Younger daughter wants to move into bigger siblings room since he is away at college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he come home for breaks and summer vacation? If not, let him know that you are giving his room to his sister and ask him if it's o.k. for you to move his stuff out of the room. If he wants to do it himself, he'll need to get it done over Spring Break or the beginning of summer.

Yes he comes home for breaks and holidays - i'm thinking after this summer might be a good time.

Yep. I would give him a heads up that it is happening, but no reason for your youngest to not enjoy the bigger room.

[Anonymous]

Agree that she should have the room. It also demonstrates respect for your youngest.

Tell your college aged child that during spring break he needs to pack up anything private in boxes. Ask him what color he wants his new room.

The rest will be done during the spring and that when he returns at the end of the semester he will be in your daughters room.

[Anonymous]

If he is in a dorm then her old room will be a luxury and you can convert it into a guest room for the few moments he comes back. My DD is in her second year at college. She goes to her BF's house (a sunny state)for every break including a month of freshman summer. This summer she isn't coming home because she has research and we are paying for an apartment plus she is moving into a better apartment mid summer. Face it, your son is an adult and he has essentially grown up and moved on.

[Anonymous]

By not allowing the youngest to have the room, you are sending the message to her that birth order matters. It is more important for the oldest to keep a large vacant room than for the youngest to have the space she needs. That her voice does not matter.

As long as you are OK with the message you are sending to your daughter - it is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you ask your DS's feelings. He doesn't get veto power (it's your house), but if my parents had taken away my room when I first went to college, I would have been heartbroken and felt like they were kicking me out of the family.

But he might not care, so ask!

he cares

Why does he care? You might want to reflect on why rooms matter so much to your children.

Who is in charge?

[Anonymous]

It's too late for you, but as the youngest of three, I am glad my parents made a plan when we moved into our house. The three kids' bedrooms were really uneven: one large, one medium, one small. We agreed to assign them by order of age, until the eldest left for college. At that point, middle child had the choice of moving up but chose to remain in medium room. I got to move up to the big room, which was vastly better than the little closet of a room that I had been in.

At this point, I'd be gentle with your college student but make the transition happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she should be able to move as soon as he goes away. Redecorate both.

you said she's the baby in the family. Are there other kids? Was the youngest always sharing or stuck with the smallest?

middle child has a bigger room too. problem is the older kids see their room as theirs.

Do you hold the deed to the house or do they?

All the rooms are yours. Distribute as you see fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she should be able to move as soon as he goes away. Redecorate both.

you said she's the baby in the family. Are there other kids? Was the youngest always sharing or stuck with the smallest?

middle child has a bigger room too. problem is the older kids see their room as theirs.

Do you hold the deed to the house or do they?

All the rooms are yours. Distribute as you see fit.

+1

You allowed them to have this point of view.
How do you want your children engaging with and treating each other in the future? Is the oldest always enabled and getting his way? At the cost of the youngest in some form?
This behavior and treatment of each other will not change unless you do something.

Go read a few threads of family relationships - ask yourself how do you want your children to treat each other in the future? Do you want your youngest to be the one saying that her oldest brother always got his way and still does?

[Anonymous]

How big is the room difference? My mom kept all 4 of our bedrooms the same and I loved coming home. It was still home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she should be able to move as soon as he goes away. Redecorate both.

you said she's the baby in the family. Are there other kids? Was the youngest always sharing or stuck with the smallest?

middle child has a bigger room too. problem is the older kids see their room as theirs.

Problem is, older kid doesn't pay the mortgage! Gone to college means you get down-sized

[Anonymous]

I was younger than my brother by 7 years and younger than my sister by 5 years. They had the two nearly equal bigger rooms and I had the enlarged closet. When my brother went to college, he was told that when he entered his sophomore year, we would switch rooms. So he had freshman year, spring break and the summer after spring break in his room, then we would be switching. It worked out fine because starting the second summer, he was working close to college (which was only 30 minutes away) and didn't come home for the summer, just came home some weekends, just like during school. When he came back, he still had his old bed and the belongings that were left at home, but they were in the smaller room, while I had the bigger bedroom. The extra summer made for a nice transition, kind of his last time actually living at home instead of coming home to visit.

[Anonymous]

We moved our daughter into my son’s larger room when he went to college. We painted and redecorated both rooms so they essentially “switched” rooms. The thinking was that our son would not be living at home for an extended period of time once he graduated from college. He did return home, but not for long.
It is no big deal, really. The one in college really can’t “lay claim” to the bedroom - it happened to be the one that he/she lived in, but never really “belonged” to that kid. Unless, of course, the kid was the one paying the mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see how it's fair to keep the youngest in the smallest room when the other room isn't even occupied. In our house, the younger had the smaller room until the older kids were gone. It's only fair. Younger kids get a lot of hand-me-downs.

+1 My brother was the youngest and had a bedroom less than half the size of mine and my older sister's. When she left for college he got her room and when sis came home to visit she used the smaller room. Not a big deal and definitely the fairest way to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By not allowing the youngest to have the room, you are sending the message to her that birth order matters. It is more important for the oldest to keep a large vacant room than for the youngest to have the space she needs. That her voice does not matter.

As long as you are OK with the message you are sending to your daughter - it is fine.

Yup. And they will carry this attitude into other family dynamics.

I'm the youngest who was given the cruddiest room. My brother and sister were four and six years older and their rooms sat there empty throughout my childhood years. It was ridiculous and yes my older siblings are entitled and still treat me poorly.

Now my sisters oldest is moving away to college and her brother wants her room (twice the size) and her parents said no because my niece said she wouldn't come home for breaks if they have away her room.

[Anonymous]

My youngest sister moved into my much larger room when I left for college and it was nbd. Her old room was turned into a guest room and I stayed there when I came home-which was twice. After that I stayed in the city where I was going to school.