I stopped cleaning up the house and haven't had a single fight with DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you weren't nagging him all weekend, that's why.

Some people dont' mind things messy. A good compromise is to get a cleaning person on a routine basis. THat's waht we do.

Luckily I don't have these issues in our house because we both like a clean and orderly house. DH is not asked to pitch in, he just cleans up as a member of the family. However, what you are suggesting here, I'm curious about.

So, if you don't clean, do you just leave all your dishes for the cleaning service? Do they come a few days a week? Do you throw your clothes after removing them for the day on the floor and have the cleaning service do it? If you mess the counters and spill things, do you just leave it? What about the trash, does someone take that out? Do the kids leave their toys whenever they want? Since you don't like cleaning, do you hold your kids to the same standard of just leaving it for the cleaning company? How many days a week do they come?

I ask this because although we are neat, we still have a cleaning company once a week. We do all own dishes, laundry, wiping of counters, run a broom vacuum when the floors get too dirty, keep the papers/bills organized, expect the kids to clean up after themselves, and generally put things away after we are done with them. SOMEBODY has to do that, at least in our house. And that SOMBEODY are the people who live in the house. When the cleaning company comes, they mainly just do the deep cleans that involve chemicals, mops, and scrub brushes.

In our hosue:

DH does dishes (due to timing of when we do dishes)
DH takes out trash
DW does kids and her clothes. DH does his own laundry
Kids are made to clean up their own toys.
Counter spills are cleaned by person who spilled
General wipedown by DW (since DH isn't bothered by it)

Ok, so how will getting a cleaner solve the OPS problem? Sounds Iike in your house people clean up after themselves. Maybe OP needs a daily housekeeper. You live in a normal house and clearly don't live in a pigsty.

If she's the only one doing any cleaning while the DH lays his fat ass on the sofa scratching his balls, then they need a housekeeper or the husband needs to grow up and be a part of the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

I was thinking the same thing. Like type B people want to live in filth? I'm pretty unmotivated and I scrub. I hate messes because they cause me more work. I'd rather clean as I go and not have to spend a Sunday cleaning. I'm lazy, so this is why I keep clean.

Idiotic comment regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

I don't live in a "filthy" house and I don't clean all the time either. Depends on your definition of "filthy" and "clean." DH and I split it up--and he is willing to do the work. I also think it is ok to hire things out. We vacuum once a week, dust once a month, and wipe down the bathrooms once a week. Do a basic kitchen clean once a week or wipe up spills and crumbs when we make them. We don't have lots of dust, or pee everywhere, or toothpaste spit hardening. The kitchen is basically clean. But, not eat off the floor clean. It was great when we could afford to have help, but can not afford it now that we are living in the DC area.

But--I am related to people (the people I refer to as Type A "scrubby people") who can not stand one speck of dust or crumb or hang out in their house more than a hour or so. During a kids party my SIL started freaking about the crumbs and started vacuuming in the middle of the party. I literally watched her freak out (and went to help so she could supervise the party instead!) Another woman I know--I can literally eat off her kitchen floor because she mops it every single day, and vacuums every single day. I can see nothing in her house that needs cleaning, but she insists it is filthy. My DH calls her "scrubby woman" in jest, which is where I picked up the term. Know several people like this and I hate going to their houses; yes, they look nice, but the sheer effort they put into cleaning non-stop is hard for me to be around, relax, and have fun.

If OP and her DH were fighting all the time about cleaning that does not sound like a fun life. Relaxing once in a while will help OP and not kill her. Her DH already does that, right?
And, maybe she and her DH can relax and find another way to keep things clean enough for both of them without fighting.

[Anonymous]

So who's going to be clean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

It depends. If you like things neat and tidy and clean I get it. If you like things neat and tidy and clean RIGHT FUCKING NOW then we wouldn't get along. At all.

DW and I will eventually get things tidied up, but neither of us are going to put everything on hold while the buckets and mops come out. Who cares if there are dirty dishes in the sink when we go to bed? They will be washed eventually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

I don't live in a "filthy" house and I don't clean all the time either. Depends on your definition of "filthy" and "clean." DH and I split it up--and he is willing to do the work. I also think it is ok to hire things out. We vacuum once a week, dust once a month, and wipe down the bathrooms once a week. Do a basic kitchen clean once a week or wipe up spills and crumbs when we make them. We don't have lots of dust, or pee everywhere, or toothpaste spit hardening. The kitchen is basically clean. But, not eat off the floor clean. It was great when we could afford to have help, but can not afford it now that we are living in the DC area.

