I am not sure I can live with my son anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is going to sound completely random and may not be helpful.

But I have been reading some of the books my kids read, just to see what they're learning/thinking, and because I sometimes really like the books. I just read Judy Blume's "Here's to you Rachel Robinson." The protagonist (a 13 year old) has an older brother who sounds a little like your son. The book is partly about the huge extent to which his issues dominate and disrupt family life in his house and cause everyone a lot of stress. Of course, because it's Judy Blume, it's somewhat resolved by the end (not entirely.) And of course, because it's Judy Blume, she doesn't really go into that much depth. But it got me thinking about the various ways other people in the family contribute to one member's obnoxiousness. The ways in which it's really hard to give someone new chances if you live together and are seeing each other several times a day, every day.

Have you considered family therapy? So the family dynamics as a whole could be addressed?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like ODD

[Anonymous]

Look, if the child is only acting up at home, then the issue is within the parents. He isn't acting up at school because there is structure, authority and consequences

[Anonymous]

OP:

1. Family counseling, learn to work together to minimize issues and learn to handle them better when they inevitably happen
2. Psychologist (not just a counselor) for your son, and ask for a diagnosis and/or referral to a psychiatrist.
3. Follow up on the diagnosis, and learn to work with him, not against him, while he learns to do the same.
OR
4. Diagnosis and medication with psychiatrist, with behavioral and emotional support continuing with the psychologist.
5. Find a counselor or psychologist for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, if the child is only acting up at home, then the issue is within the parents. He isn't acting up at school because there is structure, authority and consequences

Not true. Plenty of kids hold it together at school and fall apart at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YES! Psychiatrist - stat. There is so much that might be able to help medication-wise. Also I would try a new therapist if the current one is not helping. Research DBT - which can be very effective with oppositional teens. Rathbone and Associates in Bethesda does DBT.

You have been mis-using this term, all over DCUM......

[Anonymous]

What age was he when you think this really ramped up, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel your pain, OP. We have a 12 yr old DS who is outwardly wonderful at school and has friends, but can be a nightmare at home. Rude, obstinate and saying the meanest things, sometimes being physical, towards siblings and us. We have started seeing a family therapist and even though he won't attend (has gone twice), we are taking the lessons learned to try and modify our parenting style. The focus is on more positive parenting, so praising even the smallest good things he does (it's frustrating because you feel like this shouldn't be required of older kids) and trying to ignore the rudeness because responding to it tends to escalate the issue. When you have a kid like this, the traditional parenting rules go out the window and you have to adapt. Other parents who don't deal with this may look down on your approach, but you do what works for your family. Medication can also help to an extent, although we've been experimenting for years and haven't found much success yet. Good luck and you aren't alone.

Thanks this is kind and helpful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YES! Psychiatrist - stat. There is so much that might be able to help medication-wise. Also I would try a new therapist if the current one is not helping. Research DBT - which can be very effective with oppositional teens. Rathbone and Associates in Bethesda does DBT.

You have been mis-using this term, all over DCUM......

I've never used that word on DCUM before, but here is a definition:

STAT: A common medical abbreviation for urgent or rush. From the Latin word statum, meaning 'immediately.'
From here: http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/mobileart.asp?articlekey=5550

[Anonymous]

Many mental health conditions present in late teen years through the 20s as different pressures kick in and in some cases major life transitions just naturally occur with their added pressures such as applying to college, going to college, find a job, moving out of family unit etc. etc. You are correct in the advice to get a full diagnosis by a PhD level psychologist and then work this person or another psychologist if a specialty might be appropriate as one who works with teen boys whatever. Also, get the full evaluation from a psychiatrist on the medication end. Then the key is that the psychologist and psychiatrist stay in regular touch with review of your DS's progress so adjustments in meds can be made or a different approach taken depending on progress. Occasionally you may find a psychiatrist who also does therapy, but not usually.

Family counseling to know how to handle things and also to give siblings an outlet if DS is really monopo lizing the household is also key to validate their thoughts. Try to make time for all the kids as you can. Best approach is a combined approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YES! Psychiatrist - stat. There is so much that might be able to help medication-wise. Also I would try a new therapist if the current one is not helping. Research DBT - which can be very effective with oppositional teens. Rathbone and Associates in Bethesda does DBT.

You have been mis-using this term, all over DCUM......

Uhh.. clearly you're the one who has no idea what it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YES! Psychiatrist - stat. There is so much that might be able to help medication-wise. Also I would try a new therapist if the current one is not helping. Research DBT - which can be very effective with oppositional teens. Rathbone and Associates in Bethesda does DBT.

You have been mis-using this term, all over DCUM......

I've never used that word on DCUM before, but here is a definition:

STAT: A common medical abbreviation for urgent or rush. From the Latin word statum, meaning 'immediately.'
From here: http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/mobileart.asp?articlekey=5550

That's not a misuse-- she is saying get to a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Many mental health conditions present in late teen years through the 20s as different pressures kick in and in some cases major life transitions just naturally occur with their added pressures such as applying to college, going to college, find a job, moving out of family unit etc. etc. You are correct in the advice to get a full diagnosis by a PhD level psychologist and then work this person or another psychologist if a specialty might be appropriate as one who works with teen boys whatever. Also, get the full evaluation from a psychiatrist on the medication end. Then the key is that the psychologist and psychiatrist stay in regular touch with review of your DS's progress so adjustments in meds can be made or a different approach taken depending on progress. Occasionally you may find a psychiatrist who also does therapy, but not usually.

Family counseling to know how to handle things and also to give siblings an outlet if DS is really monopo lizing the household is also key to validate their thoughts. Try to make time for all the kids as you can. Best approach is a combined approach.

thanks this is helpful.

[Anonymous]

What are the consequences of this behavior? Does he have a cell phone, video games, or outside activities that get taken away? Do you make sure there are no electronics in his bedroom. Have you take the hinges off his door because he lost privacy?

Because I would never in a million years tolerate that mental/physical abuse you are allowing to take over your home. You need someone to come into the home, evaluate the entire situation and take over with advice/solutions. A home counselor. Similar to Super Nanny. I remember people posting recommendations here awhile back. Something went wrong somewhere and it needs to be fixed ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the consequences of this behavior? Does he have a cell phone, video games, or outside activities that get taken away? Do you make sure there are no electronics in his bedroom. Have you take the hinges off his door because he lost privacy?

Because I would never in a million years tolerate that mental/physical abuse you are allowing to take over your home. You need someone to come into the home, evaluate the entire situation and take over with advice/solutions. A home counselor. Similar to Super Nanny. I remember people posting recommendations here awhile back. Something went wrong somewhere and it needs to be fixed ASAP.

I am so glad you think you wouldn't tolerate the situation and that clamping down is the answer. Don't you think we tried that? Talk to me when you have a child in your life that might have a mental illness. It's nothing like the parenting books, or how we were parented, etc. could prepare you for. It is heartbreaking, overwhelming, and awful. And it is the judgement of people like you that make the whole thing that much more painful and isolating. It's easy to armchair quarterback. I did it myself before being in this situation. And let me tell you it is humbling like you cannot imagine.