Help me I'm an awful person!

[Anonymous]

Are you Mary from Downton Abbey?

[Anonymous]

I think if you can learn to accept your negative feelings and not condemn yourself for having them, you'll find they don't torture you so much.

[Anonymous]

Its normal to feel envy. But you're u need to find ways to manage it healthfully. Therapy really could be productive.

[Anonymous]

This is OP.I feel awful. I wish I could be a 100% happy for my sister the way she was for me when I got married. She's a great girl and deserves the best.

[Anonymous]

You'll lose your sister, OP. Poor (in comparison) relatives tend to vanish from rich people's lives. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Lesson is, don't marry your first boyfriend.
I suggest individual therapy or divorce before you have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'll lose your sister, OP. Poor (in comparison) relatives tend to vanish from rich people's lives. Sorry.

OP here. I reallly reallly don't want to do that. How can you maintain a relationship with a family member who inherits wealth while you're "poor" yourself? How can I overcome my feelings of envy and jealousy and inadequacy to still be genuinely in her life 100%?

[Anonymous]

I would suggest working on your own life and ways to improve it. Believe me, you don't know this guy. He's not perfect and right now it's the honeymoon stage. Every marriage has problems, she will have hers. Hopefully it works out for her, but you and your husband can make job choices or move somewhere more affordable to save and purchase a home.

I would concentrate on these items.

[Anonymous]

Please go to therapy before you have kids. Your jealousy, and your feelings of inadequacy, will poison your own kids happiness.

I also recommend a daily meditation practice.

Peace.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can guarantee you that this guy is not as fantastic as you claim.

[Anonymous]

I think what you feel about your sister is ok. A little envy is not bad. On the other hand what you are feeling about your husband/marriage is not healthy.

The grass will always seem greener on the other side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You'll lose your sister, OP. Poor (in comparison) relatives tend to vanish from rich people's lives. Sorry.

OP here. I reallly reallly don't want to do that. How can you maintain a relationship with a family member who inherits wealth while you're "poor" yourself? How can I overcome my feelings of envy and jealousy and inadequacy to still be genuinely in her life 100%?

Seriously, you have to adopt releasing envy as a spiritual practice. You have discovered its challenge for you and how serious it is - #1 of all the deadly sins! It is serious for everybody. You will gain a lot, personally and in character and wisdom that you can pass along, from tackling this challenge.

That said, the fortune of your sister is also the fortune of all her family. You can all benefit from her husband's connections, perspective, good will. You are not outside looking in, really, but potentially coming into the fold (unless you take an envious attitude). You will benefit more if you can appreciate them and love them as the lovable people they are, and not see dollar signs coming between you every time you interact.

[Anonymous]

Until you're making a salary you can support a family on, it's not fair to criticize your husband for not doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Your feelings are your feelings. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you feel. Given your background and everything, of course you feel that way. It's totally understandable.

The fact is that they are in a very honeymoon type period and things are certain to get more complicated and less rosy. Huge money does not lead to perfect lives, so remind yourself of that.

Your life is your life and her life is hers. This is a long game. And nobody knows how ANYTHING will really turn out. If lucky, you might get to indulge in some pretty great vacations/experiences/gifts. If so, great for you.

Maybe try to mentally mark one thing each night or morning that you love about your husband. What you focus on, you get more of so focus on gratitude for your situation. This is easier for some people than others, but you can work on this trait.

I applaude you for writing the post. The most important thing is not to diminish the importance or validity of your feelings - they are your feelings and they are valid simply for being your feelings. The more you fight them and deny them or apologize fro them, the more they will rule you.

You sound like a great person, honestly. I would be happy to know you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, are you hotter than your sister?