But--I am related to people (the people I refer to as Type A "scrubby people") who can not stand one speck of dust or crumb or hang out in their house more than a hour or so. During a kids party my SIL started freaking about the crumbs and started vacuuming in the middle of the party. I literally watched her freak out (and went to help so she could supervise the party instead!) Another woman I know--I can literally eat off her kitchen floor because she mops it every single day, and vacuums every single day. I can see nothing in her house that needs cleaning, but she insists it is filthy. My DH calls her "scrubby woman" in jest, which is where I picked up the term. Know several people like this and I hate going to their houses; yes, they look nice, but the sheer effort they put into cleaning non-stop is hard for me to be around, relax, and have fun.

If OP and her DH were fighting all the time about cleaning that does not sound like a fun life. Relaxing once in a while will help OP and not kill her. Her DH already does that, right?
And, maybe she and her DH can relax and find another way to keep things clean enough for both of them without fighting.

This has nothing to do with type A or B. Many type A people (my very successful and driven husband) can live is squalor. I'm type B and hate messes. Due to a very successful type A husband, all problems are solved with a 20hrs a week 5 day a week housekeeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Awesome OP, sounds like you need some rest like your DH and most of the rest of us, except the type A "scrubby people."

Sounds like it is time to get a cleaner to come in every so often, if you can afford it.

So, if you are Type B you are ok living in a filthy house? What is your definition of filthy vs non "type A scrubby people"? I draw the line at seeing pee somewhere on the toilet; crusted toothpaste spit in the sink (mostly by kids); lots of dust; crumbs all over the floor (attracts ants/mice).

I don't live in a "filthy" house and I don't clean all the time either. Depends on your definition of "filthy" and "clean." DH and I split it up--and he is willing to do the work. I also think it is ok to hire things out. We vacuum once a week, dust once a month, and wipe down the bathrooms once a week. Do a basic kitchen clean once a week or wipe up spills and crumbs when we make them. We don't have lots of dust, or pee everywhere, or toothpaste spit hardening. The kitchen is basically clean. But, not eat off the floor clean. It was great when we could afford to have help, but can not afford it now that we are living in the DC area.

But--I am related to people (the people I refer to as Type A "scrubby people") who can not stand one speck of dust or crumb or hang out in their house more than a hour or so. During a kids party my SIL started freaking about the crumbs and started vacuuming in the middle of the party. I literally watched her freak out (and went to help so she could supervise the party instead!) Another woman I know--I can literally eat off her kitchen floor because she mops it every single day, and vacuums every single day. I can see nothing in her house that needs cleaning, but she insists it is filthy. My DH calls her "scrubby woman" in jest, which is where I picked up the term. Know several people like this and I hate going to their houses; yes, they look nice, but the sheer effort they put into cleaning non-stop is hard for me to be around, relax, and have fun.

If OP and her DH were fighting all the time about cleaning that does not sound like a fun life. Relaxing once in a while will help OP and not kill her. Her DH already does that, right?
And, maybe she and her DH can relax and find another way to keep things clean enough for both of them without fighting.

PP here. Well, I agree, then, those kinds of people are "scrubby people", but I am pretty type A, and I don't dust everyday; I do once/week as my DD has asthma and allergies so I try not to let the dust build up.

But, here's the thing. OP hasn't indicated how filthy the house now is. You made the assumption that OP had cleaned the house maybe a few days ago, a week ago.. etc..? Maybe it hasn't been cleaned in a month? I draw that line.

[Anonymous]

Messes are one of the primary things my H and I fight about. He likes things really neat. (I, on the other hand, like things really clean -- there's a difference. Like, he'll put away a dirty pot to avoid looking at it on the counter. Yuck.) I'd love to stop fighting about it. We already have cleaners that come 2x a month, but they don't put anything away or anything -- so it actually causes more stress because we all have to clean for the cleaners to come.
For those that keep recommending a daily housekeeper, how does that work? is there really someone that will come and just spend 1/2 hour or an hour a day putting everything away where it belongs and doing general clean-up? I would do that, but I always figured it isn't worth it unless you live in a mansion that takes hours and hours to clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Messes are one of the primary things my H and I fight about. He likes things really neat. (I, on the other hand, like things really clean -- there's a difference. Like, he'll put away a dirty pot to avoid looking at it on the counter. Yuck.) I'd love to stop fighting about it. We already have cleaners that come 2x a month, but they don't put anything away or anything -- so it actually causes more stress because we all have to clean for the cleaners to come.
For those that keep recommending a daily housekeeper, how does that work? is there really someone that will come and just spend 1/2 hour or an hour a day putting everything away where it belongs and doing general clean-up? I would do that, but I always figured it isn't worth it unless you live in a mansion that takes hours and hours to clean.

