Encouraging different behavior in gift giving

[Anonymous]

When you are controlling it is hard to be in a relationship with someone who is impulsive. Bad combo. You both have to change a little for the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have the same issue. My MIL loves to shop at yard sales and buys tons of crappy, old, falling apart, used toys for our toddler, even though we don't like used stuff due to the bad condition and risk of bed bugs. She also claims these are all "brand new toys" despite the fact that they have broken parts, paint chipping off, have yard sale stickers on them, etc. When we visit her she insists on packing our minivan full of this crap. Some of it we use outside in the yard but the rest we just donate and none of it comes inside. It irritates me that she keeps giving us this stuff, but we just accept, say thank you, and donate. She never remembers what she gives us anyway. She also gives us flame retardant pajamas even though she knows we only buy organic stuff. It's annoying.

No one "insists" on putting anything into a vehicle that I own.

She continues this behavior because you allow it. You have written her a permission slip.

[Anonymous]

For big items for a first kid, I think it's fine to set some parameters. For example, rocking chairs, car seats, cribs, large loud toys, etc. Also, things that are deeply personal- for example, my MIL wanted to hang posters of saints in the baby's room and we nixed that. Try not to get your panties in a bunch over smaller things like little toys and clothing. Have your child wear it once for a picture if it's not your style or bring it with you when you visit. You can donate it after a year with no issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have the same issue. My MIL loves to shop at yard sales and buys tons of crappy, old, falling apart, used toys for our toddler, even though we don't like used stuff due to the bad condition and risk of bed bugs. She also claims these are all "brand new toys" despite the fact that they have broken parts, paint chipping off, have yard sale stickers on them, etc. When we visit her she insists on packing our minivan full of this crap. Some of it we use outside in the yard but the rest we just donate and none of it comes inside. It irritates me that she keeps giving us this stuff, but we just accept, say thank you, and donate. She never remembers what she gives us anyway. She also gives us flame retardant pajamas even though she knows we only buy organic stuff. It's annoying.

No one "insists" on putting anything into a vehicle that I own.

She continues this behavior because you allow it. You have written her a permission slip.

+1,000! Gettin' real tired of doormats complaining that their DH/MIL/DC/whomever "insists" on this or that. They can insist all they want; you can still set boundaries and say NO.

[Anonymous]

What a collection of fucking idiots continually posting these kinds of threads.

OP, surely your mother in law knows what a "gift receipt" is?

Tell her to be sure to include "gift receipts" with whatever she gets you in case you need to return it.

If she's offended, she can fuck off.

[Anonymous]

The only thing that has sort of worked for me, but this only has worked for gifts for myself, not for my kids, is to like things on facebook that are your taste. For instance, if you are into organic food, like an organic group on facebook and like the posts often. Then your ILs might get a clue about what your values are. Or just talk about your values in front of them.

[Anonymous]

First, accept the fact that you - like most first-time moms (me included) are slightly insane at the moment. Its OK, most people who remember what is it like, get it. But the whole we want the nursery to be perfect, and as we want it, will come across as insane to most people.

Second, the one thing it is pretty easy to say no to is items that are too large for your nursery or too large for your house. I asked relatives to please not get us anything large without asking. I may have come across as insane, but there again, most people accept it. And most understood.

Third, do you have a registry? If not, set it up now. Set up several. Not everyone will follow it, but the majority will.

As far as certain brands, organic, no gasses, etc, no one from a previous generation will understand or accept this. It is better just to accept the gift, and put it away. I say put it away, not give it away. Because you know what - that cheap pack of 24 footie pjs suddenly looks like a godsend when you realize your baby is going to pee, poop, and spit up all over them about every 30 minutes.