Steel Magnolias

[Anonymous]

Condolences to OP. I recently went through the same while DH was out of town. It is so hard to do no matter what, and more difficult to do alone.

Take time to grieve for a few weeks (at least) before you jump into a new dog. I stopped crying a few days after we got our dog's ashes back and could really say good-bye to her.

After that, I really recommend going the shelter route. If you have a breed in mind, search for it on petfinder.com I was the OP on a long thread about shelter dogs earlier in the week. Looking for a new dog who desperately needs us has helped immensely in the grieving process.

Hang in there. Sometimes when you look at yourself from the outside, you can't believe how strong you really can be.

[Anonymous]

PP here again - forgot to mention one very important thing - take some time for yourself. I took a sick day to grieve - the kids were with the nanny so I didn't have to care for anyone but myself. It doesn't matter what's going on at work - your dog was a family member and you need that time for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Condolences to OP. I recently went through the same while DH was out of town. It is so hard to do no matter what, and more difficult to do alone.

Take time to grieve for a few weeks (at least) before you jump into a new dog. I stopped crying a few days after we got our dog's ashes back and could really say good-bye to her.

After that, I really recommend going the shelter route. If you have a breed in mind, search for it on petfinder.com I was the OP on a long thread about shelter dogs earlier in the week. Looking for a new dog who desperately needs us has helped immensely in the grieving process.

Hang in there. Sometimes when you look at yourself from the outside, you can't believe how strong you really can be.

Gosh, how do you people act when a real human being from your family dies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sad for you, rude PP. Not 'cause you're rude. 'Cause you're dead inside.

OP, a memorial at the death of any family member-- two feet or four-- is a wise and loving thing. Teaching the kids about death and grieving is important. So that was energy well-spent, IMO.

I so agree.

The loss of our family's pet was my son's first experience with death and grieving. I watched him tenderly pet him during his final breaths. We all cried at the moment that we realized he died. My son was able to say goodbye to our pet who he so dearly loved. A few years later, we still remember him. My larger lesson as a mom is that I had raised a very, kind and loving boy.

It's a pity that some view life as just a disposable incident.

That's how people here are acting. The pet dies and they go look for another one. Who goes in search of a new grandparent when the first one dies?

[Anonymous]

I don't think that's what people are doing at all. PEts are loved family members and people grieve their loss. SOme people are mocking that grief. HOwever, to then go out and get another pet does not deserve mocking as well. Would you suggest that people have 1 dog their entire life, and once that dies they should not 'replace' it with another?

Some people love having a dog in their home and raising their children to have pets. When a pet dies, some people need years before they can think about getting another one. Some people do not need as long. Nobody is "replacing" the beloved old pet, but adding a new one to their family. Just as some people date a month after becoming a widow and some take years, every grieves differently. Why disparage that?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you already have a new dog in mind but in case not, there are four adorable lab/chow puppies at the Washington Animal Rescue League who you can see on the puppy cam today: http://media.myfoxdc.com/puppycam/warl.html They're adorable!

Sorry you had to lose your dog, OP. I know how hard it is and what a hole it leaves in your heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here again - forgot to mention one very important thing - take some time for yourself. I took a sick day to grieve - the kids were with the nanny so I didn't have to care for anyone but myself. It doesn't matter what's going on at work - your dog was a family member and you need that time for yourself.

I'm another poster here trying to be sympathetic. After all, I'm drawn to this thread by the suggestion that at the end of the day, men just don't have what it takes to hold themselves and their families together in tough situations. I have found this too. I think we're wired better to withstand hardships to ensure the survival of our offspring.

I also understand that some people have strong feelings for their pets. I'm not a pet person myself, but I'll accept it. I do wonder about justifying a day off of work because I, myself, can't equate this with the death of a human family member, though it certainly is a shame and hard on kids. Maybe the poster is senior enough that she doesn't have to justify her absence to anyone. If not, I would have a hard time accepting it as a family leave situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel you. My son lost his goldfish (a GOLDFISH, people), and was absolutely devastated. It was awful. And I was the one who dealt.

His dad gets questions like, "Can I have ice cream?"

I get, "Why do we die?" and "What's the difference between sex and sexuality?"

[Anonymous]

OP here again.

I am about to make the fatal DCUM mistake of explaining, but here it goes:

We were told six months ago that our very elderly large breed dog, who was already 14 even though the breed normally lives to 10 or 12, had a degenerative condition for which there was no cure or treatment.

As part of preparing for his death, and explaining it to the kids, we did commit to get another dog. We (I, of course) picked the breeder out six months ago and they agreed to give us first pick of the litter when we were ready, whenever that might be. Yesterday, my devastated DH picked that time, and I was not going to tell him no.

If you could have seen my six year old's grief-filled face this morning, I hope you would not have told her it was just some old dead dog who should've been left in a ditch to rot.

The way we roll in my family (and DH's), pets are part of the family.

Getting a new pet is NOT a replacement, anymore than having another child after losing one is a replacement. There has been a lot of conversation about this at my house - about how the new puppy may even HATE things our old dog loved. Some of you may hate the child-pet analogy, but a lot of people honestly do feel there is validity to it.

We viewed the dog as our first child, in the way that many people do before they have kids. This was not an easy loss.

My six year old knows about human loss, too. The one thing she rememebrs from my gradnmother's "sad party" (funeral) is that she "helped" grandma (my mom) by giving her a great big hug because she was so sad.

I did not take a day off work, but wished I could have. I am senior enough to do it if I do not have something active. I do have something VERY active.

My post WAS about more than my dog. It was about women as glue. The dog was just the context, not the point.

That's it. Flame away.

[Anonymous]

No flames. I'm a PP and behind you 100%.

[Anonymous]

Our dogs are not "just" dogs either, OP. I'm sorry for your loss!

[Anonymous]

OP, I understood and greatly appreciated your original post, both on the "dog" level and on the broader, "women as glue" level. My husband is a wonderful man and great father and a very actively contirbutes both to parenting and to housework and other life-management stuff... but he too misses many of the little details that hold everything together at the end of the day, and those fall to me. And I am ok with that 99% of the time. But I have warned him that when our dog (my first "baby") dies, I will be a wreck...

I am sorry about the loss of your dog, and I think you are doing a great job of working through that grief with your children and husband. I wish you the best of luck with your new puppy, and I echo other posters in hoping that you get to take some time for yourself to grieve.

[Anonymous]

We are the glue (or the yummy, gooey filling) to the family. I have a 17 year old cat and a part of me really thinks he will live forever. As I'm 31, this cat has been my family well before my husband and I will be devastated when the little b@stard dies. I will not be any glue for anyone and will not think twice about experiencing my feelings whatever they are.

However, I have found that my husband has really surprised me with his ability to step in when I need him to. For other things, it's all me.

[Anonymous]

This is 15:19 again. I just want to say I wish I could express myself as well as 14:58. She said what I meant much more eloquently.

[Anonymous]

Well said, OP. I totally understand. Our pets are our family members and will be devastated when they die. We plan to have them cremated, also.

To the rude poster . . . no one asked your opinion. Your response was rude, lacked compassion or empathy, and was non-responsive to OP's question. Please go away and keep quiet.