Encouraging different behavior in gift giving
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Anonymous
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Your mind may change once the baby is here. Have your DH handle his mom.
"Mom, we live in a small house and we have seen what has happened to our friends with children. We do not want to be drowning in baby gear and baby stuff. We love you and we love that you want to go out and buy so much, but we want to try to contain it. How about a membership to Gymboree." Or, if you will be visit in her often, have her set up her house with baby stuff to use when you are there. That way you won't have to cart everything to and fro. |
Anonymous
| I say thank you for everything. We keep what we like and donate the rest. If Giver asks where such and such is, I say we didn't have room for it or that it didn't work for us. Honesty is how we roll. |
Anonymous
| I swore my house wouldn't look like a daycare center, yet thanks to my parents it does. It's temporary though. My last will soon get all that crap moved into his room. Try to give up some of the control. That'll all be out the window anyway when your child gets their own likes/dislikes. Kids just love the plastic crap! |
Anonymous
| I hate how my ILs claim to be sooooooooogreen and brag about it all the time, then pull this shit. And oppose a solar farm near them, because NIMBY! |
Anonymous
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If your MIL says she wants to gift you a mattress, say that you've already picked out which one you're getting - there's no harm in being honest about that, as long as you aren't turning down every idea she has.
However, if she turns up with a mattress, say thank you. If she then proceeds into the nursery and sees you already own one, then reassure her that you can use hers as a travel mattress - we keep an extra around for travel, visiting guests, etc. |
Anonymous
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Also, don't most people ask before buying furniture? My grandma wanted to buy the crib, so she asked us to send us the link for the one we wanted. My ILs wanted to buy the dresser, so asked us what we wanted - FIL & DH brainstormed and picked it out together. Someone offered to get the rocking chair, but we had already picked up at a 2nd hand one, so they decided to get something else.
The people who didn't ask ahead of time were buying smaller items. OP, I think for the crib, you can let MIL know your plans - if she wants to buy the model you picked, that's great, if not, she can pick out something else to gift. It's not a big deal IMO. Saying we already have a crib picked out is not the same as turning away some one's sticker book as a birthday gift. I think it's fine, and what you would do if you had a normal relationship with MIL. |
Anonymous
| Get a registry for stuff you care most about! |
Anonymous
You'd be surprised. And I also think it might have something to do with income level/need. I'm the PP whose MIL would probably just buy whatever made sense to her at Costco. I'm pretty sure my SIL would happily receive that, since it's probably nicer than what she could otherwise afford (or might even have to take on CC debt for). We're in a financial situation that allows us the luxury to be picky, and we are. This doesn't always mean the most expensive. For example, we have an IKEA crib which I picked for having a very low profile to lift baby in and out and being made from non-toxic, sustainable materials. But I know that I wouldn't have wanted/liked a different crib, even if it were more expensive. I've noticed other friends making similar purchase decisions based on what's available at costco or on sale elsewhere. It's unfortunate, sometimes, because Costco isn't always the best deal or value for money. |
Anonymous
And cross your fingers that people follow it! |
Anonymous
No, they don't. |
Anonymous
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We each told our parents and other close loved ones exactly what we wanted, because this is the way it works in our families. We all want to give things that are truly wished for! For distant aunts and cousins, we accepted whatever they sent with gratitude that they even remembered. |
Anonymous
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OP I had this issue with my mother when I got married. She would buy me lots of things for the kitchen because she saw it on sale. Initially I accepted gratefully without a question but when I realized I didn't use a lot of the stuff she gave me I actually felt guilty that she was spending money on things that weren't actually being used. I did convey this to her and i'm sure her feelings were hurt at the time but I think she's over it and now she still gets us things but isn't hurt if I say- I already have this thing (so she can return it) or like you I have my particulars with BPA free etc and she knows that too.
Yes it's being a control freak but it's your life, your family and you are allowed to have your particulars. |
Anonymous
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OP, you're not going to fix this. I know. I've tried. With my own mother. You can make a registry, drop hint and even tell her outright that you already have something, but it will still happen. You'll have to learn to roll with it.
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Anonymous
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Agree with suggestion for Amazon list. Have a registry, and then post-child have a wish-list, and let people know about it.
If you get stuff you don't want, return if you can without them knowing, or donate. I also will say though that I agree with PPs who ask you to try to keep an open mind. I was *the same* as you and learned to loosen up with time. When my mother was here when baby was about 4 weeks old, she bought me desitin and I made her take it back because 'we don't use that'. Fast forward to our trip home for Christmas last year when baby was 11 months, when I asked my mum to buy EXTRA STRENGTH DESITIN in advance of our arrival. Ahhh how things change. In the end I just want my kid not to have a rashy bottom. You learn to adjust and pick your battles. Maybe this won't be as much of an issue as you think. All that said, I still use the lists and most people pull from them at gift-giving time. For those you don't, you can just address it on a case-by-case basis. We donate when possible. |
Anonymous
| OP, we have the same issue. My MIL loves to shop at yard sales and buys tons of crappy, old, falling apart, used toys for our toddler, even though we don't like used stuff due to the bad condition and risk of bed bugs. She also claims these are all "brand new toys" despite the fact that they have broken parts, paint chipping off, have yard sale stickers on them, etc. When we visit her she insists on packing our minivan full of this crap. Some of it we use outside in the yard but the rest we just donate and none of it comes inside. It irritates me that she keeps giving us this stuff, but we just accept, say thank you, and donate. She never remembers what she gives us anyway. She also gives us flame retardant pajamas even though she knows we only buy organic stuff. It's annoying. |