Can anyone convince me to call my mother?

[Anonymous]

Once a week is completely reasonable. I might tell her that 10 am isn't going to be a great time every week, but you will promise to call her every weekend.

[Anonymous]

We Skype with my in laws every Sunday around 630. My MIL is super respectful and always waits for me to text her and confirm it, but it's a standing date. If we can't do it we - gasp, wait for it - TELL HER that time doesn't work that week and suggest another.

You sound pretty insufferable, OP.

[Anonymous]

op: I think she wants to re-create the relationship she had with her mother, in which she was powerless, and now she'll get to be the one in power. This way she'll get rewarded for the effort she made. Grandma used to hang up on her, gullt her for not visiting more, that type of thing. My mom and I had a good relationship until my son's illness. He was in the hospital for about 3-4 months the year before last. We have repaired a lot of the damage to our relationship, but it is still tense.

[Anonymous]

You should call her when you feel like you want to talk to her. If you want to keep an internal schedule and try to call her once a week, try NOT to do it at the same time and day every time because she will come to expect it. Do not agree to an "appointment," because she will give you grief the first time (and every time) you have to miss it, even if you let her know ahead of time. And you *will* miss one eventually, because you have three kids and that's just the way it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op: I think she wants to re-create the relationship she had with her mother, in which she was powerless, and now she'll get to be the one in power. This way she'll get rewarded for the effort she made. Grandma used to hang up on her, gullt her for not visiting more, that type of thing. My mom and I had a good relationship until my son's illness. He was in the hospital for about 3-4 months the year before last. We have repaired a lot of the damage to our relationship, but it is still tense.

Harking back to Adult Orphan, I was a teen orphan. I found it odd, but sweet, when friends called their mothers. I often wondered if I had a mother at that age would we be calling each other? How often? The whole drama you are describing was not in the range of things I thought about.

I would simply demur when she mentions a set schedule. Just for the heck of it, I'd call her on a Tuesday morning one week and a Wednesday afternoon on another. Often enough so she couldn't complain, but not on a set schedule.

Sorry about your DS. The older I get, the more I realize some people just are not good at dealing when things are down. Life is short. Silently forgive them and move on. Having parents is a blessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was required to call her mom (my grandmother) 7 days a week, always at 7 pm, for many years, until Grandma died at age 95. It seemed like my mom dreaded this obligation, and Grandma was livid if she was one minute late. I don't want to fall into this pattern. Talking to my mom stresses me out. She is requesting that I call her every Sunday at 10 am. I have 3 dcs, one with serious medical problems. My mom and dad are healthy. Thoughts?

OP you're a grown up with three kids.

Stop acting like a little child and make up your own damn mind what you want to do. Then do it.

[Anonymous]

I enjoy talking with my mom. I call her about 3 times a week to just "talk" we have a great relationship. I would probably not call her that often if it felt like an obligation. I speak to my Dad about once a month and we have nothing to talk about... Since he loves money, I usually send him a little $$ for this and that, then just call "to confirm" he received it.

I dread calling my in-laws. They are very repetitive and self centered. They don't understand not everyone can be on the phone for 1 + hours (listening to nonsense)

[Anonymous]

I love my mom and I talk to her throughout the week, sometimes more than at other times. But to *have* to be at home at 7pm every night of the week so I can call her? Oh, hell no.

What if you have to work late? What if your kid has an evening soccer game? What if your friend wants to go out to a movie or dinner?

No way would I start up some sort of dreaded phone call obligation like that. Your grandma...Wow. And for your mom to put up with that, holy cow. Break the cycle.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do a standing time, but you call her, she calls you, chat when you feel like it.

[Anonymous]

Here's my strategy for my mother, who is less into conversation, and more into an I can't get a word in edgewise monologue. I will call, and more than an hour later, she is still talking furiously, and I haven't said more than ummhmm. I say, mom, I really need to go, and she just keeps talking over me. There is just no way to get off the phone in under 90 minutes short of hanging up mid sentence. And since I'm a WOHM FT job, active kids, I don't have the time every week.

So, I started calling her during my morning commute once a week. I wait to call until I am about 15-20 minutes from the office. I put her on speakerphone and just tune her out while I drive. Once I get to the office, I do the mom, I'm pulling into the parking garage and going to lose the signal any second. Love you bye thing. I feel much less resentful, because this is wasted time anyway. And I am much more likely to do it if I can keep the conversation to under 20 minutes.

[Anonymous]

I would never agree to a standing appointment. And I say this as an orphan. Besides, 10 am sunday is prime family time. She is no longer your nuclear family. She is extended family. If she is going to be annoying, she can get a call once a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was required to call her mom (my grandmother) 7 days a week, always at 7 pm, for many years, until Grandma died at age 95. It seemed like my mom dreaded this obligation, and Grandma was livid if she was one minute late. I don't want to fall into this pattern. Talking to my mom stresses me out. She is requesting that I call her every Sunday at 10 am. I have 3 dcs, one with serious medical problems. My mom and dad are healthy. Thoughts?

Serious question. - did you ever tell your mom how dumb she was? Really who does this? And she was livid if she called one minute late? So what? The whole scenario makes me laugh and think that your mom is a complete sucker.

[Anonymous]

We FaceTime with MIL every Sunday. Usually sometime between 4-7. Some weeks we miss and either catch her during the week or not until next weekend. After we talk toMIL, we FaceTime my parents, again if we catch them, great if not the same thing as MIL. I also keep a photo thread for my parents that they can see pics of the kids. My siblings also keep photo threads for my parents of their kids.

[Anonymous]

My mom gets 3 calls a year. Birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op: I think she wants to re-create the relationship she had with her mother, in which she was powerless, and now she'll get to be the one in power. This way she'll get rewarded for the effort she made. Grandma used to hang up on her, gullt her for not visiting more, that type of thing. My mom and I had a good relationship until my son's illness. He was in the hospital for about 3-4 months the year before last. We have repaired a lot of the damage to our relationship, but it is still tense.

Don't agree to a set time but let her know you'll try to call her once a week. Do your best to keep the calls short. Put the kids on the phone when you're done talking, and that will lead to the end of the conversation.
Why did your relationship get damaged when your son was hospitalized?