almost 6 weeks, losing my mind

[Anonymous]

Definitely the 'Fake it 'til you Make it' part of motherhood. But it WILL get better. So so SO much better that in a year you will probably be thinking about doing it all over again (which I know sounds bat-sh*t crazy right now.) Right now it's just about putting one foot in front of another until you eventually get to that happy place.

And don't feel bad or guilty that you're struggling and not enjoy motherhood right now. It's not talked about much, but you are in LOTS of company of Moms who wondered why they thought having kids was a good idea when their little one was a newborn. No shame in not liking this phase of parenting.

i love every part of this!!

[Anonymous]

Time for Bottle.

Done. End of story.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar situation - tried & tried to BF, couldn't get milk supply going. After many doctor visits, blood tests & consultations, I decided to go the formula route. I beat myself up over it, cried for days and days, and finally realized - hey, this is a lot easier and better for both of us! Within a week of formula feeding, I was over the BFing thing. The biggest bonus was that my husband took over all the nighttime feedings so that I could sleep (and he still does).

[Anonymous]

"Anyway, I'm still bf my 14 month old after lots of initial troubles, and my 3 year old bf now and then as well."

Eeew.

[Anonymous]

"losing my mind" is a red flag. A BIG one.

[Anonymous]

"Anyway, I'm still bf my 14 month old after lots of initial troubles, and my 3 year old bf now and then as well."

"losing my mind" is a red flag. A BIG one.

don't feed the troll, DCUM'ers!!

[Anonymous]

OP here. thanks to you all, especially to those who have been in the same place. i guess i did kind of want some validation on the formula/breastfeeding decision. we both cried hysterically for most of the half-hour after i posted this and it can't go on like that. what makes me the most sad about going to formula - and i think i am going to, at least in part, unless something changes dramatically very very soon - is that my son really does want to breastfeed. when it works, it is often the only thing that will calm him down. i just wish it worked well more often. maybe a partial switch will let me relax a little bit so the breastfeeding can improve...

and thank you, too, to the pp who said that right now it's all about faking it and that lots of new moms don't really enjoy it. i know that, but it still helps to hear someone else say it out loud.

as far as some of the other suggestions: i don't have anyone who can come help out. my mom is paid hourly so if she doesn't work, she doesn't get paid. we can't really afford a night nurse/post partum doula, and i don't have any local SAHM friends. nipple shields don't work but i have tried. i'm still trying the various carriers - we have the ergo, a moby, and a ring sling - and he's currently sleeping in the sling, so i have hope on that front.

the fussiness in general doesn't bother me so much - he is a baby, babies fuss. what does bother me is when the fussing and screaming is related to breastfeeding/him being hungry. i can mostly tell when it's hunger vs. needing to go to sleep but can't quite get there, needing to be changed, etc. all of the issues we've had with breastfeeding have just gotten into my head and made me paranoid about him eating. while i should be reassured because he is gaining at a really good pace now (and in fact gained 8oz between monday and friday last week), i still can't fully get over the thought that he's not getting enough to eat. bottles made it easy, especially since i learned early on that lots of wet and poopy diapers in the first 10 days didn't really mean all that much in our case.

thanks again - i think just getting all of this out really helped, as well as hearing that i'm not the only one. when i'm sitting home alone, it's all to easy to feel like i am the only one who has breastfeeding problems and isn't loving motherhood.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just went down a similar road with a few different twists. My second child is now almost 4 months old, and his first 6 weeks were sheer torture. I had a great experience BF my first child - never had an issue and continued through 9 months. But somehow with this one it just seemed doomed to failure. He had latch issues at first, and then once we got that resolved he remained inconsolable and miserable, with nonstop nursing. I had a mini-breakdown (sobbing in the grocery store) and we went to the ped, who watched him feed and immediately diagnosed reflux. The medicine helped only marginally at first and one desperate evening I bought every kind of formula in the grocery store in hopes that it might help. We then launched into the nonstop pumping world which lasted until I filled the freezer. Long story short (ish) - by 3 months he had pretty much ceased BF.

I know that we did the right thing; he's healthy and thanks to a mammoth dose of prevacid finally the happy baby that he's supposed to be by now. We are crazy bonded, in part because he only slept for the first few months in my arms. I'm all for BF, and used to be amazed that anyone would "choose" not to, but now I realize both my role as a mom and my child's development are so much more than how he feeds during his first few months.

A couple of specific tips from someone who's been in your shoes:

-- The LC at our ped's office gave me some phenomenal (prescription only) salve that saved my life during the early days when my son was chewing off my boobs, to use an unfortnately accurate description. See if the BF center can do the same for you. I don't remember the name but it had to be specially mixed at our pharmacy and could only be used for a short period.

