoire isn't composed mostly of junky foods. He will eat most meats, chicken, and salmon, but never sauced or mixed with other foods, and often not if it was cooked by someone other than me or DH, and not if it somehow looks or smells unfamiliar. He eats clementines (but not oranges), applesauce (but not apples), pears, pineapple, grapes, strawberries, bananas under duress (but likes them in smoothies). He eats green peas fresh or frozen, green beans and sugar snap peas from our garden only (not frozen, not canned), and steamed broccoli and cauliflower (fresh not frozen). He drinks soy milk, won't touch cow's milk. Loves a yogurt smoothie, but won't eat yogurt. Will eat a cheese quesadilla with a minimal amount of cheddar cheese, but no other cheese passes his lips. He will eat black beans and pinto beans. He eats plain white bread, wheat bread if it is toasted. No butter on anything, ever. He loves all manner of desserts and munchies, especially (go figure) hot salsa (?) and tortilla chips. Will not eat any type of pasta or rice. He may be the only child in America who has never had mac & cheese in any form. So all in all, it's a pretty good diet. But in order to feed him, I generally have to make sure our meals are a plain form of protein and plain broccoli, cauliflower, or peas (or that they can be deconstructed into this form) (and unless it's summer and I have garden beans), and a starch on the side (for the rest of us; he gets a slice of bread). It drives my older child, who is something of a foodie, stark raving mad, LOL. BUt we usually do okay at home and we have some restaurants we know are "safe." The hardest thing is eating at other people's houses. He gags and vomits if forced to eat something he doesn't want, but feels bad/guilty if he doesn't eat what the host prepares. All this is to say: OP, your SS is fine. Really. Let it go. |
Anonymous
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You are not required to make him food he likes every day. He is 13. My 7yo can make his own sandwiches. Your SS can fix himself something if he doesn't like what's on the table, and he can make his own plate if he doesn't want the offensive veggies on it. Stop catering.
Also, why doesn't your husband make the special meals? It's his kid. |
Anonymous
OP here. This is great!! Thank you. This definitely sounds like my SS. Most of what I previously found on picky eating said that it was a little-kid phase and that they would outgrow it ... and since that hasn't happened by 13, I was concerned. This selective eating thing makes much more sense to me. Anyway, I appreciate all the perspectives, although I don't really relate to those of you who seem to think I'm nuts for being concerned. I mean, he eats 20 things out of the 1000s of foods out there. It means he doesn't eat what his friends eat. It means that he doesn't eat one thing on a traditional Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter menu, except for plain green beans. It has meant that when on vacation, visiting family, and in other countries and cultures, I have to make sure I find the specific foods he eats and prepare them separately because he will not eat what is being served (because we don't all eat burgers and chicken nuggets, right??). Food is a big part of life! His eating impacts his life, and I do consider that above my own inconvenience. Also, I understand that anorexia/bulimia/other serious eating disorders are a big deal and that picky eating isn't comparable to that. I didn't mean to make light of serious eating disorders by using the term (although it appears that in fact, selective eating is something that is considered by eating disorder specialists, so maybe not completely off-base?). And about being embarrassed ... people are judgmental! Family members are judgmental. Waiters in restaurants are judgmental. I myself am judgmental (and have kinda blamed his mom for this). So I am now seeing this as an opportunity for understanding and growth for me. Ha. |
Anonymous
However, not allowing lettuce or pickles on the plate... That is abnormal at 13. OP. I've learned to do things like cook one meal, but parts served separately, so the eggplant doesn't get tossed into the pasta until we are each at our place. kid can take a pass on eggplant. I do wonder if this kid gets enough fiber and would suggest a supplement if leaves and brown grains don't cross his lips. |
Anonymous
There's a range. Picky eating isn't considered an eating disorder. Extreme selective eating to the extent that the child isn't getting enough calories to gain and grow, or nutrition is otherwise impacted (and can't be remedied by a simple vitamin/mineral supplement) could be an eating disorder called ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). ARFID is a very serious eating disorder, as serious as anorexia nervosa. It can have similar bad outcomes and can last longer and be harder to treat. But if your step son is able to get enough calories to maintain weight I don't think it rises to the level of being diagnosed as ARFID. Especially because it sounds like he's eating a good bit of meat. Now, if he ever drops the meat, you might find over time his pickiness solidifies even more. In my experience often kids get worse and worse when the go vegetarian. (Not that all vegetarian kids turn out to have problems eating -- not at all! But if you are a picky eater AND a vegan/vegetarian you are going to have a really tough time getting all your necessary nutrients in). |
Anonymous
Damn, lady - the kid eats enough stuff, he is not 'disordered'. Do you really have to write a huge book about it? You're into food , he's not. Just make him comfortable when he's with you and stop overanslyzing EVERYTHING under the sun. If you don't want to feel like a short order cook teach him to make some simple meals himself to enjoy at the same time you are eating some complicated creation. Pop tarts and Lunchables is not 'ignorant'. And frankly a 13 year old boy is not a baby so I assume he's there for some of the grocery shopping and he picks these things. |
Anonymous
It's really not that hard. I've been a vegetarian since I was 4 years old and I've always managed to get enough nutrients in without that much planning. It's been 40 years and I've had few problems and have plenty of energy for work and regular physical exercise. Sometimes Americans overestimate what they need to eat versus what they are used to eating. Throw in some nuts, beans and good fats (avocado, cheese, ) every so often and you're doing ok. Though for someone like me it's too bad all of the milk is pasteurized as that kills all of the B vitamins that naturally occur in milk. |
Anonymous
| DD is picky, now she doesn't want to take vitamins! Sometimes she acts like I am poisoning her, unbelievable. During summer I am going to back off on asking her to eat breakfast but for school, I think it's important to eat breakfast. DD is 8, I hear all the girls talking about weight. |