DH comment to me after visiting inlaws

[Anonymous]

He was recognizing your efforts and expressing his appreciation. If you guys went for a run and afterwards he said "good job going up that hill," you would feel he was trying to say something positive and encouraging. Maybe he realizes that holidays can be especially trying.

[Anonymous]

Everyone except for OP seems to agree that this was meant to be taken as a compliment. At this point I don't think that OP will be convinced that this was anything but a condescending dig at her.

OP, divorce. It will free you of the "control," and your husband and in-laws from a psycho bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone except for OP seems to agree that this was meant to be taken as a compliment. At this point I don't think that OP will be convinced that this was anything but a condescending dig at her.

OP, divorce. It will free you of the "control," and your husband and in-laws from a psycho bitch.

Wow someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

[Anonymous]

It could mean something good or bad. Ask him!

[Anonymous]

Put that in the W column.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he was just recognizing that it's difficult for you to be there. I think he meant it as a compliment.

Yup, and that he appreciated you making the effort to get along with his mother for the day.

+1


I think it just didn't come out right, but it was a comment reflecting appreciation/respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok thanks. It made me feel like he is watching and evaluating me. I am one to overthink though!

Reframe it. Sounds to me like he was looking out for you and had your back. He acknowledged that it was tough and you made it through without incident.

I don't have a partner. This sounds like something I would value in a relationship. Try not to go negative on this. It's support.

[Anonymous]

I say things like this to my dh. I usually prob frame it a little better but not by much lol. His words indicate that you are on the same team. Thank him for noticing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he was just recognizing that it's difficult for you to be there. I think he meant it as a compliment.

Yup, and that he appreciated you making the effort to get along with his mother for the day.

+1

He's grateful. I have had my DH say similar things to me. It has been a long road.

Yes. He knows it is work for you and was expressing his appreciation.

[Anonymous]

LET IT GO.

He meant it kindly. And yes, whether you like it or not, whenever two people have conflict in a family, the rest of the family feels tense when everyone gets together, and relieved when sparks do not fly.

[Anonymous]

Why dont you ask him what he meant? If it was my dh I would completely take that to mean "I know it's tough with them and not always so fun but you handled it well and I appreciate that"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bit condescending, though, isn't it? If instead he had said, "I appreciate all you did at my parents," that would have worked better. This sounds like he thinks he has all the power in the relationship and is complimenting you as one would a puppy, etc.

Do you really make your spouse jump through hoops to do things exactly your way? The point is that OP made the effort to be polite and kind to her mother-in-law. Her husband, who is stuck in the unenviable middieman position between a spouse and parent who don't get along, appreciated that she made the effort and succeeded in getting along with his mother for the day/weekend and also made the effort to recognize the effort. He showed appreciation. A good spouse would be gracious about it and smile, say thanks or otherwise show acknowledgment and/or appreciation (whichever is appropriate) for the comment.

Marriage is a 2-way street and both parties have to work to keep it fresh and positive for the long run. If you want to have a long-lasting marriage make it a habit to appreciate the efforts that your partner makes, show appreciation and gratitude and made the effort to do the small things that they will appreciate. People do this a lot when they are dating and then once they marry many forget the little things that help pave the way to a good relationship. If you have this smooth relationship, when you hit major hurdles, bumps, arguments, etc, you'll be in a more receptive mood to compromise or solve problems without a lot of baggage and history getting in the way.

He made the effort to show appreciation. She should at least acknowledge it and accept it for the good gesture it was, no matter how clumsy the attempt or the wording.

[Anonymous]

If any of my DILs tell me off, they will never be welcomed in my house again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he was just recognizing that it's difficult for you to be there. I think he meant it as a compliment.

Yup, and that he appreciated you making the effort to get along with his mother for the day.

+1 I thing it was a nice thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Meant to write - think