Yeah. We used to have a cleaning lady who came once a week. That actually felt like more work than not having a cleaning lady since we'd have to spend all evening the night before straightening and organizing so the cleaning lady could sweep and mop. I think that picking up and straightening took longer than the actual cleaning. And of course two days later you couldn't tell she'd even been there.

[Anonymous]

How do you trash a house in one day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Messes are one of the primary things my H and I fight about. He likes things really neat. (I, on the other hand, like things really clean -- there's a difference. Like, he'll put away a dirty pot to avoid looking at it on the counter. Yuck.) I'd love to stop fighting about it. We already have cleaners that come 2x a month, but they don't put anything away or anything -- so it actually causes more stress because we all have to clean for the cleaners to come.
For those that keep recommending a daily housekeeper, how does that work? is there really someone that will come and just spend 1/2 hour or an hour a day putting everything away where it belongs and doing general clean-up? I would do that, but I always figured it isn't worth it unless you live in a mansion that takes hours and hours to clean.

How does it take you 30 minutes to tidy things up? Barring chores like loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, and mopping/vacuuming, you should not be spending 30 minutes putting things away every day. I have little kids and tidying up everything, including toys, paints, dress-up costumes, etc, takes MAYBE 5-10 minutes maximum, and I'm not a naturally tidy person (ugh, DH is). I'm baffled, not trying to be snarky. Do you just have a lot of stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Messes are one of the primary things my H and I fight about. He likes things really neat. (I, on the other hand, like things really clean -- there's a difference. Like, he'll put away a dirty pot to avoid looking at it on the counter. Yuck.) I'd love to stop fighting about it. We already have cleaners that come 2x a month, but they don't put anything away or anything -- so it actually causes more stress because we all have to clean for the cleaners to come.
For those that keep recommending a daily housekeeper, how does that work? is there really someone that will come and just spend 1/2 hour or an hour a day putting everything away where it belongs and doing general clean-up? I would do that, but I always figured it isn't worth it unless you live in a mansion that takes hours and hours to clean.

How does it take you 30 minutes to tidy things up? Barring chores like loading/unloading the dishwasher, laundry, and mopping/vacuuming, you should not be spending 30 minutes putting things away every day. I have little kids and tidying up everything, including toys, paints, dress-up costumes, etc, takes MAYBE 5-10 minutes maximum, and I'm not a naturally tidy person (ugh, DH is). I'm baffled, not trying to be snarky. Do you just have a lot of stuff?

Not PP, but I think tidying up can take a long time if you let things pile up for too long, hence, I don't think this is going to go well for OP. I try to tidy up a little bit everyday. I still have little piles here and there, but they are not so big that I can't put it in a nice looking bin - kind of like a junk bin.

I don't make my kids clean up their toys everyday down in the basement. It's their playroom. I don't see it everyday as I don't go down there everyday. But, when I do make them clean up so that I can vacuum, it can take them 20minutes to clean up if there are little toys, papers and stuff from arts/crafts *everywhere*. When it takes them this long, the room is pretty trashed. So, if it takes someone 30minutes to tidy up, I'm assuming it's because there are piles of stuff everywhere, in every room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I fight every day and are miserable. This weekend, I did what he does-relax and do no housework. The house was trashed by the end of it, but we didn't fight at all. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Is a perpetually trashed house a price you're both willing to pay to avoid fighting?

I don't know...maybe!

NP and I am seriously thinking that, yes, it is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I fight every day and are miserable. This weekend, I did what he does-relax and do no housework. The house was trashed by the end of it, but we didn't fight at all. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Is a perpetually trashed house a price you're both willing to pay to avoid fighting?

I can't live in a pig pen or nest. DH is a hoarding mess and DS leaves trails of stuff where ever he goes. I'd have to leave for the weekend.