-- Try laying off the pumping a bit. No person can care for a newborn and still pump 10x per day and stay sane - believe me, I know! It's heresy but try cutting back to a "mere" 3x per day or so. Yes, your supply may diminish some but as long as you're still expressing you'll keep producing. I pumped so frantically for a while that I just ran out of steam, and my only regret is that I didn't take a more laid back approach b/c if I had I might have been able to sustain 1 or 2 nursings or pumpings a day.

-- Formula can be your friend! Lots of PPs have already made this point and it's implicit in my own choices. Lots of us have done OK in life after starting off on formula and having now done things differently with my 2 boys I would swear it just doesn't matter to bonding or to their health.

-- Don't let yourself feel guilty about your feeding options or your feelings of resentment. Parenthood throws you for all kinds of loops and one of the lessons that I seem doomed to learn over and over again is that striving for "perfection" is a whole lot less relevant than just loving your kids as much as possible. And from your post, it's clear that you do. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about pumping exclusively? My son absolutely hated nursing and would scream bloody murder every time he had to breastfeed. After 15-20 minutes of fighting him with a breast shield, he would eventually settle down. Who knows the reason, but we were both frigging miserable. I would literally have to douse my breasts with prepumped milk to get him going (my husband and I called it starter fluid). It was horrible. So, after 8 weeks of this, I just gave up and pumped and gave him breast milk that way. Everyone was happier, even though I felt like a farm commodity. With regard to sleep, I pumped before I went to bed, once in the middle of the night and once when I woke up. After 8 months, I reclaimed my boobs and gave him formula but felt good about my compromise decision. Just another thought for another solution.

[Anonymous]

Same thing happened to me - my daughter was six weeks old, too. Made the decision to switch to the bottle...BEST thing I ever did. And actually, it was my mother (VERY pro-BF) that finally took my screaming daughter out of my lap while I was sobbing, took the baby downstairs, and gave her a bottle. Best gift my mother ever gave me. Everything was great after that...

Do what's best fo ryou and the little one. It's going to be ok... and you might consider getting some help here or there, too. That helped me.

[Anonymous]

I want to second the PP who said that lots of moms wonder why they wanted to have kids in those first six or eight weeks. I had to remind myself over and over again that I really wanted children and that I planned to have DS because those first six weeks were so hard. Now flash forward 9 months and I can't wait to have another one, because I love DS so much and he is such a happy, wonderful baby.

It really does get easier, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, where do you live? There are lots of neighborhood support groups (Mothers of North Arlington, Moms on the Hill...) filled with women who would be glad to help you get your sea legs. Life with a newborn is not a go-it-alone kind of thing -- reach out now, and pay the karma back to another struggling new mama a year down the road when you're a rockin,' rollin' expert. Which you will be, I promise.

[Anonymous]

If he can nurse happily at times, that gives me hope that those times will increase and the difficulty nursing sessions will decrease. Also, I had a baby with reflux who was very unhappy while nursing. Perscription Prevacid made all the difference after only about 48 hours on the medicine. My other babies nursed peacefully so I knew that it was just not right.

About having no friends to ask for help, try your local LLL meeting. Your situation is exactly why these meetings exist! You don't have to be isolated. Here's are links to local meetings:

LLL of Maryland, DC & Delaware
www.lllofmd-de-dc.org

LLL of Virginia:
http://www.lllvawv.org/groups.html

[Anonymous]

11:19 here. OP, just wanted to say it DOES GET BETTER, and quickly!! my DS is 16 weeks old now and we're doing great. i never would have thought i could be so blissfully happy 10 weeks ago when i was in your shoes, when i was so hormonal, felt so lonely & isolated, and wondering why i had ever thought of having children. now honestly i couldn't imagine life without my little angel bug. yes, there are still tough times but you learn to handle them.

:hugs: it gets better!! really, truly!!

[Anonymous]

My son is now 18 mos but i was exactly where you are and it is so, so hard. I was pumping after every feeding for weeks to keep up my supply. I also spent a small fortune on consultations. I did get some really good advice though: if you think you're ready to stop bf-ing wait three days and make sure you still feel the same way. if you do, then stop, if you've changed your mind then you're just not quite ready! I want to throw out one or two other possibilities that I experienced, though. Have you asked your Ped whether your child may have acid reflux or even a food allergy? That could explain a lot of the challenges you are experiencing. That was my situation - constantly fussy baby, only slept when being help, awake every 90 minutes til he was nearly 10 weeks. I wish I'd known what the signs were sooner. Once I figured it out I was able to modify my diet and it made a huge difference. Good luck and I promise, it will get better!